Architect of the Mind
by Yoshiyuki Ly
Summary: There are no separations of energy fields in the mind and all other energy fields that materialize in the physical universe. Manipulating or destroying that energy is fair-game. Renegade FemShep/Liara, post-ME2, branching into an interpretation of ME3. No plans to update - complete, until further notice. Not abandoned.
1. From Past to Present

**Note. **I've only been playing Mass Effect for a few months, but I've been writing for far longer than that. My preference is a Renegade Infiltrator and that's what I will have my Shepard live up to in this story. With Liara, of course.  
**Warnings. **_Drama_, angst, strong sexual content and other explicit content down the line.  
**Disclaimer.** I don't own Mass Effect or any of its characters, etc. If you haven't played the third installment, you won't have to worry too much about spoilers from the storyline that is shown in the game itself. Thank you to a certain someone for getting me into the fandom. You know who you are.

—

_**I. **__From Past to Present_

_Undeniable: the colors and branches that grow and pulsate when Shepard thinks of Liara. Hues that never before existed spread with prominence over objectivity, changing. Sunrises are as she remembers them: light scattered in circles, painted with the reminder of glares tearing her eyes away from the center. With every opportunity she has to confess, she looks away, looking forward to the next—better—opportunity. But every sunrise is the same. The only thing that changes is Shepard's perspective. The light may shine a different color; may shine over a new terrain; create shadows in places she never considered before; block her view from the horizon she needs a better view of. _

_The only other thing that stays the same is Liara's presence. Forever at her side, through any adversity—Shepard wants to believe— _

—_crystalline eyes that shine in any darkness—_

—_mapped over a woman so ruthless in her heroics, her choices—_

—_crystal cuts the crimson away, healing, evoking; stimulating. Possibilities build, consequences laid out—_

_Shepard stares down at the galaxy, at the crystalline swirl near the Crescent Nebula. Illium holds so many possibilities, consequences, reasons… She has already been there once, before the suicide mission. She did not pay Liara a visit. Shepard did not want to be…unfocused, during the mission. Time kept the two at a distance—a necessary distance. Time is now a lofty foundation._

_The foundation is drive. There can't be anything there to get in the way this time._

"Commander…?"

Shepard lowers her head upon hearing Miranda's withered tone. The CIC is otherwise empty, save for Joker at the helm and Mordin in the lab. She places her hands on the rails; does not turn to face her.

Miranda understands, and continues, "Shepard…I just…wanted to apologize again, about the last mission… You were fully in your rights to make me the Fire Team leader both times… I did promise I wouldn't be distracted over Oriana. Turns out I was…more than I'd ever been since we began this operation." Shepard grips the rails, clenching her jaw over how much sweat she feels between palm and metal. "It's my fault they're dead—not yours. They were all invaluable. Jacob, Kasumi, Thane, Zaeed; hell, even Jack… I wouldn't blame myself if I knew I was at my best and there was nothing more I could've done."

Shepard doesn't see the point in antagonizing Miranda about anything. Not anymore. "How's Tali?"

"Garrus and Legion are with her in the med bay now," replies Miranda, wincing at the memory of Tali taking heavy fire not long after getting through the vents. "After the multiple suit punctures, I'm surprised she's not suffering from worse infections. Dr. Chakwas assures us that Tali make a full recovery soon…we just need to be there for her…"

Even though their mission is over, Shepard can't abandon her squad mates—emotionally or otherwise. She can't let her personal feelings compromise what still needs to be done. Had she not grown so close to her squad, she wouldn't feel such remorse over their unnecessary loss. _This could have been avoided._ She could blame who or whatever she wanted, but even through Miranda's poor focus that cost nearly half the team, Shepard came out of it with a new form of resolve:

"Miranda." Shepard turns to regard her, expressionless, for the moment. Miranda stands with her hands clasped behind her back, her eyes betraying her fear and acceptance of further disappointment from the commander. "I've plotted a course for Illium—we'll be there soon enough. We'll investigate the whereabouts of your sister; try to find out exactly where your father took her. He can't have done anything to hurt her. We'll find her. I promise."

Miranda doesn't respond right away. Shepard moves to step down from the galaxy map. She places her hand over Miranda's shoulder, glad that her sweat can't get through the material of Miranda's dark suit. Miranda is loyal to Shepard, despite that particular mission failure.

They both sit down on the topmost step to the galaxy map. Shepard slouches, using her forearm and thigh as support as she regards her shadow to the right. Miranda leans against the rail, staring off to the side at a spot in the distance too far away from the Normandy. The soft hum of the ship coats their silence with comfort: as long as the sound continues, the ship is on its way to where Shepard needs to be.

"It's funny," Miranda finally says, laughing humorlessly; "normally I'd tell myself that a loss is a loss, no matter what. That there's no way to repent for or change the mistakes I've made… All I can do is move forward. I imagine you feel similarly about these things."

Shepard's hair falls over her face and shoulders as she looks down. "I used to," she admits. "You know my history—I was ruthless. I did whatever I needed to, to get the job done. I didn't worry about casualties and I didn't let myself get close to anyone… But now, after seeing how much you love your sister… I've been so _blind_." Shepard sits up now, shifting a bit when Miranda turns to look at her in stunned silence. "There's another reason why we're going back to Illium…"

Before Shepard can continue, she and Miranda look to the elevator. The door opens, and Samara exits, walking toward them. Shepard can never tell what's on Samara's mind simply by looking at her face—this time, there is a sense of urgency in the way her heels meet the metal flooring. Shepard wants to stand, but Samara signals for her to stay put. Seeing an asari—_any_ asari—makes Shepard's heart clench; clamp down over her wants. _No one_ can compare to Liara: her kindness, her compassion, her manner of devotion, her invisible strength over Shepard. Likeness only makes the distinctions all the more apparent.

"Commander Shepard," Samara begins, sitting down in front of her and Miranda. "I am glad that you and Miss Lawson are already sitting. I have just learned something that may be of great importance to you both."

Shepard shifts again, choosing to stay quiet while Miranda speaks for her: "What is it?"

"I finally know where the fugitive I am after is hiding," Samara replies. "But more importantly for you, the intel I received confirms that before leaving Illium, she briefly came into contact with an Oriana Lawson before making her way to Omega."

Miranda comes to life again at the news, "What? Is that true? You're absolutely certain? Do you have any leads as to where Oriana is now?"

Samara lowers her head. "While I am certain this is true, I unfortunately do not have further information on your sister's whereabouts. However;" She pauses, looking to the commander, "If we were to use our contacts on Illium to obtain classified records of ships that have docked and left at corresponding times, we might be able to track her down." Shepard stares back at her, wondering if Samara is aware of all the messy emotions she's brought about from the mere mention of Liara. "If that is not possible, we will have to get the information out of the fugitive. I suggest going to Omega immediately if we cannot procure what we need on Illium."

"Agreed." Miranda stands with Samara, a determined edge returned to her features once more. "Thank you, Samara, for sharing this with us. Now we'll just have to hope we can find something useful on Illium." How Shepard wishes they would stop using that _word. Illium. Illium. Illium. _They might as well have been saying _Shepard is a coward when it comes to Liara _over and over again. "If not, I'll have to go back to my original plan of using my resources to scour the galaxy until I find Oriana… Shepard?"

_Why didn't I tell Liara how I feel? Why did I push her away before Ilos? Why did I lie and pretend like I only cared about the mission when I _knew_ that wasn't true? She's spent two years without me, thinking I never cared about her that way. Even through that, even after how cold I was with her, she's still done so much for me. And now she might be able to help me again… _

_Won't my presence just hurt her even more? That's what kept me from going to see her the first time…_

"Shepard…" Miranda's voice is careful, treading in uncertain territory. She has sat back down next to the commander—Samara has left to visit Tali in the med bay. "What is it you were going to tell me, before Samara arrived? You couldn't have known about my sister, so it must have been something else. Something pressing."

It surprises Shepard how easily the words come forth: "My _contact _on Illium…Liara T'Soni. I'm sure you know about her, how she was part of my squad on the original Normandy two years ago. She…"

The ease stops. Fear overtakes. The leverage someone could have over her, even Miranda, if they knew…

Miranda's expression softens at the anger in Shepard's face. "Say no more, Commander. I think I understand what it is you're trying to say." After Joker's announcement of the short ETA to their destination, Miranda goes on, "If that's the case, maybe you should go speak with Liara alone. I'd just get in the way if I went along."

"That's not true," Shepard tries; "This is about your sister, Miranda. It's only right that you should come along with me."

"Nice try." Miranda stands again, moving to stand in front of Shepard. "You wanted to go to Illium even before Samara brought us that news. Besides, I trust you. Whether you find anything there or not, we still have Omega. My father won't hurt Oriana, so take all the time you need."

After helping Shepard to her feet, Miranda takes the elevator back down to the crew deck. Shepard watches her go, thanking Miranda just as the elevator door closes.

—

Shepard passes through the entryway of Nos Astra's trading floor alone, wearing her black and white armor and N7 helmet only out of habit. The lightened sky surrounding the lowering sun is the same color as her own eyes and long hair no matter where she goes. The benches cast in shadow nearby are a tempting way to waste time—to sit, to ponder, to wait alone among the bustle of Illium's capital. Shepard only takes a moment to observe the cars flying past in the distance among buildings so tall.

Shepard passes through kiosks and the many volus bartering with asari. The galactic news over the intercom rings dull in her ears as she continually draws blanks on how to go about this. Administration is so close. It would be so simple to only ask Liara about the intel on Miranda's sister, get it and leave without having to explain herself.

She ascends the stairs, knowing she shouldn't be thinking this way. Shepard doesn't know what to expect upon entering Liara's office overlooking the trading floor. There is a secretary's desk just across from the door—no one is there. It's late, after all. And from the smell in the air, it is likely going to rain soon.

Shepard stands at the door, entertaining the idea of cloaking before opening it. Before she can act, the door opens and there is Liara, stopped and stunned after dropping the datapads she had in her hands moments before. Shepard's heart stops all the same—Liara is looking up at her. The size and depth of Liara's eyes have not diminished over the years. They still fill her with Liara's every emotion, painted there for Shepard with such clarity. She can't stop herself from embracing Liara, holding her about her waist; and she realizes she has not done so before this moment. Liara wraps her arms around Shepard's neck, having to touch her Widow to do so. Shepard is possessive of her sniper rifle—no one has been allowed to touch her weapon before Liara. Her hold on Liara echoes another type of possessiveness.

"Goddess, help me," Liara murmurs, moving to search Shepard's eyes. Shepard feels her face and neck warm up at the implications; she bends down to collect the datapads at their feet to avoid…emotional detection. "Oh! Shepard, really, that was my own stupid mistake. Please, you don't have to…" Shepard only has to look up at Liara once to make her stop. "You're…not making this easy at all."

Shepard stands with the datapads, but doesn't return them to Liara. "I'll hold onto these for you. I came here alone because…" Honesty…honesty—as much as possible. "I really needed to see you, Liara. And I'd like it if we could talk…in some place that isn't right in front of your office."

"Yes…" Liara replies, as if dazed. "Yes, of course. I'd like that. And thank you. I heard you were on Illium before, and that your mission to the Collector home world was a success…" Shepard can't help but smile at her. Liara puts a hand over her forehead. "You just said you didn't want to talk here… Now you must think I'm not paying attention to you! I am, Shepard, and it's so good to see you again. I'm…so very, very happy to see you…to see you for myself after all this time. After all this…uncertainty…"

Shepard walks with Liara downstairs, unsure of what to think when they go through the nearby door leading to transportation and shipping. Liara senses this, and explains, "We cannot talk freely here. Illium is not known for its privacy except for at the bureaucratic levels of its operations. That and there is…something else I will explain to you when we arrive at where we're going."

"And just _where_ are we going, exactly…?" Shepard asks, eyebrow raised at Liara's amused expression.

Liara replies, smiling for what might have been the first time in ages, "Perhaps you didn't hear me when I said we cannot talk freely here. I meant it, Shepard. So be sure to watch what you say, unless you don't care if our conversation starts playing over the intercom. Though I do have a question for you."

Shepard gives her a dry sidelong glance. "Okay, shoot."

"Would you rather we take the long way or the short way to where we're going?" Liara supplies something else before Shepard can open her mouth to reply, "And don't even say it—that you'd be able to answer properly if you knew where we're going."

It's strange for Shepard to hear Liara laugh at such a time. Strange—but not at all unwelcome. She watches the amusement continue to brighten Liara's features, glad that Liara can still be in a good mood alongside Shepard's seriousness. That hasn't changed. Shepard expected Liara to be more reserved in her presence, considering the time that's passed. Liara wasn't lying about being very happy to see her—she's happier than she seemed even before, on their mission together to stop Saren.

All the reasons Shepard had that kept her from visiting before feel irrelevant now. Those reasons are as small as the pair is, walking in between buildings that threaten to pierce Illium's atmosphere; so far underneath cars hovering overhead. Liara's contentment is what Shepard believes is falling down from the sky when it begins to rain. Liara is thoughtful enough to keep up a type of biotic barrier that shields them from the downpour. They must be taking the long way.

After everything that's happened, Shepard can't even enjoy a simple walk in the rain without glancing in every direction as she goes. Even Liara's tempo slows down to somber after time. Shepard says nothing when she notices. Liara does not speak, either—not until they finally arrive at her apartment.

The Prothean objects stand out right away when Shepard moves to set the datapads down on the nearest surface. The picture of Ilos on the wall gives Shepard a sour taste in her mouth. It's washed away when she looks outside the line of windowpanes, at the grey, at the rain—how it matches the décor around her. There is something morose Shepard senses about the place. As if no one has ever visited Liara here, no one has ever walked her home to ensure she got here safely; no one ever held her in her bed at night while she spent years missing someone.

"Shepard…" Liara begins, locking the door behind them; facing away. "You're welcome to remove your helmet and armor. I can assure you, my apartment is secure…"

Shepard stares at Liara's hand against the door; then at her bent knee. How Liara is resting against the surface—or using it to keep herself steady. "Thanks. I think I will."

Liara takes a breath, otherwise staying still. She wants to say something more, most likely something hospitable and polite. Shepard steps forward, closer to Liara. She removes each piece of her armor, one at a time, never taking her eyes off of the woman before her. Eventually, Liara turns—and bends down—to pick up the pieces. She is on her knees by the time Shepard begins to remove her breastplate, careful to keep her eyes on the armor she's collecting in her arms. Soon, Shepard is standing in her Cerberus attire—Liara is still on her knees, staring at Shepard's thighs.

"Liara," says Shepard, deeper than she meant to sound. She notices Liara's attempt to conceal her shiver. "You can stand up now. I don't have any more armor to take off." Liara does not remove herself from the floor. Shepard's armor is surrounded by a blue glow as they float from Liara's arms to the bedroom upstairs. When Liara still refuses to stand, Shepard kneels down. "Hey. Come on, Liara. Why don't we go sit down and talk? I'm sure there's a lot on your mind."

Liara stands with Shepard, frowning as she looks off to the side. She doesn't even offer anything to drink, not that Shepard wants her to. Shepard's eyes widen when Liara leads her upstairs without a word. They can't possibly widen anymore when Liara gestures to the bed for Shepard to sit—and Liara moves to her wardrobe. There is an air about Liara that Shepard has only sensed once before: when Shepard lied right to her face about how she felt for her, in those hours before reaching Ilos.

When Shepard sits, Liara turns her head in Shepard's direction, but does not look at her. "Lie down," Liara says; "You must be exhausted." Liara is removing her clothes. Shepard can't tear her eyes away as she complies. The chill of the white duvet is a stark contrast to the higher temperatures of her skin at the moment. "I imagine it must be hard for you, not knowing what you'll do next. It sounds like the Council won't believe your warnings about the Reapers until they're at the galaxy's front door. Until they _break down _the door, I should say."

"Yeah…" is all Shepard can manage. Liara is in black undergarments and nothing more—nothing less.

Liara folds her arms about her waist, swinging her hips more than usual as she takes her time walking to her window. "It seems both you and I have problems with people in high places not taking us seriously. What they don't understand is the damage that can be done—over time—while they choose to sit and wait…bide their time, and underestimate our ability to do what needs to be done."

Shepard doesn't recognize this charisma, not in her. Liara has always been so subdued, so shy…

"You've changed," Shepard states, not fully aware of what is making her speak right now. Liara does not acknowledge her. "Why? What's happened to you over the past two years? One minute you're happy to see me, the next you…"

Liara turns, stops; shifts her body as she stands. "It's interesting that you chose that side of the bed—the left side. That's where I lay, every night for over two years, mourning you in very _physical_ ways." The stress on her words does not go over Shepard's head. Liara approaches her, so slowly… "And to think, someone almost took you away from me while I was recovering your body. I've wanted revenge—for you, for my friend Feron who helped me save you…"

And Liara is standing over her now, her legs pirouetting as she straddles Shepard. "I've also wanted revenge for myself," she goes on; "for letting you lie to me when it mattered most. I was so naïve…I believed you at the time. But after a few months of thinking about your actions, who you are and what you _let _yourself show to everyone else…I realized how stupid I was for accepting your words as fact. I vowed, from that night on, never to let anyone take me for a fool ever again."

Shepard knows better than to touch her. She wants to apologize, to take it all back, to turn back time, to make it so she never died… Liara might as well have been a widow during those years, for how strongly Shepard felt—_feels_—for her. It is not enough to bear the burden of that weight in her hands each time she takes a shot at an enemy.

"I'm sorry, Liara." Even though it's not enough, it is a start. Liara's features sharpen from Shepard's words nonetheless. "I'm honestly…truly sorry. I am. You were so happy to see me earlier…I didn't realize how upset you were, or are. I came here to make up for what I've done to you. In any way you see fit."

Shepard moves so that Liara is underneath her. Liara's surprise is what softens her face. "Anything you need," Shepard goes on, "anything you want… if there's anything I can do for you, tell me and it will be done. I've spent too long trying to ignore how deeply I care for you, and for what? It hasn't done you any good. That's on me."

Liara clearly wants to say something; she looks away instead. Shepard has not allowed herself to enjoy any of this and refuses to start now. She removes herself from Liara, choosing to sit at the foot of the bed. "I'll give you all the time you need to think about what I said," Shepard says; "There's also something else I needed."

"What is it?" Liara asks, sounding pensive.

Shepard wonders why Liara is letting her change the subject. She knows better than to ask. "Do you know anything about an Ardat-Yakshi that passed through Illium a few weeks back? Or maybe a civilian named Oriana Lawson?"

Liara turns her head to regard the rain and darkening sky outside her window. "Yes. They were both smuggled off-world by Eclipse mercs…along with one of my salarian contacts, Sekat. I've been trying to track Sekat down for weeks with no reliable leads. All I know is that the ship they were on made several stops. To where, I have no idea…"

"How do you know Sekat?" Shepard is wary about continuing this conversation. In _giving Liara time to think, _that's just a cover-up for them to avoid talking about it. Liara must know better.

Yet Liara's neutral tone doesn't suggest as much. "He has…or had…the information I need to pinpoint the Shadow Broker's location. No one else knows about it, or at least, they're not supposed to. I don't trust anyone else with my business affairs. As an information broker myself, it's difficult to know who I can and can't trust."

"I might have a lead for you. One of my squad mates, Samara, knows where that Ardat-Yakshi is. If we can find her and get some information out of her, we can find Sekat." Shepard pauses—just by looking into Liara's eyes, she can tell her mind is racing. Those eyes have lit up, shifting back and forth as she processes Shepard's words. "Liara…I've lost a lot of my squad. And you're right—I don't know what I'm going to do now that my mission is over and no one will listen to me about the Reapers. I can't face that uncertainty alone… I want you to come with me."

Liara sits up, slowly. "Shepard…I can't thank you enough for this information. Hopefully it will point us in the right direction, despite the risks. But…what do you mean, you can't face that alone? You've always gotten things done on your own, in a sense. I don't understand what's changed… It couldn't have been me that persuaded you. I learned that the hard way."

This tightening in Shepard's chest is familiar, yet still unbearable. It constricts her lungs, her mind, leaving her heart so open and vulnerable; so in control. She doesn't know what will happen tomorrow, or even in the next few hours.


	2. The Oath

**Note. **Hey everyone, thanks for the reviews/PMs about the story so far, and all the favs and alerts. I really appreciate all of them. Believe it or not, I actually cut this chapter a lot shorter than I originaly intended, for the sake of pacing. I don't want to reveal too much so soon, or possibly risk oversaturating you with anything. As a result, I should have the third chapter up soon. I've enabled anonymous reviews now; forgot I'd disabled them a while back.

Thank you for reading.

—

_**II. **The Oath_

_Shepard didn't answer Liara's questions, nor did she have any intentions to do so. Not with words, at least._

Shepard and Liara arrive on the Normandy, only to be stopped in their tracks by a flash of biotic-blue being thrown from the center of the CIC all the way to the helm. Violent screams are heard; Shepard looks over to the source to see Garrus and Samara trying to contain _Jack. _Liara goes over to Joker sitting at the helm, stammering over having Miranda lying in his lap. Shepard stands in the middle of it all, looking back and forth between Jack's struggling and Liara helping Miranda to her feet. Any other time she would shout an order for everyone to settle down, namely Jack. This time, however, from the look of things, Miranda might have deserved what she got.

"What's going on?" Liara asks again, looking to Joker when Miranda only puts a hand over her face. "Don't tell me _you're _still in shock, Joker. You're not the one who was just thrown from the far side of the deck!"

Joker makes a face, mumbling a response, "Yeah, nice to see you again too, Liara. _You're _not the one who turned around and found—"

"Joker, _please,_" Miranda interrupts; "That's enough."

Shepard folds her arms, pursing her lips as Jack's shouting confirms her suspicions. "Let me guess: when we pulled Jack and _only _Jack out with us, _someone_ didn't check to make sure she wasn't just in a coma!" Miranda turns away, with both hands over her face this time. "And so she woke up in that coffin, freaked out, and went after the one I put in charge of her team. Does that sound about right?"

Liara walks back to Shepard's side, concerned. "Understandable, but still a careless mistake. I imagine Jack isn't very pleased right now."

Shepard turns to look Jack, surrounded by a kinetic barrier Samara is holding up around her. Her shouts are muffled but her body language is clear. "Yeah, Liara, I think I'd put money on that, too." Shepard glances over her shoulder. "We'll discuss this later, Miranda." Miranda briefly removes her hands from her face, shaking her head. "Joker, plot a course for Omega."

"Right away, Commander." Joker makes a face, turning back around in his seat. "Oh, and when you have time, the Illusive Man wants to speak to you in the comm room. Said it's important, but after everything that's happened I wouldn't really care if I were you."

Shepard thought Joker might have had more to say, though she knows he'll speak his mind once Miranda and Jack aren't around to hear. EDI is also surprisingly absent from her usual station. Jack calms down somewhat when she sees the commander approaching with Liara. Shepard gestures for Samara to lower the barrier, and she does so. Garrus rubs his jaw, looking too sour to comment.

"What the hell, Shepard!" Jack folds her arms, looking Liara up and down. "First I get tossed into a coffin before anyone checks my pulse, then you bring a goddamn _asari _with you to replace me? No respect."

Shepard scowls back at her, jabbing a finger in her face. "You're one to talk about _respect_, after what you just did here on _my _ship. We had every reason to think you were dead!" She doesn't even have to look at Liara to know she's offended. "And watch what you say about this goddamn _asari. _She won't hesitate to rip you apart if you step out of line with her." And Shepard lowers her hand; leaning forward even more. "Neither will I. You can count on it."

Liara moves to place her hands over Shepard's arm, calming her down. Samara speaks before Jack can respond, "Shall I detain her once more, Commander?"

Jack scoffs, "Know what, I'm not even gonna bother anymore. I don't need your damn barriers or excuses." Shepard is surprised to hear tinges of disappointment in Jack's voice. "I'll be in my usual place til I figure out what to do next after this hell you put me through. So just leave me the fuck alone. You're good at it."

Only after the elevator closes behind her does Mordin come out from the lab. "Shepard! Glad you returned. Heard...screaming. Shouting. Biotic detonations. Morbid accusations. Death threats. Level of violence unprescendented on the Normandy. Told Miranda more tests needed to be done! Wouldn't listen, wouldn't listen! Deserved what she got, I think."

Garrus is still nursing his jaw, leering at Mordin. "So you stayed safe in your lab, just _listening_ to the catfight? You didn't come out to help. I thought those walls were soundproof. I told myself: if they're not then Mordin must have some kind of fetish for arguing women..."

Before Mordin can respond, Shepard interjects, "Alright, that's enough. It's over. Mordin, Samara: this is Dr. Liara T'Soni. She was part of my crew during our fight against Saren and Sovereign. She'll be coming along with us." Shepard makes her way to the elevator, somewhat relieved over the excuse to have a moment alone. Again, she doesn't have to look at Liara to tell she's saddened over her abrupt departure. "I'll be down in Engineering to see what else is going on with Jack while you all get acquainted."

—

Shepard takes a moment to sit on the second flight of stairs leading to Jack's quarters. Red surrounds her; she shifts around from time to time, thinking. She didn't really leave Liara up there with the others; she imagines she'll hear about it from Liara later. There is no balance between being a commander and being there for Liara to make up for lost time, mistakes, excuses. Misunderstandings are unavoidable, with everyone; everything. Yet she still feels the need to apologize to Jack in some way, after hearing that tone no one else might have caught. She still wants to make things right with Liara. Shepard's day-to-day attitude doesn't match her inner thoughts; the thought of showing this to anyone other than Liara disturbs her.

Jack appears at the foot of the stairs, arms folded again. "Shepard. I knew it was you. You're the only one who never listens when I say I wanna be left alone." Shepard stays put, staring at her, eyes hardened. "So what is it? Don't tell me you're here to make me _apologize _to that bitch."

"What makes you think—"

"Everything," Jack cuts her off, nails digging into the black of the tattoos over her arms. "You leave me for dead, come back with some sorry ass replacement, then you get all self-righteous when I'm pissed off at you?"

Shepard stands in a rage, descending the stairs one sentence at a time. "I warned you, Jack. Insult Liara again. I fucking dare you. Then I want you to watch carefully what happens because it might be the last thing you ever see. And I didn't come down here to make you do _anything! _I was the one trying to figure out how to apologize to you. That was a mistake." Jack holds her ground. Shepard knows she caught her off guard—her silence says as much. "If you hadn't given Miranda such a hard time during that mission, hell, during our entire operation, I can guarantee you she wouldn't have declared you dead! You want an excuse to get riled up? Fine. But just remember: you brought this upon yourself for all you know." Shepard waves her hand in dismissal in Jack's direction. "There's your goddamn apology. Satisfied now?"

Jack relaxes, taking a few steps back. "Yeah. Sure. I know what your deal is now. I saw the way you looked at her when Samara had me trapped in that damn barrier... Even from that far away, it was obvious. You couldn't have been giving our little _cheerleader_ looks like that." Jack winces for a moment, thinking. Shepard also makes a face; she can never _not _try to imagine Miranda as an actual cheerleader whenever Jack calls her that. "I shouldn't have insulted her, alright? I don't forget my loyalty to you, Shepard. It just hurts, you know?"

"You'll get over it," Shepard tells her, as more of a command than anything, following Jack as she goes to sit on her bed. "Or you'll get it tattooed somewhere on your body. Either way, what's done is done. Though you did disobey my order about staying a deck apart from Miranda at all times."

Jack shrugs, staring off to the side. "You weren't around. Figured she did the same to you. Garrus tried to stick up for her, said she was distracted. That made everything worse. I punched him for that."

"So was I," Shepard admits. "Distracted, I mean."

Jack glances at her in question. "What, over the blue chick? What'd you say her name was? Liara?" Shepard doesn't know if she should be discussing Liara with Jack of all people. She nods anyway. "She's not a bad catch. Pretty good, I'd say. I don't get what the hell you'd be distracted about. Unless—"

"Jack." Shepard shakes her head. "Don't even. I don't want to get into this."

"Shit, Shepard. I've told you loads of crap about my life even before I wanted you around. Now I ask questions and you shut me out?" Jack moves to lie down, hands folded behind her head. "Talk about double-standard." When Shepard won't say anything more, Jack sighs. "Whatever. Suit yourself."

On that note, Shepard takes her leave. When she's certain Jack can't see her anymore, she shakes her head at herself. Grimacing. Jack of all people wanted to reach out to her, and Shepard pushed her away. Shepard is so focused on maintaining her professionalism; again, she can't strike a balance between that and letting her squad get to know her. After all, she spent months getting to know them without saying a word about herself. Perhaps she got used to staying silent about her affairs. Maybe they assumed she didn't have any. Moments ago, she knows she was concerned over Jack calling her out on her cowardice. Now, she feels guilty over not even giving Jack the chance to give her opinion. All too familiar: being so instrumental as to not give anyone the chance to even _have _an opinion about her, about her feelings, her thoughts.

It wasn't until Liara weaved her way through Shepard's heart that she began to consider the negative implications of her attitude. Keeping Liara at this distance means that Shepard will consider and _only _consider. Nothing more.

—

The Illusive Man sits where he always does, smokes the way he always does; stays quiet for far too long unlike before. Shepard waits for him to speak. Any other time, she would interrupt whoever it was, get right to business. Something about his silence unsettles her. It is not unlike the pauses he would have before telling her something of import while leaving out a few, more important, details. Instrumental.

"Shepard." The Illusive Man bides his time further, staring at his cigarette. "First things first: I heard about the argument aboard the Normandy, between Jack and Miranda. I trust you've contained the situation by now."

Shepard can't stand small talk. The Illusive Man should know better than to ask for confirmation about _this _of all things. "It's taken care of," she responds, growing bored already. "Really, what did you call me here for? I doubt you need my opinion on the schematics of the Collector ship or anything else you've found from it. I get the feeling you only used me to get what you wanted."

"That's not entirely true. Not anymore." The Illusive Man isn't being so instrumental anymore. Any other time he would tell her to not presume about such-and-such. "I'll get to that in a moment. I'm aware you've brought Dr. T'Soni with you and that your team is heading for Omega. There's something we need to discuss before you arrive." Shepard has long since grown annoyed at him stopping to smoke right before saying something that might actually matter. "It seems you are about to get yourself into something big; deeper than just a suicide mission where you can either win or lose. Don't get me wrong. This is still related to the Reapers. Everything is." Yet another dramatic pause. Shepard exhales louder than she means to. "Still respectful, even through your apparent annoyance. Any other time you wouldn't be so patient. Impressive. That's exactly why I'm giving you this information, Shepard."

"What information?" Shepard demands, eyes narrowing. "You haven't told me anything of substance yet. You're usually better about telling me what I need to know right away and letting me go do what I need to do."

The Illusive Man gives a wry smile. "I take it you want me to get to the point." Shepard clenches her jaw. "Very well, Shepard. If my sources are correct, and they always are, then your findings on Omega will lead you back to Horizon. I've sent more details to your private terminal, and I expect you to keep this information on a need-to-know basis. One of our lab facilities studying biotics on Horizon has gone rogue. I'm aware that this was not part of our original agreement for you working for Cerberus. After what you'll no doubt find there, I think you'll want to re-consider your manner of employment for us."

"Really?" Shepard humors him, returning his same smile. "And what makes you so sure?"

"It is only my hypothesis," he explains; "But, given the circumstances, I'm inclined to believe you have an interest in biotics. Or in one biotic in particular, I should say. Once you've returned from Horizon, you'll want to see me again. If you choose not to, I'll assume you wish to terminate your relationship with Cerberus. It's up to you to decide."

—

Liara and Samara accompany Shepard on Omega, namely the Afterlife club to speak with Aria. When they are in the center of the club, Shepard stops, having realized something. Liara bumps into Shepard, content to keep the physical contact as she watches Shepard's thought process through her expression. Samara waits, patient. Every so often, Liara will giggle over the drunken conversations from nearby patrons. Shepard is distracted—by the music, by the asari pressed up against her, by the bass—but she does her best to ask Samara the question she should have asked her before they left the ship:

"Samara...you don't mind letting Liara in on the investigation?" she finally asks. "I thought you only wanted me to know about the fugitive you're after."

Samara looks unperturbed by Shepard's question, as she always does. "No, Commander, I do not mind. I have already given her all the details about my daughter she has asked for." Shepard narrows her eyes—so much for the exclusive trust with sensitive information. "Though our original mission is over, the Code dictates that I assist any who wish to assist me, granted they have a bond of trust with anyone I am sworn to. Liara has given me information about Morinth that even I did not know of. She is truly a valuable asset."

"She's good at what she does," Shepard comments, smiling as though Liara were not there to hear or see her. "Are you still bound to me? By your Code, I mean. We've taken care of the Collectors."

"No. However, should our trip here prove to be fruitless, or we fail, then we can further discuss my oath to you."

Liara smiles as they continue their way to Aria. "Fascinating, that you've memorized five thousand mandates by heart. Different permutations for any situation you might run into... When I was younger, I used to think that would make everything so much easier. Now, I'm not so sure anymore."

While the two continue their conversation, Shepard wonders on the possibility of Liara becoming a Justicar one day, possibly in her matron stage at the earliest. She can't imagine anything happening to her that would drive her into the profession. She wouldn't want anything or anyone to _make _Liara do anything in the first place. Liara notices Shepard is lost in thought; she nudges her as they approach Aria. Shepard's distant expression breaks at the soft touch alone.

"Well," says Aria, waving a hand to have her guards let Shepard's group pass. "This is quite the surprise, Commander. You pay me a visit with not one, but _two _beautiful asari in tow. I have to wonder about the company you keep now that you've saved the galaxy twice over. Just don't get any ideas about me." She gestures for Shepard to sit. Shepard shifts a bit after sitting, knowing full well Liara is likely smirking over Aria's comments. "So, what do you need?"

"I'm trying to track down an Ardat-Yakshi named Morinth," Shepard tells her, crossing her legs. "She was smuggled off-world from Illium on the AML-Demeter. I heard the ship stopped here. I'm interested in a few other passengers who might have been dropped off here: a human named Oriana Lawson and a salarian by the name Sekat. Heard of them?"

Aria nods, smirking. "I have good news and bad news about all three of those people. They were all here, sure, but only one of them are still on Omega. The human, Lawson. She came to me saying her sister works for you and that she needed help. So, I hid her in one of the apartments in the quarantine district. She's still paying me so I assume she's still there." Shepard sighs in relief for Miranda when Aria gives her the address. Aria gestures to one of her guards, who hands Liara a datapad. "Sekat left that with me. Sort of. More like someone else found it on his dead body and sold it to me, hoping I'd change my mind about killing him. As for the Ardat-Yakshi..." Aria takes a good look at Samara; turns back to Shepard and continues, "She took off, but the whole thing looked shady. I've heard reports of a bunch of asari in the Terminus Systems being taken to some kind of facility somewhere. All of them are supposedly sick with something contagious, but I doubt an Ardat-Yakshi would _want _to be taken anywhere."

Shepard frowns at the news, thinking back to what the Illusive Man told her earlier. She hasn't read his message yet. Aria doesn't notice Shepard's wandering mind, instead busying herself with looking regal and important as she continues to sit, watching Liara read the information given to her. "Looks like you've changed over the last few years," Aria says to Liara, nodding in her direction. "I remember teasing you over not being able to speak for yourself when that drell tried to walk all over you."

"Yes," Liara replies, stern. "I remember, too. You embarrassed me in front of Feron, though you _did_ point out that particular weakness I had at the time... Thinking back on it now, I must have been so focused on taking Shepard's body from the Shadow Broker that I sometimes could not find my own voice. Your words have stayed with me to this day."

"Isn't that cute?" Aria smiles in amusement, turning back to Shepard. "Being a hardass can pay off in unexpected ways. I'll have to keep her story in mind."

Miranda contacts Shepard via radio, _"Commander, I heard everything. I've already left the Normandy and I'm on my way to the quarantine district. Meet me at the entrance whenever you're finished there. I'll go check on my sister first."_

"Understood," Shepard replies. Liara is busying herself with the datapad. Samara stares off into the distance, far away from the conversation. "I think that's all we need, Aria. We should head out, see if we can find out more information about this facility."

Aria nods as Shepard stands. "Let me know if you find out anything useful about the place, Shepard. Knowing you, I'm sure you will."

They leave Aria's area of the club, finding a booth to sit together and discuss what they've found out so far. The music is loud enough to give them a semblance of privacy. Shepard and Samara listen to Liara speak about what she's discovered: possibly the location of the Shadow Broker's base. She gives them more information about Feron, how his life depends on them saving him. With the Shadow Broker's network of information, she assures them it's possible to find out more about the facility Aria mentioned. Samara is too quiet once Liara has finished speaking, as is Shepard. Liara frowns at this before entering the new data into her omni-tool.

"Shepard," Samara finally says, "what will you do now that your mission is over? You are an Alliance marine but you do not express any interest in leaving Cerberus. We have no idea when the Reapers will arrive in our galaxy. Are you content to assist your squad with their affairs in the mean time? Or do you have other options?"

"I'll more or less be busy helping you guys out, yeah," Shepard supplies. "Admiral Hackett asked me to go on a mission for him, but I turned the offer down. It didn't feel right. He's told me he sent someone else instead and they got the job done. I doubt the Alliance would want me back now—turning down that mission was basically me telling them to go screw themselves for all I know. The Council wouldn't listen to me if I asked them for help against the Reapers—they still have their heads up their asses. So Cerberus is my best bet right now, regardless of their reputation. Why do you ask?"

"I, too, have heard reports and rumors about this facility. It is supposedly under Cerberus command, much like the one on Pragia. Cerberus believes that biotics are the future for humanity. Asari are all born with natural biotic abilities." Samara pauses for a moment, watching Shepard consider her words. Even Liara looks up from her omni-tool to pay close attention. "I am willing to believe that this is another rogue facility, because any legitimate scientists would not have been able to take my daughter anywhere, or even capture her to begin with. Aria herself said this sounded _shady_. I agree with her."

"I've heard similar news," Liara replies, "though my sources have expressed mixed feelings about the lab. None of them knew much more about the facility than what Samara has said, so I decided to add it to my very long list of things to investigate after I've dealt with the Shadow Broker. Though perhaps I shouldn't have done that... I wish I had more information to give you."

Shepard decides against telling them about her meeting with the Illusive Man, for the moment. "Samara, if I'm not mistaken, you were drawing a link between Cerberus and this place. You mentioned me working for Cerberus. Does this have something to do with your oath?"

"I did not lie at the time when I answered your question, Shepard. I was not bound to you then. But now, my Code allows me to swear a new oath to you should you continue to assist with my investigation. This oath would be largely different than the one I recited before, because it is a second occurrence."

Shepard has to ask: "And what happens if you don't swear a new one?"

"You are employed by Cerberus. If I receive confirmation that this facility is run by Cerberus, and that they are performing unjust experiments on my people, then I must kill you." Samara waits a moment before continuing on, noting the shock in Liara's features more than Shepard's. "This could prompt me to kill every other Cerberus employee, including the Illusive Man. They have resources far more advanced than my own. I could be killed should I be forced to take this path. I do not believe you to be unjust, Shepard, but this is what the Code dictates. I must abide by its rules."

Liara has recovered, somewhat. "Black and white does not do your Code justice, Samara. That _is _rather extreme... The Terminus Systems are lawless. Would you still be bound to kill Shepard, even if this lab is not located in Citadel space?"

"Yes," is all Samara says.

"Then I would have to kill you in turn," Liara replies, with the same casual air as before. "By my own _personal_ Code_, _that is. I am only a child compared to you, but that would not stop me. If anything happens to Shepard again, I will not stand by and watch like I did last time. I promise I _will_ seek revenge. Even if it is a losing battle."

"I admire your tenacity, Doctor. You would be a worthy foe, indeed. Not by your age—"

Shepard must interject, "Hey, hold on! No one's going to kill anyone, understood? Neither of you, at least. I won't let that happen." She sighs, regarding Liara; that proud smile she gives her. Shepard can't help but give a small one in return, though it is mostly because of her nerves. Liara has always had a way of getting to her at unexpected times. "Samara, I'd feel better about all this if you just swore another oath to me. I don't want you and Liara to have any reason to kill each other." Samara gets up from the booth to stand in front of the table, facing Shepard. "Do you really have to do this in the middle of a nightclub...? Can't it wait?"

"No, Shepard. I'm afraid it cannot." Samara kneels down before Shepard, her biotics glowing around her just like on Illium months ago. Many patrons turn to stare; even a few of the asari dancers in the center stop to watch. Shepard does her best to ignore all of the unwanted attention, standing out of respect. Liara stands at Shepard's side, amazement clear on her face. "By the Code, I am sworn to you indefinitely, Shepard. I will assist you in your endeavors as you have aided mine. Your orders are mine to follow. Your beliefs are my beliefs. Your actions, your ambitions, your loved ones: I will defend until I am no longer capable. May the Goddess guide your path."

Even after Samara has finished swearing her oath and the three of them have sat back down, Shepard continues to replay the moment in her mind. She can't ignore how romantic the notion sounds and feels—kneeling before another to promise them something that will be upheld until death. When Liara smiles at her again, in that way that says she doesn't expect Shepard to smile back, the sentiment pierces her—deep—with newfound understanding, appreciation. How her heart _ached_ from years of not accepting that smile so deep within; she accepts it now.


	3. Removing the Thorns

_**III. **__Removing the Thorns_

Shepard has her back against the door to her private quarters, staring at the space on the floor separating her from Liara. Patience paints Liara a softer shade than she allows in the company of others as she searches Shepard's expression. Reverse where they stand and it is a visual recollection of where and how they stood together two years ago on the original Normandy. Shepard's darker quarters did not lend Liara much help for discerning her feelings by looking at her face alone.

"_Hello, Shepard," Liara says, folding her hands behind her back; inhaling deeply, quietly. She inches her fingers back—searching—until she has found the door, and leans her body against the surface. Shepard says nothing, too surprised that Liara has paid her a visit. They just escaped with the ship from the Citadel with Anderson's help, and are en route to Ilos. "I understand if you are surprised to see me. I…surprised myself when I thought I should come here and speak to you. You are always the one to come find me…and…since this is where I knew you would be, I thought it would not hurt to…"_

_Shepard softens her habitual scowl, taking the time to wonder if her usual expression is what makes Liara act like this around her. "It's okay, Liara. Tell me what's on your mind. You seemed fine just a while ago."_

_Liara lowers her head, not removing her eyes from Shepard. And Shepard's guard wants to follow that movement in a seamless arc. Liara's eyes are taking in every bit of light in the room—every bit of Shepard in front of her that she can see. Her pupils widen and the shine extends. Shepard's breath distends in her chest so that she needn't draw it, as she sometimes forgets what it looks like when Liara is around her._

"_I thought…" Liara's voice is breathier than usual. "I've been thinking for several weeks now, that I shouldn't say this. That I wouldn't, and if I did…then it would not end well." When Liara averts her gaze downward, Shepard wants to reach her hand out and re-align their eyes together. She tenses the muscles in her hand instead; Liara wouldn't want to feel Shepard's hand against her face like this. "You are my commander, my leader. And in getting to know you over the months, I have learned how blunt and straight-forward you are…you are unafraid to speak your mind. Although, I have noticed that this is not always the case…at least with me. You treat me differently. You are not abrasive or dismissive at all when we speak, in private or otherwise. It is with that scrap of hope that I have brought myself here…"_

_The source of Shepard's speech is unknown to her, having risen from the shadowed depths in her heart: "You can trust me. Whatever it is, I want to know. Nothing leaves this room if you don't want it to. You have my word."_

_Liara raises her head a bit, pushing herself from against the door. "Never before have I heard such sincerity spoken to me. It's as if you reserve such tenderness in quiet waiting…" That same source makes Shepard step forward—not too close, as her reservations begin to surface anew. "You hide your emotions so well, Shepard. Sometimes I wish I could do the same. I am sure you heard mine behind my voice when I complimented your powerful will. It is your strength, and now your softness that draws me to you…" Shepard cannot stop herself from closing the distance between them—to stand before Liara, to have Liara's beauty in the full canvas of her vision. "A contradiction that stirs me in places so deep, I've not been able to fathom them before you. _Why_ do I find you so compelling, so fascinating…?"_

_Liara's rhetoric flicks a switch in Shepard's mind that manages to turn her thoughts halfway off. What's left of her logic is broken, incomplete; filled with sentiments she never thought she'd want to express: "I think…maybe you realize the danger I pose to you. This is no ordinary mission we're on…there's a lot at stake. Even still, you're risking it all under my command. That takes a lot of trust. Just like I trust your biotics to take care of what I can't see…I don't trust anyone to do that as easily as I do with you, Liara. You are the eyes on the back of my head…do you see how dangerous that is?"_

"_Shepard…" As she speaks, Liara presses her trembling hands against Shepard's heaving chest, easing her backwards. "I have gone over this scenario in my head so many times, wondering what you might say to me…what you might do to me." Those words remove any gravity working against Liara's will of guiding Shepard to her bed. "At first…I thought you would become angry; yell at me about how my feelings are unacceptable. I had nightmares about it—the possibility distracted me. But as time passed…I relished in those moments during missions whenever you would compliment me on a job well done. You never directed those words of encouragement to anyone else. The trust we share in that respect has grown. I do not see how it could be dangerous." Shepard stops—she feels her mattress against the back of her knees. If Liara wishes it, she could finish the job and push her down with little resistance. "Perhaps you can enlighten me?"_

_In an act of submission to Liara's unexpected boldness, Shepard sits down on her own, staring up at her as she figures out how to word herself. For all of Liara's shyness, it was only there to shield such strong sentiments capable of moving Shepard's to align with hers. That cleverness, Shepard finds, is beyond attractive… "I'm a dangerous person to follow completely, beyond my orders. At the rate things are going now, I could wind up telling my superiors to their faces to fuck off while I go do what needs to be done the way I know is best. If you were just part of my squad, I'd expect you to question where I'm heading with things if it gets out of hand for you. But if we were to get involved…"_

_Liara kneels down, clasping her hands in Shepard's lap; regarding her so softly that it pierces Shepard's barriers. The broken shards coalesce to cement Liara's words in her memory: "Then I would follow your every decision, to places and in ways no one else could. Even if I disagreed, I would not part from your side. And now, as we are heading to Ilos with so much uncertainty in our future, that is exactly what I am doing. I would not want things any other way." _

_Liara's presses her chest against Shepard's shins, tempting as she stands. Shepard is convinced she did not do it on purpose—and it is all the more alluring. Liara sits on her right, leaning against her shoulder as she says: "You have been so logical throughout this conversation, Shepard. It is a trait I find admirable in you, but it is also worrying. This entire time I've wanted to ask how you feel about me. It seems all I can do is go on and on about my own feelings. Maybe I'm embarrassing myself in front of you again…" _

"_No," Shepard says, turning her body to face Liara; caressing Liara's face with the back of her hand. "You're not embarrassing yourself. You're right—I have been logical with you. So now, my question to you is this—do you want me to keep being logical, or do you want me to stop?"_

_Liara's eyes flutter closed; she sighs, "By the Goddess, Shepard…" It's gradual, the way Liara falls into Shepard's touch, moving to breathe in the small beads of sweat against Shepard's neck; "how do you expect me to answer that when you have me so vulnerable?" _

_Shepard can't help smiling against Liara's scalp, scenting her growing emotions emanating from there. Liara is partially triggering a joining between them, already, just from Shepard using her other hand against the small of Liara's back to pull her closer…closer… "Maybe I like you being vulnerable, Liara," she murmurs in her ear. Liara shivers in response. "You did say you'd follow me in ways no one else could. But you know, you're not the first one who's told me something like this. Not that I've got eyes for anyone else right now. It's just…" Liara shifts and moans when Shepard's hand over her face moves to shape over her scalp, down the nape of her neck; her shoulder—complimenting those curves so well. "How do I know you really mean what you say? This all could be from the heat of the moment…I don't know that."_

_Liara regards Shepard as she comes to, looking alarmed. "You find it hard…to take me seriously," she concludes, but Shepard will not let her move. "I understand…and I also wish to change that. And if you deem it necessary, whatever happens after Ilos, I want the opportunity to keep trying. It is only right for you to be so discerning when it comes to things of this nature. I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it in a way." _

"_And what way is that?" Shepard asks, taking Liara's hand in hers. Liara looks away. "Tell me. I want to know. I want to know if you're thinking the same thing I am."_

"_The way I enjoy it…is the same way I enjoy you. Wherever you are, however you're feeling, whatever you are capable of…I want to be there where you are, I want to feel that with you, I want to experience your potential to its fullest."_

_Shepard finds it difficult to breathe—her heart has been set aflame from Liara's words, and the resulting smoke only adds to the induced haze. Liara is eager to prove herself. Shepard doesn't want to admit that this isn't necessary. She is high on the power given to her in this acquiescence to think her true feelings for Liara are of any consequence. Even more elevated she becomes when Liara moves to lie down on the bed of her own volition, writhing in a small fit of rapture when Shepard follows suit on top of her._

_And Shepard still has not let go of Liara's hand. "Is this the main hand you use for your biotics?" she asks. Liara nods. Shepard notices fading scars on her palm and knuckles from exploring numerous ruins and dig sites. Liara's nails and cuticles showing signs of habitual biting—the nail of her thumb is the only one that has grown out. Shepard brushes her lips against that same nail. The shine contrasts with the roughness of her cuticles—both make her shiver when an idea strikes her. "I want you to use this hand for me. Show me what you've thought about. What you want me to do to you."_

_Liara does not hesitate, though she does linger as she moves her hand to Shepard's chest. Liara's uses her other hand to remove her clothes. "This is a metaphor for what I have thought of you doing to me. Here." That palpable pounding perpendicular to her palm. "Right here. Let me show you…"_

In the present, Shepard still has her back to the door, her lips parted as she stares at Liara before her. Liara has been watching her think. Once she can tell Shepard has returned from her reverie, she takes her by the hand, guiding her to sit on the couch. Shepard continues to stare at Liara right next to her, entertaining the idea that Liara can tell what she's thinking at all times. Memories of Liara's thoughts are still stained; engrained in her mind: Shepard wearing a toy simulation, using her hips and acting on that metaphor. That is when Liara also saw something that scared her: the shell around Shepard's emotions that she mistook for no emotion at all. Shepard didn't want to explain anything. She allowed Liara to believe that she felt nothing for her. At that point, there was no convincing her otherwise—the damage had already been done. That is the first and last time Shepard recalls ever feeling so…_helpless_.

Instead of Ilos and Saren, they are on their way to Hagalaz to confront the Shadow Broker on his base. This is not their final destination—it is the first of many more to come, with Liara at her side. A chance to start anew, after learning from past mistakes.

"What were you thinking about?" Liara finally asks, moving her body to face Shepard. Shepard notices the way she shifts those hips just a little more than necessary—more than enough to draw her attention to that area. "You looked like you were lost in your memories. I hope it wasn't anything bad."

Shepard has not moved to face Liara. Not yet. She turns her head to regard her aquarium. The color of water is never a viable, visible substitute for the shade of Liara's skin. She is suddenly thirsty. Not for water. "Remember those times you said I'm remarkably strong-willed?" she asks, narrowing her eyes. Liara whispers her affirmative. "Why couldn't you remember that when it mattered the most? At the moment it came down to that being your explanation, your solution, it never even crossed your mind."

"I know," Liara states, biting down on her own words. "It took me months to figure it out on my own. I kept replaying those moments in my head, _trying _to feel you. Once I stopped focusing so much on what I saw in your mind, I was able to see the bigger picture… Shepard. At least look at me…" Liara's hand is on her face, tilting her head to face her. Shepard leans into the touch, unable to regard her. "I need you with me if we're going to discuss this. If we're going to discuss anything at all. I need to know where you stand with me. It's been so long… I know I may seem different these days…but in reality, not much has changed. I still…" Liara cups Shepard's face in both her hands, looking deep in her eyes to convey this meaning that's been building for years: "I can't deny how much I _need_ you. Even if you never use your words to tell me the same, I will go on believing that you do. I won't make the same mistake twice."

Shepard's scowl returns; her gaze moves down. Liara moves her head to regain eye contact, her eyes filled with worry. "It wasn't your fault, Liara," Shepard says, mentally oscillating between wanting to carry Liara to bed and walking away to be alone. Liara can sense this; her hold on Shepard's face tightens, shakes. Shepard feels like a child. "It's my own damn fault for having too strong a hold over my emotions. I won't make excuses for it. I want to make up for it—I want to think it never happened." Shepard's ire rises through gritted teeth, cutting through Liara's anxious expression. "Don't you see? You break my _will_ every time I think about giving you what you want! I want to give you everything, even the things I don't have and have no chance of ever getting! This has nothing to do with guilt, or confusion with how I feel for you. You inspire an irrational rage in me, _just_ because I can't give you the universe…"

And now Shepard wants to leave—_needs_ to leave—to avoid the embarrassment of seeing Liara's understanding in her beautiful face. Or not even _understanding_. Confusion, disgust, annoyance with Shepard's irrational behavior, just as Shepard is annoyed with herself for giving Liara the opportunity to judge her. To misunderstand her in the worst of ways.

Shepard would rather be a mystery than misunderstood.

She breaks away from Liara's hold, rises, and starts to walk away. Shepard can't even take more than three paces before Liara's whisper petrifies her to an emotional state: "That's also why I forgave you. The last thing you said…it took a long time, but I did eventually make that out from the shell you put up."

Shepard turns around; sees Liara lying face-down on the couch, staring up at her with listless eyes. Liara's arms are extended in front of her, as if she fell from the position she was in after Shepard stood with such abruptness.

"I saw how hard it was for you," Liara goes on; "how difficult it was to contain your true desires. You knew I was inexperienced. You knew I was in over my head. You were trying to protect me from yourself. It was a premature fear I felt when I joined my consciousness to yours: feeling so much for the person I think is the one for me, only to have them not feel nearly as much in return. Or anything at all. I thought you led me on some sick game you liked to play, I thought you deceived me and planned on twisting and wringing my heart dry with your games until I had nothing left… I ended it before I could see everything." Liara's confession is exactly what Shepard hoped to avoid in being so instrumental with voicing her feelings that night. If she said too much too soon, Liara could have still deduced what she did. If she said nothing…well, she already knows what happened. "What I showed you helped to break that shell, only I didn't wait to see it for myself when it happened. I should have waited. I should have trusted you. The very thing I admired most in you turned you against me… I was so naïve. So _blind_."

Shepard runs a hand through her hair, ruffling it before it falls down to her back. She walks over to her aquarium, resting her head against the cool glass. There are no fish in the water. Shepard is a glorified killer—she has no business taking care of pets, anything or anyone else. Everyone who knows her jokes about things tending to explode around her—none of them understand how deeply their words bother her whenever Liara is on her mind.

Liara came here, knowing of Shepard's anger, knowing of her strange manner of devotion. Liara stands, walks over to Shepard, and holds her from behind, knowing—understanding. Even in death, Shepard's feelings never stopped growing. When she made no effort to contact her or visit her, that didn't make Liara stop believing.

"Shepard," Liara whispers near her ear; "Tell me…why do you have so much anger? You despise so many things, though I know I am not one of them. I admit, I picked up this trait of yours during my search for the Shadow Broker…and yet now that I have you here in my arms, all of that resentment I had…it's nothing compared to—" Liara holds her tighter for a moment; "—this… To you. To having you with me. Nothing can compare to you…and nothing will ever surpass you. At least, that's how _I_ feel."

Shepard is grateful Liara is unable to see her face right now. Facing her while admitting something like this—after hearing such welcome sincerity from her—would be too much. "Because, Liara…because it's a part of me and it always has been. I had a rough time growing up…always feeling limited, bored. I ran with a few gangs for a while, to make a name for myself. I've always had to prove something to someone until I made it big. I felt the same when I first became a Spectre. But in the end, that name I worked so hard for changes nothing. It can be taken away so easily…"

Liara's tone warms up when Shepard turns around in her arms, "There are so many things in this universe that are ephemeral…"

Shepard _wants _to say that her feelings for Liara are not, that her determination is not. That she dreams of giving Liara the greatest gift she can fathom: certainty in all things, control over the continuity of the things she wants. Control…

"When you say that," Shepard tells Liara, pulling her close, "it makes me realize how little control I truly have over things. How I'm probably not in control of anything at all. I can do everything in my power to turn the tables in my favor, only to not have that happen."

"So you _are_ human after all," Liara says. Shepard pulls away from her, staring in disbelief. Liara smiles. "I don't say that to remind you of your limitations, Shepard. I only meant what I said—you are human. But to me, you are a goddess capable of doing anything you set your mind to. I've seen it firsthand." Liara presses her lips against the flush of Shepard's cheek, smiling still against her skin. "I don't think I have ever seen you blush before."

Shepard tenses her jaw, though her heart is soaring from the _contact_. "Just…don't get used to it." Liara's smirk goes straight to that soaring sensation—lifting it further.

—

Liara knew she was being a tease when she left Shepard's quarters, claiming to have promised Mordin they would continue their earlier discussion on the genophage before arriving at the Shadow Broker's base. Shepard had no desire to get lost in their scientific jargon, and chose to visit Tali in the med bay instead. Garrus returned to his calibrations after Shepard took his place at Tali's side. Legion was not in the med bay when Shepard arrived.

Shepard is of the mind to gather her crew to ask everyone at large what they wish to do now, though she already has a good idea of their individual situations. Grunt is the only one who has already left the ship, to pursue his own goals on Tuchanka with his clan. Tali was exiled from the Flotilla even after Shepard shouted down the Admiralty Board. Evidence of her father's work managed to leak back to the admirals at the last minute. Tali was denied proper medical assistance after Shepard tried to contact the Migrant Fleet, explaining her injuries. Shepard then made it clear to the quarians that they avoid asking her or Tali for help in the future, with the Reapers, with the geth or anything else.

Shepard can see the many patches on Tali's suit as she sleeps, wondering how she manages to live with such risks everyday. She can't imagine not being able to kiss Liara, for example, without risking illness. Why hasn't she kissed Liara yet?

Tali stirs, as if jostled by Shepard's racing thoughts. Shepard can't tell if she's awake. A few moments pass and Tali remains in silence. Shepard assumes she is still asleep. She begins pacing around, groaning Liara's name from time to time, unable to help herself. Thoughts of storming in Mordin's lab, grabbing Liara and kissing her without caring who sees—they refuse to leave her. That won't work. Shepard knows Liara is a private person, just as she is. It won't work. She wouldn't approve. It can't work.

The door to the AI Core opens, and out comes Legion with his Widow at the ready, finding Shepard staring back at him in alarm. "Shepard-Commander!" he starts, lowering his sniper rifle; "We detected several footsteps and aggravated voices coming from this area. We believed intruders had compromised the ship's security systems, with intentions of harming Creator Tali'Zorah. We apologize for our hostility."

"Ugh, _why _do you two have to be so _loud_?" Tali complains, startling Shepard further. "I wake up after who knows how long to Shepard grunting Liara's name over and over, and now Legion's here. There really should be a way for you to adjust the volume of your voice, Legion. If there isn't, remind me to install one in you once I'm able to walk."

Legion is silent. Shepard guesses he's processing what Tali said. "That was a joke," she informs him.

"No," Tali says, "it wasn't."

Legion still chooses to say nothing. Shepard shakes her head at him, returning to Tali's side. "I didn't think you'd be awake so soon. You were in pretty bad shape. How are you feeling?"

Tali sighs, "Tell me about it… The last thing I remember is nearly burning up in those vents, and finally getting out only to be target practice for a wave of Collectors. I can't really move yet, but I think I'm alright. Thank you, Shepard." She pauses for a moment, looking between Shepard and Legion. "Though I have to wonder why you kept repeating Liara's name like that. You sounded frustrated about something."

_Frustrated_… "It's nothing, Tali," Shepard lies, shaking her head. "She _is_ here on the ship with us. She'll be coming along with us for a couple of missions. I don't know exactly what will happen after we're done with these missions. Since you're awake, I figure I should ask about your plans now. If you have any plans, or anywhere you need to be now that we've dealt with the Collectors."

"Hmm…" Tali takes a moment to think, sounding skeptical of Shepard's claim about Liara. "Well, since I can't go back to the Migrant Fleet, and the geth are still parading around on my homeworld, I'd prefer to stay with my ship's Captain. Wherever she goes."

Shepard folds her arms, leaning against the window nearby. "And what if your Captain stays with Cerberus instead of going back to the Alliance? What then?"

"Then I will remind my Captain that the grenade I offered to loan her is still up for grabs," Tali replies. Shepard can't tell if Tali's happy about this or not. "But really, Shepard, I can't keep faulting Cerberus as much as I have been. Whether I like it or not, they did at least _some _good in the galaxy by hiring you. I'm trying to sever ties to the Flotilla, which means I can't stay angry over what Cerberus did there."

Shepard sighs in relief. "I'm glad you feel that way, Tali. Depending on how things go after these two missions, I might end up staying with them." She turns to Legion. "What about you? Any plans now that we've rewritten the heretics?"

"We do not have any immediate goals that we wish to pursue," Legion says. "As long as Shepard-Commander wishes it, we will remain here as part of the crew for the maximum time we are needed."

Shepard nods. "You'll always be a useful part of the team, Legion. But, just so we're clear…"

Legion understands—Shepard doesn't need to finish her sentence. "We will improve precautions in the future to ensure that we do not threaten any of the crew. We will prioritize avoiding hostility against Shepard-Commander. We understand that this platform risks non-functionality by repeating this mistake in the future."

"I'm happy we see eye-to-eye on the issue," Shepard replies in a final tone. "I'm going to ask the rest of the team about their plans. I'll check on you later, Tali."

—

Shepard takes her usual seat in the main battery while she converses with Garrus, though she's uncertain how the conversation got to this point. She first came to see Garrus to ask about what he wanted to do—now the topic has turned itself around on her. Despite her irritation with the subject matter, she listens with as much patience as she can muster.

"I don't know, Commander," Garrus is saying, "working for Cerberus, telling the Alliance and the Council to shove it? Sure, the Illusive Man was pretty proactive against the Collectors, but I can't forgive him for purposely sending us into a trap more than once. The sting of betrayal is…difficult for me to forget. You understand."

"Yeah, Garrus, I do understand," Shepard replies, leaning back against the wall and folding her arms; "That's why I'm here, asking if you want to stay on my team. You've gone your own way against impossible odds before."

Garrus shifts where he stands, mirroring Shepard's body language. "Exactly. And I just might end up doing the same thing again. I've been thinking of going back to Palaven, seeing my father. I've told you a bit about him. If I can convince anyone back home to listen to me about the Reaper threat, it's him. Even if it's a long-shot, I have to at least try _something_."

"Even if you end up having to take care of it on your own," Shepard supplies, staring up at the ceiling. She can sympathize with Garrus' reasoning—she wouldn't be surprised if one day the Normandy had to take down legions of Reapers on its own, with Joker at the helm and Shepard right behind him, dictating additional maneuvers. "I see where you're coming from. I'll let Joker know you need to get to Palaven. He'll drop you off while Liara and I take care of the Shadow Broker."

"Thanks, Shepard. It's been an honor working with you again. I'm sure it won't be the last time." Garrus offers his hand as Shepard stands—they shake hands, though they don't let go right away. "You and Liara are tackling the Broker by yourselves? That's damn ballsy of you two… What's the occasion?"

Shepard moves her hand to her hip instead, smirking. "Garrus, this is just how Liara and I work. We're celebrating her return to the team by taking on a heavily-guarded ship belonging to one of the most powerful icons in the galaxy. Think of it as a party."

"A party with raining bullets and biotics instead of confetti and champagne," Garrus quips; "I can definitely see the appeal. Liara sure seems happy to be back. She told me all about your reunion on Illium." Shepard's face falls. She can't imagine Liara telling Garrus about anything like that, or anyone at all for that matter. "Oh, but don't worry, Commander. She left all the juicy bits up to my imagination. Liara's changed over the years… There's a certain word I'd use to describe her now. Not sure if I'd be overstepping my boundaries. You _are_ right in front of me, after all."

Shepard's expression is blank—in waiting for Garrus' opinion to fill it with a better reaction to him. "…let's hear it. And not just the one word. I'm curious to know what you think of her."

"Well," Garrus begins, cautious; "I have to say, Liara's…er, sexy. Sexier than before, if you always saw her that way and didn't tell me, that is. At least it's obvious she is when she talks about you. It's in her body language—pretty hard to miss in someone you've known for a while…" Thoughts of Liara seducing Garrus for unknown reasons go through Shepard's mind. She lingers on them, scowling at them. _Unknown_ reasons…perhaps to make Shepard jealous, to tease her… Shepard's scowl deepens when her heart begins to pound—and that metaphor comes back to mind. "Did I…miss something, Shepard? Is there something going on between you two?"

"Yeah…there is. Not sure if I'm ready to discuss it with anyone just yet…" Shepard averts her gaze. Garrus hums his acknowledgment. "Anyway, I'd better get back to it. I'll be sure to drop by with Liara before we head out."

"Sounds good, Commander," Garrus says as Shepard takes her leave. "Looking forward to it."

That wasn't awkward at all.

Shepard rubs her temples as she makes her way to Miranda's office, realizing off-hand she's on a counter-clockwise path on the Crew Deck to see about her team. Garrus looks up to Shepard, goes to her for advice about relevant issues when he needs it. To stumble in front of him when Liara is brought up in such a way is extraordinary—beyond embarrassing. She has no qualms about Garrus judging her or gossiping about her personal issues—Shepard has always felt comfortable with him in those respects.

Liara's comment about Shepard being human after all comes back to mind as she stands in front of the door. Shepard wipes the sardonic smile off of her face before entering.

Miranda is not at her desk—she is instead sitting on her couch, gazing out the window. She stands when Shepard arrives, gesturing for the commander to join her.

"Commander," Miranda greets her as they sit down together, "I assume you're here to talk about what happened earlier with Jack…" Shepard's regard hardens; the equivalent of an affirmative. Miranda sighs, staring out the window again while she prepares to explain. "For once, Jack had every right to act out the way she did. I haven't risked going down to apologize to her. I remember your orders. Hell, if I were you I'd be seriously reconsidering allowing me to remain here as your executive officer."

"You work for the Illusive Man," Shepard reminds her, "not me. It's his decision. I think he would've notified you by now if he planned on demoting you. Besides, you got your sister someplace safe again and out of your father's reach. The situation's been resolved."

"All thanks to you. Oriana only had to drop your name and Aria took care of her. You've made quite a name for yourself."

Miranda takes a moment to think, again staring at some point far, far in the distance. Shepard never expected to hear that kind of affirmation from her. They had a distant, strained relationship before the end of their suicide mission. At one point during a rare visit to Miranda's office, Shepard thought she heard Miranda say she disliked the way Shepard spoke to her. And something else.

"_You make me feel naïve," Miranda says to her, "the way you talk about such things as if they're beneath you. And they are. And I wish you could teach me how you do that…how you put things beneath you. People. Men or women, whatever your preferences. Even me…"_

Shepard never asked her for clarification. She didn't comment on it then and she doesn't see the point in doing so now—Miranda knows enough about Shepard's relationship with Liara. Unless Miranda brings it up first and asks her a direct question…

"Shepard…" Miranda starts, in a tone that makes her next words far too easy to predict, "I wasn't only distracted over Oriana during the mission. I've never met anyone like you… There's something about you that makes it difficult for me to maintain the necessary amount of professionalism around you. What's worse is I have a feeling you've known for a while now…only it's so inconsequential to you that you've not chosen to dwell on it. Sound about right?"

Now is not a good time for Shepard to be unyielding in her responses. "You're a good judge of character, Miranda. I just don't think _inconsequential_ is the right word. If I never met Liara, I would want you to be upfront with me about your feelings. Liara has been an emotional priority for me for years now. I always felt like I'd be crossing her if I spoke to you on that level."

"I understand," Miranda replies, sounding mechanical in her response.

Shepard frowns at that. "No, you don't. I don't care if you're our voyeur on several occasions—you're not going to understand how I feel about her or why I act the way I do when it comes to Liara."

Miranda shifts in her seat, sticking her chest out for a moment too long; lowering her chin and focusing on a spot outside the window at a more reasonable distance. "Then I dare you to tell me everything. I want to see for myself if I can accept her beating me to your heart. I want to know."

"I won't tell you everything—I'll tell you enough." If Miranda wants to be a masochist, Shepard is in no place to stop her. Never mind the discrepancy between not wanting to tell Garrus, Tali or Jack anything when they ask, or even Liara when she makes it clear she wants to know. And yet she has no problem telling this to Miranda: "Liara has stood by my side in ways I didn't think anyone had the patience for. Even after so much confusion and hardship, she pulled through and waited for me. I've never seen anyone who was so happy to see me when I went to pick her up, Miranda. She doesn't expect anything of me—she just…_knows _I feel the same about her. We went years without contact and I still feel the same way…"

Miranda is looking at her now, frowning in concentration. Shepard returns the regard, knowing she's hurting her. She is uncaring of her predicament. "I'll give her everything I can," Shepard continues, "whether she asks for it or not. When it comes down to it, she's all I care about. I don't give a damn if it's selfish or stupid. Liara deserves everything she wants and needs. I can give that to her. I'm trying. I will. No matter what."

"And you won't hesitate to treat other people as things," Miranda adds, staring at Shepard's crossed legs. Shepard stays still, though she wants to nod. Again, now is not a good time. "So even you would become a tyrant for the woman you love… That's remarkable. Beautiful, even. Just as you are. Liara's very lucky to have you." Her gaze returns to the window, softening as her pupils adjust. "These are uncertain times we live in. For her to have you—the very embodiment of certainty…"

Miranda's sentence trails off; she turns her head away, so that Shepard can't see her face. Too many moments pass in silence for Shepard's liking—she leaves without saying anything. The door closing behind her says enough in her stead.

—

When Shepard enters the room where Kasumi used to spend her time, she's surprised to find a datapad addressed to her on the table with several stolen relics and Keiji's greybox. Next to the datapad is a red rose she once mentioned in conversation, how she used to leave one in place of an item she stole until she realized how silly it was.

_Shepard,_

_If you're reading this, then that means the mission didn't go so well. Not for me, anyway. I went into this knowing what we were up against. No regrets. It's a shame the best thief in the galaxy isn't around anymore, but maybe that doesn't always have to be the case. Before you start trying to figure out where I'm going with this, hear me out. _

_Remember Keiji's greybox? It should be right here next to the rose. Now I'm glad you convinced me not to destroy it. I want you to have it, to use the information in there however you see fit. I've also included my own memories in the greybox—my secrets, tricks of the trade, things like that. You're a damn good infiltrator already, but just think what you could accomplish if you followed in my footsteps! Who knows, maybe you'll hatch some crazy scheme to go on a heist in some impossible location._

_With the information in this box, that heist won't be impossible at all once you get some practice in. The intel I mentioned that could start a war has to do with some Alliance black ops raids in batarian space. Search for it in the greybox. I'm sure if you presented it to the Council, the Alliance would have a war on their hands, but at least they'd find some actual Reaper tech from the batarians. The Council would have to believe you about the Reapers eventually, hopefully before they show up at your door. You're free to keep everything else, maybe as decoration for your apartment when you finally decide to leave the Normandy._

_The rest of what I have to say is in the greybox. It was great experience being a part of your team, Shep. Keep doing what you do best. Give Liara that everlasting rose, and tell her I said "I told you so." She contacted me a while back, demanding to know the whereabouts of her office terminal. I stole it just for fun back when we were on Illium. No idea how she found out it was me, or even how she got my contact information. She's good at what she does. She should do a better job at hiding those vids, though. Take care of her._

—_K.G._

Shepard is still laughing at the image of Liara enraged over her terminal being stolen from right under her sets the datapad down next to Keiji's greybox, picking up the rose. The stem still has thorns.

She sits down on the couch in the same place Kasumi used to always sit, taking a few moments to slowly remove the thorns one at a time. Samara has made it clear where she will be, even after the next two missions. Jack will leave when she wants to, whether it's abrupt or not, so Shepard sees no point in speaking to her to confirm this. Joker will most likely want to be wherever the Normandy is. The only one left to speak to is Mordin, and Liara must still be speaking with him in his lab. So far, Garrus is the only one who has business elsewhere.

_And what if I become this tyrant Miranda mentioned? Will they still follow me, or will they tell me I've gone crazy?_

Shepard can only think about toning down the traits Liara has a hard time with.

As she removes one thorn, she contemplates how Liara would react to her if she spoke her mind all the time.

As she removes another, she wonders if Liara would react well to public displays of affection.

Another; she thinks Liara would enjoy Shepard being more expressive about her feelings, even if it's just in private.

Ask Liara if she minds the near-constant scowling.

Does Liara feel this constant haze in her chest, too?

_And what do her lips taste like? Her skin? Her smile…her tears… Her grace, her intelligence, her beauty—what would the texture of each one feel like against my tongue, how potent are they? How have they grown over these years…? It's been too long. I can't make the same mistake twice, either._


	4. M12 Locust

**Note, to my** **dearest Jay:** Last minute change…continuing as I was wouldn't have felt right. I'm sure you can find it in your beautiful heart to forgive me… The next chapter will have that warning I mentioned—I've been working on this one and chapter five simultaneously. Remember all those times I mentioned my favorite element of style/narrative is foreshadowing?

—

_**IV. **__M-12 Locust_

Pitch black: a power failure. Shepard stands where the Shadow Broker once was; Liara's hand stops her from turning on the light of her sniper rifle. "Don't," she says. "Not yet."

"How did you know?" Shepard asks, holstering her Widow over her back. Footsteps, closeness; Liara removes Shepard's N7 helmet, lifts her sheet of hair hidden in her armor, fanning it over Shepard's back. "What are you doing?" Her helmet falls to the metallic floor; it rolls for a moment. "Shouldn't we find a way to get the power back on?" Liara drops what must be her pistol; it rattles before settling down by the helmet. "Better yet, aren't you upset about Feron? We were too late to save him…" And Liara drops her submachine gun, before taking Shepard's hand in hers. "Liara, I just helped you earn a whole network of information and you don't even care—!"

Liara raises two fingers to Shepard's lips—soft pressing into soft. "I don't need it." She presses down harder just as Shepard tries to open her mouth to speak. "I have no desire to be the next Shadow Broker. I only wanted revenge. And now, I have you to thank for helping me." Shepard leans forward after Liara takes _that_ hand away. "As for Feron…" Shepard's eyes dart around in vain, straining to see, to confirm what is going on in front of her. "He tried to betray me once. Perhaps even more than that. Most of our conversations had to do with you: about how you clearly tricked me, how you still would not want me when you returned. It was more than obvious he wanted something from me."

The ventriloquist places Shepard's hands over the chest pressed against her own. Her hands slide down over Liara's coat—and stop, to cup—by force of gravity and thoughtless want alone. Shepard can't think to stop this. Liara is massaging the back of her scalp, easing her head to rest against her neck. "Part of me wants to think Feron deserved what happened to him," Liara continues, her voice soft as it hums close to Shepard's ear. The ventriloquist is at work again—Shepard is made to walk backwards through the ship as Liara speaks on. "Feron saw right away that your power was what initially drew me to you. He tried to compensate, but it was laughable, really. Flattering. But I also found it disrespectful. Whenever he tried to make a move on me, all I could think about…was you. In my mind, whether you wanted me or not…I belonged to you." That sentiment cuts off any attempt Shepard makes to figure out how Liara knows where she's going in this darkness. Gone is any uncertainty about letting Liara lead her like this. "It's cruel…to speak of him this way…after all that's happened. I won't take back what I said. But, Shepard… Tell me: was that…a fair assumption to make? Or was I wrong to think that?"

Shepard can feel against her nose Liara's quickened pulse. Liara's anticipation is a spore through her pores as her breathing picks up. Shepard inhales that scent, so natural, of skin, of Liara—she slides her hands down to wrap around Liara's waist. The sound echoes through the hall, as does Liara's shallow exhale. "It was more than fair," she says. Shepard turns her hold to possessive, claiming this part of Liara's body with a locked clamp. In time with Liara's high-pitched surprise, Shepard hisses over her neck: "It was _true_."

Shepard uses Liara's moment of weakness to her advantage; turns to slam Liara against the nearest surface—an office window. She isn't thinking when she moves to claim Liara's lips for the first time; nor does she expect Liara to turn her head right before that contact, as if she anticipated it. _"Don't,"_ she repeats; "Not yet…"

Liara tries to remove herself from the window and push Shepard back onto their earlier path. Shepard growls her disagreement, keeping Liara pinned there. She speaks in a soft heat against Liara's jaw: "I wish I could look into your eyes right now, and see what it is you're feeling. If you could see mine, what do you think you'd find there?"

"Power," Liara responds with right away; she inhales, slow, "patience. Your own form of adoration for me… And unpredictability."

Shepard allows Liara to veer them back on course—she is again walking backwards to wherever Liara wishes them to be. "You sound like you're controlling yourself," she points out, nuzzling Liara's face to make a point. Liara shivers. "I thought that was my job…?"

"To control yourself?" Liara asks, to clarify; "Or to control me?" Shepard chooses not to respond, though her answer is clear by the smirk on her face. Liara sighs, deep. "We only have so much time before Joker returns to pick us up… But at least we're almost back outside."

"…since we're changing the subject," Shepard begins, dull with disappointment, "tell me exactly why you don't want to be the Shadow Broker. I thought information brokering was your calling?"

Liara hesitates for a moment. "It isn't," she admits; "You are." Shepard's neck heats up at that. "It seems foolish to just…give up all those resources. I'm sure there will be a galaxy-wide scandal as to why the Shadow Broker has stopped checking in… When you went to go check on Jack, Samara told me what she said when the Illusive Man persuaded you to keep the Collector Ship in-tact. That you have not truly defeated your enemy when you use their methods against them. Her words made me re-think my entire career."

"So…what?" Shepard asks. "Now you don't agree with the decision I made about the ship? You're going to forget about your career just because of what one person said?"

Liara smiles—why, Shepard does not know. "_Your_ decision was different. I agree with what you chose to do—it was a good call. We need all the information we can get on the Reapers. Even if I did stay here as the new Shadow Broker, I wouldn't have much to offer you about an enemy that most of the galaxy is content to ignore. Besides, I plotted revenge by using my enemy's methods when I shouldn't have done that. It would have been much more satisfying to finally defeat him if I hadn't." Shepard avoids chiming in with the reminder that Liara did the only thing she could. She must not have had any other options. "I doubt you plan on defeating the Reapers by learning to harvest them for your own gain."

Shepard can't even fathom doing such a thing—she understands Liara's, and Samara's point. "I see what you mean. Doing that wouldn't feel right. I only kept the ship for research…since you're not staying here, I thought you could help with that. Something's telling me to stick with Cerberus, even if it's just for now. Remember that mission Hackett asked me to go on alone, and I turned him down…? Well…" Shepard's attention wanes when she feels what must be Liara fidgeting with one of the clasps keeping her armor together. "The whole thing seemed shady to me. I didn't trust his intel for some reason."

"I see. And I'll gladly help, yes…" Liara places a hand against the back of Shepard's head right before having her stop against a door. "If you're staying with Cerberus, you must have some sort of plan."

"Yeah…thanks to you. The more time I spend with you, the clearer everything is. I don't know what I'd do without you."

Shepard hears the biotics activate before Liara begins to glow—they are surrounded by a biotic sphere just before the door to the hull of the ship opens. Liara's eyes glow a brilliant shade, reflecting the ever-present sunset and storm—as does her smile. "I love that you can be a romantic, even if you don't think you are." She reaches behind her back to untangle Shepard's hands from there, to hold one of them. "Let's find someplace safe to sit. Hopefully nowhere near a capacitor or any of the maintenance drones."

_Romantic _reminds Shepard of Kasumi's rose she plans on giving to Liara after the next mission. "By the way… Kasumi left me a note. She asked me to tell you she told you so. No idea what she meant."

Liara laughs in time with the sound of thunder, her eyes iridescent with understanding. They almost look hazel in this light—like Shepard's. Seeing herself mirrored in Liara, in ways she never thought she would sets her mind ablaze with a host of other possibilities. "That woman…I'll never forgive her for stealing my office terminal that day," she says in good-humor, fondness clear in her face. "It's a shame she didn't make it… I'll have to pay my respects somehow. You knew her better than I did—we should come up with something, together." Shepard nods, though her confusion is still plain. "I think she meant she was able to read you correctly. After she graciously returned my terminal, we kept in contact about you. She reassured me I was…well…I'm sure you understand."

"I get it," Shepard confirms; "She kept asking me about you after we left Illium to pick up Samara and Thane. I don't think she meant to do it, but she really gave me a guilt-trip about not paying you a visit… It bothered me a lot. Even distracted me at the worst times."

Liara hums her acknowledgment. "Speaking of being distracted… I have a feeling there's something off about Miranda." Shepard's veins go cold; her heart drops. Liara's tone is just as cold, and she's scowling. "I also spoke with her when you went to go check on Jack. She was very curt with me. Joker tried to reassure me that that's how she always is. I don't think that's the case. Not with me, at least."

"What did you two talk about?" Shepard asks, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible.

Liara is too entrenched in her memory of the conversation to notice. "I was only trying to understand _how_ she could make such a disastrous oversight with one of her companions. I also told her I knew of her background and skills, which was another reason why I was so confused. She all but told me to mind my own business! So much for me helping her to her feet after Jack sent her flying across the deck… I'll have to be more careful about helping her in the future."

Telling Liara about Miranda's feelings would help to sate her. Not telling would be respecting Miranda's privacy, but also lying by omission. She has a brief moment to think when Liara has them sit in a covered area of the hull. Shepard removes the rest of her armor and sets it aside; she doesn't hold Liara's hand again. They sit in silence, watching the storm; hoping to not see the Normandy flying by any time soon.

"I don't like this, Shepard," Liara says. "You are a rather silent person, I know, but right now you're far too quiet." She doesn't ask for permission before straddling Shepard's lap. That pressure pushes away any regard Shepard had for Miranda's privacy, or her own. "Tell me what's bothering you."

Shepard lowers her head, but refuses to break eye contact. "There's a lot to tell…"

"I'll accept a summary," Liara states; "In fact, I'd prefer one to your silence. You're making me worry."

"There's nothing to worry about…unless it bothers you that she has feelings for me." Liara's eyes glaze over, her posture weakens. Shepard tightens her hold over Liara in case she decides to leave. "I only found out just before we came here, when I went to go see about everyone's plans. I sort of had an idea already, but I…tried not to dwell on it because I didn't care. She always acted like she _disliked _me."

Liara's scowl returns. "I…see."

Shepard regards her in worry, uncertain if she wants to know Liara's exact thoughts at the moment. "I didn't think it would bother you this much…but after the way she treated you, I can understand. I get that she's jealous… I'll have a talk with her about her behavior; let her know she has _no_ right whatsoever to fuck with you. I appreciate her bringing me back—"

She is cut off by the swift vigor pressed against her parted mouth, opening it further; deepening so sudden. That vigor jets down, around, over, between—everywhere, inside, swelling far beyond the confines of her body. Energy long-confined can now be expressed as movement, reciprocation: a mirror of the nearby storm going strong in the freedom of the atmosphere. She feels herself falling, pushed down by force of need; the vibrations and novelty against her lips, her teeth, her tongue—they _beg_ for her reactions.

Shepard's hands fumble against Liara's body, searching for a modicum of stability. She is being tipped back more and more the harder Liara presses down and pulls at Shepard's waist. This new heat and humidity mixing in and around her mouth: it simmers her mind, sears her raw with white-hot devotion. It tastes of Liara, of how sweet and fine her breath is, like a delicacy too exquisite to be of this universe…and saline.

Shepard doesn't have to open her eyes. Rivulets stream down quicker, thicker between their faces, collecting near their lips and trickling further down. Liara's hold on her grows even more urgent as Shepard softens in turn. Emotions so unexpected make Liara oscillate between urgency and uncertainty in her touch, trembling as a result.

Liara's voice is muffled, stricken: "All that time—" She wedges her words between their lips; "—_can't_ keep pretending—" Shepard opens her eyes to take in the storm just behind Liara; "—I was _obsessed_…I still am—" so fitting; "—not once…did I ever stop loving you. I still…"

That sentiment presents itself as the ventriloquist this time, guiding Shepard's hands to undress Liara—without any interruptions this time. Liara's docile reactions change the very lining of Shepard's heart into an open void to be filled with this intimacy. Time dilates at the behest of Liara's touch. She knows Liara's mind is at work, but that knowledge begins to fade; her control is being relieved from her.

_Shepard…is this the hand you use to pull the trigger?_

Shepard's affirmative is known, but broken. Just before Liara finds her mind, they're interrupted by the sound of the Normandy's engines. Liara's annoyance is clear as she wipes her face; Shepard is far too dazed to understand what's going on. Shepard remembers seeing fragments of a park, somewhere unknown, with a younger Liara holding that same hand, beckoning her in ways a child should not have been able to.

—

The shuttle ride to ground on Horizon is longer than necessary. After leaving the Shadow Broker's ship, Liara refused to shower or change out of her coat. Now Shepard understands why.

Liara sits next to her, openly glancing at Miranda, watching her fester in silence. Samara is at Shepard's other side, appearing normal, but from time to time the breaths she takes are longer. Shepard tries to put everything else to the back of her mind, and focus on getting her team ready.

"When we hit the ground, I expect—"

She is cut off by Miranda speaking to Liara at the same time, "—you smell like _sex_."

Liara glares at the wall in front of her. "…your _point_?"

Miranda is oblivious to Shepard's leer in her direction for interrupting her. "You could have _at least _showered before we left the Normandy. We can't afford any distractions. The mission may already be compromised, thanks to you."

Samara puts a hand over Shepard's shoulder before she can stand up in a rage. "Keep calm, Commander," she speaks softly in the midst of the back-and-forth between Liara and Miranda. "We cannot afford to let emotions get in the way of our mission. I believe it is best to let them say what they need to say now, as opposed to later."

Shepard frowns, adjusting her new visor. "Yeah, you're right…so long as it doesn't get out of hand."

"—Shepard knows better," Miranda is saying; "She follows standard protocol before an operation, no matter the situation. As her executive officer, I'm fully in my rights to reprimand you if she chooses not to. She hasn't ordered me to stop, which means—"

"—_which means _she doesn't care!" Liara scoffs. "Or she enjoys it." Samara places her hand over Shepard's shoulder again just in time. "She certainly enjoyed _me_ before the Normandy's timely arrival. I imagine you enjoyed listening over her radio. What did Joker think? Better yet, what did _you _think?" Shepard is tense all over, in a vain effort to self-petrify in order to avoid stepping in. Part of her needs to know how this conversation will end. Miranda is stone-faced. "As I suspected. I thought I heard your voice once. Shepard was too busy to notice."

An incoming transmission doesn't deter Miranda from the argument, or Liara. Shepard stands and takes the few steps toward the monitor, needing to find her balance as she goes. It's from Aria. Shepard takes the call, musing about Aria's wonderful timing.

"Shepard," Aria says, looking displeased, "you're on your way to Sanctuary, right? There's something…" She trails off when she hears the on-going conversation in the background. Aria's forced smirk says enough. Shepard does her best to maintain some kind of professionalism as she waits for Aria to continue. "Mmm, sounds like you have your hands full. I _would _say more, but…under the circumstances…"

Shepard rubs her temples, sighing. "Believe me, Aria, I know… What were you about to tell me?"

Aria pauses for a moment to let out a dry chuckle at Liara's choice of words. "Right…I'm here to let you know I haven't heard from my daughter, Liselle, in a few weeks. I thought I would have heard from her by now, but she skipped off with some ex-Cerberus operative, Grayson. Paul Grayson. Red sand addict, damn ugly for a human and a _complete_ nut-case. Don't even bother asking me what she sees in him…" Aria rolls her eyes in disgust. "The Illusive Man contacted me a few minutes ago, proposing some kind of pact between him and Omega, claiming Grayson's gone rogue and kidnapped my girl. I didn't believe him for a second. The only thing he accomplished was making me even more suspicious."

"You think Cerberus, or Sanctuary might have something to do with her disappearance?" Shepard asks, folding her arms.

"Maybe, maybe not," Aria says; "Grayson promised me he was done with Cerberus. Something to do with his biotic daughter and the quarians—I don't remember and I don't care. I may not like him, but I know a liar when I see one. He sounded legit. I'm willing to bet she was snatched and taken there. Idiots must not have known she's _my _daughter…" Aria runs a hand over her face, letting a portion of her shell down. "I'm getting more and more word-of-mouth from a lot of scared asari about this place, Shepard. None of it's good. If you're bringing little Liara with you, and the Justicar, you'd better watch them."

Shepard has no reason to doubt Aria's suspicions—she wants to worry, but she knows now isn't the time. "Why? What are you hearing?"

"That it's the purebloods that don't make it out of the place to tell the tale," Aria explains. "Liselle's father…was an asari, which makes her a pureblood. The mixed ones are sometimes sent off for _disposal…_and some of them managed to escape to the human colony there, and catch a shuttle off-world. They said they were stripped of any comm devices before they got there. But they all sound too fucked up to tell me anything _useful!_ Whenever anyone asks, they just repeat _it all seemed harmless_, over and over again_. _What the hell is _that_ supposed to mean?"

"No idea…" Shepard says, shaking her head. "Whether I find Liselle here or not, you'll be the first one I check in with once we're done here. I'll get to the bottom of this, Aria. Trust me."

"I trust you, Shepard," Aria replies with right away. "You've always kept your word with me. I can't tell anyone else about my daughter, in case they try and use the information against me. Keep this under wraps." Shepard nods; Aria looks pleased enough, all things considered. "Good. I should leave you to deal with your women. I expect to hear from you soon."

After the transmission ends, Shepard turns to find her squad staring back at her in silence. "So the two of you finally decided to shut up," she comments, looking between Liara and Miranda. "I sure hope you've aired everything out now. If not, you can continue your conversation _after _the mission."

Shepard notices Liara is without a weapon. They didn't have time to go retrieve her guns, or Shepard's helmet. She hands Liara her Locust SMG, leaving her with just a sniper rifle as her only weapon. "Take this, and keep it." She can't bring herself to ask if she heard what Aria said about purebloods, and to watch after Liara once they're inside the facility. Shepard trusts that Samara and Miranda can handle anything that comes their way, from experience. This is the first time Shepard finds herself faltering to say the same of Liara, of herself. _Not once…did I ever stop loving you. I still…_ "…you might need it."

Liara takes the weapon in both hands, looking down at it in her lap. "This is…there are only two of these in existence. Thank you, Shepard… I'll be sure to take good care of it."


	5. M98 Widow

**Note. **Fuck, man, I had to re-write this chapter like three times! Whatever, it's here now; enjoy it. I'll do my best to update more frequently now that I've gotten my laptop to think it's brand new again. PMs/e-mails/reviews/text messages are always appreciated. Also: _**NSFW/S **_(not safe for work/school) because of disturbing images and all that jazz. I'll make up for it in later installments, so stick with me.

—

_**V. **__M-98 Widow_

"_To think we could tilt the power of balance with a single shot…"_

And Shepard is being shot at by the Alliance as she climbs up the pearl-white tower of Sanctuary during sunset, alone. Sharpshooters are on the ground; ships are circling on her location; Samara is holding off a score of security inside, keeping Liara and Miranda safe. The only thing keeping her safe is her cloak—she can only keep it activated for so long under such stress. From the infrared beams being pointed at her, she can predict where the sharpshooters will fire. The soldiers in the ships are trying to talk her down—it's clear that their intention is to discourage her from climbing any higher, not kill her. Because this is an _Alliance _facility—there is an Alliance symbol right on the front of the main building. Shepard doesn't give a damn right now that the place _used _to belong to Cerberus until the Alliance took over—she's getting shot at like this for _trespassing._

Every time she clutches at a ledge, she imagines clawing at the Illusive Man's face; pulling his fucking eyes out as she retracts her hand to climb anew.

Miranda is guiding her via radio, sounding as though she's moving around in a rush: _"No one's found us yet, Liara's at a nearby console; she's nearly bypassed security so we can re-open the door to the room we're in once you're inside. She's still having trouble gaining access to any doors on the lower floors, so you'll have to keep climbing… I'm doing what I can to bring in reinforcements; I've also found some security codes here—they'll get us into the main lab so we can begin our investigation. Just keep climbing as high as you can—you'll see Samara through the highest window soon enough."_

"_Shepard, please," _Liara speaks as quickly as she is typing, _"promise me you won't fall. I'm so sorry we were separated. I wish you'd have let me stay with you! Promise me—Goddess—Shepard, I can't lose you, not like this, not now…"_

Shepard cloaks again, shutting her eyes in lieu of looking down—pushing ahead, skyward. She grunts when she feels herself slipping, but Liara's words keep her in place. The pressure to not fall increases all the same with the thinning atmosphere the higher she goes. "Liara—just…" Her words are labored, filled with frustration; "Get the damn door open! NOW! Don't—worry—about me! I'm too—**fucking**—pissed right now to let myself fall! So…_move it!"_

Not far above her head, soldiers surrounded by a biotic field are sent flying through the window Miranda mentioned. Shepard shuts her eyes and lowers her head to guard herself from the debris as she tenses to keep her footing, missing her N7 helmet terribly right now. The only thing her visor is good for is shooting—no protection whatsoever. More soldiers go flying soon after—one of them simply falls out, nearly colliding with Shepard on his way down along the shower of glass.

"SAMARA!" Shepard yells; she's nearly hoarse; "Send those bastards out a _different _window, would you? One of them almost took me down with him!"

"_My apologies, Commander," _Samara replies, even as ever in the middle of gunfire and pained cries.

"_There!" _Liara says, _"It's open! Once we're all inside I can lock us in again. That should buy us some time. I'll have to check any consoles we come across to make sure none of the staff try and override what I've done."_

"_Some of the asari here managed to escape in the process," _Miranda adds, _"but I've not been able to get access to the live feeds in the main lab. We know Morinth is here—wait, Liara! What the hell are you doing?"_

Liara sounds as though she's moving through Samara's battle: _"I won't stand by while Shepard's in trouble! I'm going to help her! The sharpshooters won't be able to fire at me if they're focusing on her." _Shepard can't order her down—Liara's right—and she'd rather be on solid ground instead of barking at Liara to stay away. "Shepard!" Liara is just meters above her, holding out her hand; "I'll pull you up! I've never done this before but—"

"No biotics!" Shepard shouts, well-aware of her body shaking from exhaustion as she keeps climbing; "No! If you haven't done it before—" One of the sharpshooters nearly gets her trigger hand; another almost puts a bullet in Liara's arm. "Fuck, fine! Pull me up! Just do it quick!"

"Right!" Shepard shouts in pain as a force collides with her, threatening to throw her from the tower. "Damn it! Shepard, I'm so sorry! Goddess, that wasn't right—how stupid of me—!"

Gunships are closing in from the far distance—Shepard doesn't even have to turn her head to make sure; "What the FUCK, Liara? I said _pull, _not throw! Are you trying to _KILL_ me?" This time, Shepard doesn't resist when she feels herself being pulled from the tower. She ascends in an uncontrolled roll, feeling a strong vertigo. Upside-down and right-side up she sees the entirety of the cavalry in the light of dusk, brought in to protect the Alliance's big secret. She vows to make it out of this alive to give Hackett more than an earful about this bullshit. "…thanks," she says, sour, as she glides through the broken window. Liara is on the edge of tears as she falls to her knees—Shepard takes a moment to sit, noting that Samara has cleared the room of security. The place looks like a factory with the many machines, tubes and pipes everywhere, with such plain brown walls and flooring—not at all fitting with the aesthetic fountains and fauna outside. "Liara…there's glass everywhere. Your armor's…not like mine…you'll cut yourself…"

"Shepard?" Samara asks, approaching them; "Are you able to continue on? We must leave this room—Liara's countermeasures will only give us so much time."

"Yeah—I'm good." Shepard struggles to stand—she knows they have to move on. She holds her hand out to Liara. "There are gunships on the way…we have to get moving." Liara accepts her help just as Miranda begins ushering them to the next room. Shepard can't fault Liara for clutching onto her like this. "Hey," she murmurs, "forget about what I said just there. You know I didn't mean it."

Liara appears not to have heard her as the door closes behind them. She lets go of Shepard, walking in a daze to the console by several desks and terminals. "I'll lock the door," she says, her expression unreadable. Shepard doesn't know what to say or do in response. "I managed to stop their attempt to cut the power. I'll…do my best to keep the rest of security at bay. We shouldn't find any more resistance from here on out—the scientists have all fled. If Morinth is still here, she might be a problem. Miranda…could you please update Shepard on our findings while I do this?"

"Of course…" Miranda complies, pausing for a second to scowl. Samara begins patrolling the room. "Reinforcements are also here, so we have some room to breathe. Shepard…you'll want to sit down for this." Shepard takes a seat at one of the desks, steeling herself. Miranda sits next to her. Liara doesn't miss the opportunity to glance at them. "This facility used to belong to Cerberus' Sanctuary Cell for years, where they researched biotic capabilities in humans…until the Alliance drove most the scientists out under the guise of shutting the place down. Someone must have seen the value in the experiments performed here, and got their hands on data left behind about preliminary cross-species testing with the asari. They were looking into ways to help human women who are unable to give birth, usually after an accident of some sort…"

Miranda says that with clear intentions—she knows Shepard falls into that group of human women. Liara stops typing for a few seconds. Shepard never divulged that information to her—it hardly seemed relevant. "The implant Cerberus developed," Miranda continues, "contains a rather questionable method for helping these human women. Data from the cross-species testing showed a breakthrough in applying parts of the asari reproduction process to humans. The ability to at least join with any other species was a key component of their research—reproduction following a successful joining was next on the list. But they only managed to develop one implant before the Alliance disrupted their experiments. It was never given a name—never tested properly."

Shepard can fill in the blanks: "So instead of shutting the place down, the Alliance continued the research with a private sector…even though the Illusive Man said Sanctuary belongs to Cerberus."

"Correct. This is a rare case of both parties working together towards a common goal," Miranda says. "A lot of the research has even been forwarded to the Ascension Project. They wanted to replicate the implant, at first. But their methods are barbaric. I can't give any exact details because the reports have all been so vague. We'll discover more as we continue on. And…Shepard…" She gives pause, bracing herself; "you have that implant." Shepard only stares at Miranda in cold silence. She needs more information before she can criticize or say anything. Having a child has always been so trivial to her—as of now, this news has little effect. "I intended to explain this to you after I could tell you trusted me with the topic of your sexual history. That's not the kind of conversation I expect you to enter lightly."

Shepard's coldness dissolves into disbelief. "Really, Miranda? You wanted to wait? And what if I _did _have sex with someone between then and now and discovered I could join my consciousness to theirs? Then what?"

"…then I would have endured whatever choice of words you had to give me."

_Or you were hoping I'd have sex with you and found out that way. You can't have kids. Wishful thinking._

Liara can't stay quiet anymore: "That isn't right! Miranda, you promised me your goal for the Lazarus Project was to keep Shepard _exactly_ the same as she was before the Collector attack. As harsh as it sounds, if Shepard was unable to conceive before then she should still be unable to now! You never said _she _was the recipient of this immoral implant!"

"And would that have changed your mind about the immorality of it if I had?" Miranda asks, full-on the defensive; "In fact, I remember you called the implant _extraordinary _before you learned this information. We can discuss your double-standard all you want on the way to the main lab—we have to move. Only _you_ would be angry over your girlfriend being the living representation of scientific miracles."

Liara ignores Miranda's last sentence. "This way," she says, heading toward the door closest to Samara. Everyone follows after her, though Shepard scowls in Liara's wake over her and Miranda's behavior. Shepard resigns herself to letting them be as long as the mission moves forward. At least they aren't being fake with each other—_that_ would be unacceptable for Shepard. "It's a straightforward path through these offices to the main lab. Maybe we can find some audio logs that will…"

She stops at the distant sound of a piercing, high-pitched shriek. Shepard bumps into her, holding Liara's waist when another screech sounds. "Come on, Liara," she says, easing her forward; "We'll figure out what it is soon enough. And this time, we won't get separated. Stay with me."

"Here," Samara says, accessing a nearby terminal, "a recent audio log. It is dated the day after our return from the Collector Base."

A female scientist's voice plays over the speakers: _"The Proto-Human Reaper has been recovered and transported to our mother facility sooner than we expected. We've yet to find a suitable subject with the willpower needed to be sent to Gamayun Station. The adrenalin is more likely to have the observed reverse effect with the more "diverse" group—the purebloods sustain normalcy for longer periods of time. Archer thinks it has something to do with their will to live. That's a variable we can't control."_

Miranda is the only one among them who looks shocked; Samara is busy looking for more logs; neither Liara nor Shepard know how to react to what they heard. There is a loud banging against the door to the main lab—from their end, it's unlocked.

Shepard stares at the door, tightening her hold over Liara's waist. She notices the darkened blood spattered over the surface—and the putrid smell. "Play another one," she says.

"This one may be more useful," Samara comments before the same voice is heard—and the pounding against the door is louder now; _louder._

"_We can't keep this one here. Her tests point to Aria T'Loak as her mother—Aria of Omega! It's only a matter of time before she pulls enough strings to find her daughter, and us. Some of the rejected subjects have already escaped. I'm sending her to Gamayun. They'll know what to do with her there. We didn't have the opportunity to inject her with any adrenalin, but I fear we'll need to find an alternative soon."_

A third one, at Liara's request; this time, a frantic male's voice plays with that same screeching in the background: _"Whose idea was it to alter our hypothesis? I've found the data but I can't put a name to match it! Someone's found a way to _remove and alter_ the genetic make-up of the asari subjects! Removing their genes, changing their very DNA! This could start an all-out war between humanity and the asari if word gets out! The report claims that these solitary genes, inserted into the Proto-Human Reaper, will speed the reproduction process between it and the future chosen subject. It's already been forwarded to Gamayun… This is not what we meant to do…it all seemed harmless. But now…with the Reaper nanides we've implanted into the Ardat-Yakshi—"_

There is a stringent silence coming from the other side of the door. Shepard readies her Widow, approaching with caution. She signals with her fist for her team to stand by. The closer she gets, the more the stench overpowers her. It reminds her of a freshly-cracked skull. One last log of another female scientist echoes throughout the room as she keeps moving forward.

"_I don't even remember why we're here anymore…this has gotten so out of hand. This isn't right. Archer can't keep asking us to do the same thing to these asari and expect different results! I didn't even know most of them were kidnapped from hospitals on Thessia. When we started this project, the goal was to find a way to replicate the implant created years ago, and later move on to add the final asari reproductive capabilities in human test subjects. Commander Shepard is the only one with the existing implant, but we don't expect to see any results from her any time soon. This is practically genocide—I see it as genecide: suicide of the genes. Because that's exactly what's happening with these asari…and it's turning into something visible, something physical… The mental degradation is irreversible! It's…it's getting everywhere! Oh, God, their heads!"_

Shepard is paces away when the door is forced partially open—she jumps back when an asari forces her body through the space. The asari screams in agony as her exposed brain melts and drips to the ground. Shepard shoots her in the center of the eyes on impulse, watching the asari collapse at her feet. A revolting mixture of blood and brain gather into a puddle there, gripping Shepard at her core. That asari almost looked like Liara.

When Shepard opens the door all the way, she sees the entirety of the spacious lab filled with sheer numbers of asari who shared the same fate as the one just behind her. The scientists all fled to avoid prosecution and abandoned their test subjects. The dead and dying asari litter the ground, having fallen from open pods along the walls. Refuse surrounds their degrading bodies. All of the dead asari mouths are open from having screamed as the dying ones are now. They reek of abandonment, abuse.

And Shepard is frozen there, because she can't stop imagining Liara's face on every single one of them.

At the louder sound of the same screech from earlier, Samara walks ahead to the center of the lab. Miranda follows her, pistol at the ready as she searches the room. Shepard knows Liara is right behind her, on her knees, fighting back her emotions as she observes that asari. The loudening wail prompts Samara to shout her daughter's name. Shepard sees a warp field in the distance; the field surrounds a giant, emaciated humanoid figure with the head of an asari. She lumbers forward; twisted, corrupt. All Shepard can do is aim her trembling sniper rifle in the banshee's general direction—she can't even keep her aim because of the poltergeist's ability to teleport as it moves. A _banshee_ is the only fitting description for such an abomination—the wailing, the pain, the trauma. She hurls a ball of energy at Samara and Miranda just as the dying asari all rise, growing, corrupting: becoming similar figures.

Liara charges forward to help Miranda and Samara defeat the legion of banshees. Shepard can only stay rooted to the spot. Her Widow is an ice block in her hands—melting, almost, from the inactivity. She can't think to fire a shot. Her hand will not comply. Through the mirage of her blinding tears, she sees Liara's face there—everywhere. She imagines Liara holding her trigger hand in that park as a child—holding it in her giant, withered one before crushing Shepard with her devastating biotics. Holding Liara as she is—being sent flying away from her after a massive shockwave. Kissing Liara—having the life sucked out of her through rotten teeth and tongue and breath. Gazing into Liara's eyes—seeing all the pain Shepard ever caused her in these hollow ones glaring back at her with a sardonic smile. As if Shepard truly turned Liara into this creature a hundred times over in her denial, in her mistreatment, in breaking her heart so badly. Sensitive, sweet Liara…she doesn't deserve to be in love with someone so very capable of harming her, of turning her into something so wicked, so uncontrollable in her despair: a widow, a Widow with biotics instead of thermal clips; a heart-broken, bitter victim of indecision and fear.

Shepard hears someone calling her name; she cannot react. Banshees close in on where she stands so petrified, so weak and helpless. She is a child with a loaded gun in her hands; a tyrant facing the consequences of her actions after being left with nothing except fear; a leader with no one to lead except the immovable cowardice overflowing in her mind, body and heart;

She is picked up by a banshee—_Liara—_no, Shepard doesn't know—and that hand with its elongated claws for fingers fits all the way around her torso. Shepard has no control over her elevation this time, no way to climb or fall; no escape; she's being surrounded by tens of them. That chain-link fence smile is burned into her brain before _Liara _lets out another wail, mouth wide open;

_Shepard…is this the hand you use to pull the trigger? You could have your balance back if you only fired your weapon._

Her Widow is useless.

Those claws from the banshee's other hand gut her; Shepard's body curls as she slides down that emaciated spear for an arm. The last thing she sees is Liara's limp body being dragged away by another one of those wicked asari.


	6. Litany: the Unforeseen

**Note. **Please open yourselves to a different interpretation of Thane's prayer from the third game. Thank you for all the reads, fave/alert adds, and various messages about my work. I'm not going to spend too much time with Shepard searching for Liara; that's just mean and unnecessary. Credit to Shakespeare: Sonnet CXIII.

—

_**VI. **__Litany: the Unforeseen_

_Kalihira, this one's heart is pure,  
But beset by wickedness and hate.  
Guide this one to where the traveler never tires,  
The lover never leaves,  
The hungry never starve._

_Guide this one, Kalihira,  
And she will be a companion to you as she was to me._

—

The unfamiliarity of a gloomy morning surrounds Shepard when she wakes. Beyond the window at her side is a vastness of architecture she has only read about in the past, covered in snow. The draft against her face contrasts with the warmth of the sheets around her. Her torso and the left side of her face feel constricted—from bandages, maybe, she doesn't know. There are medical supplies and equipment all around her. When she breathes in deep, when she moves around in her bed, she hears another form of movement on her other side.

Shepard recognizes the smell of cigarette smoke, and flowers—not coming from the same source. She turns her head, frowning at the confused image there: Shepard isn't sure if her uncovered eye is lying to her or not. There is a tired man before her, sitting on a chair next to her bed; his elbows are on his knees and his face buried in his clasped hands. Graying, russet hair; an expensive suit; the source of the smell of smoke…

The Illusive Man hears her stirring, and regards her. "Shepard," he says. She stares back at him in empty horror. "You're finally awake." Shepard adjusts her gaze when she takes note of how his eyes have changed. They no longer glow the way they used to. A byproduct of finally seeing him in person, perhaps. "I understand if you're surprised to see me. But from the way the galaxy's been obsessing over your near-death scare, I knew we wouldn't have a chance to speak unless I took the initiative…" Shepard frowns again, watching him shift in his seat as if to dust off his weariness. "A lot has changed since your mission to Sanctuary. Do you remember anything?"

Shepard doesn't have the energy to question him, or his motives. The weight of a long slumber presses down over her. Her limbs ache, threatening to crack from the pain of nightmares so severe. "The Alliance…or Cerberus, both, I don't know…they were doing something to the asari. Experiments. And fucking them up in the process. Their brains…those banshees…one of them picked me up, and…"

"Hmm." The Illusive Man moves to a pensive position, watching Shepard carefully. "I'm sure it was Miranda who told you about both the Alliance and Cerberus working together. I need you to disregard what she said. I've already spoken to her about this in private. Samara assured me she would follow your lead with things." He's missing someone. He wouldn't leave Liara out of this. Doesn't he know? "This is a hospital on Thessia. Asari High Command is placing charges against the Alliance for their indiscretions on Horizon. You'll be asked to testify against the defense. All things considered, you're the best candidate for a sweeping testimony."

She has to ask: "Where…is Liara? She was with me… I watched her fighting those corrupted asari…"

"Alliance soldiers allowed her to be taken away, to prevent her from testifying against them. You and the rest of your squad were declared dead and left to rot. Cerberus reinforcements managed to get the three of you out in time. Sanctuary has since been burned to the ground, to get rid of evidence."

_So many dreams of watching Liara being taken from me…and those screams…_

"Where is she?" Shepard repeats, feeling and hearing her blood pressure rise in time with the Illusive Man's increasing silence. "Goddamnit…" She writhes; once dormant muscles burn with a need to take _action_ as she shouts: _"__**WHERE**__ IS SHE?"_ He doesn't flinch; he has no answer. Shepard bolts out from her bed; plants her bare feet on the cold floor in front of him. The Illusive Man's eyes widen in dread when Shepard grabs him by the collar and slams him against the wall. This is not the time to be shy: Shepard is well-aware she isn't wearing anything except the bandages, and her burning heart on her proverbial sleeve. "I'm not doing ANYTHING you say until you tell me _**exactly **_where she is! I don't give a damn if it was the Alliance, Cerberus, or if you pulled this shit personally!"

She doesn't give a fuck that her nails are digging into his aging flesh, that his breath is sharp and strong against her nose and mouth. This proximity is killing him, it is; she knows from how hard he's gripping her wrists. Shepard has never worked her face into a snarl so fierce before… "Shepard, wait," the Illusive Man chokes, "I need you…to settle down before I can discuss…anything further—"

"_Settle down?" _she echoes, twisting her fists harder against him, her ache and lassitude long forgotten; "You send me into yet _another _trap, the love of my life gets taken from me and you want to cover it up… And you want me to _settle down? _You're either delusional, or you really haven't learned a damn thing about me after all this time!"

The Illusive Man has given up trying to wrench her wrists off of him. He stares back at her with an unsettling air of understanding. It's even worse when he confirms it: "I've stood exactly how you are now…for similar reasons…so many years ago. Had you not reacted this way, I would have left this room without telling you the truth: that I don't know." His sincerity chills her. It doesn't lighten her hold on him. That's not the answer she wanted to hear. "I thought I was strong enough—_capable_ enough—to prevent this from happening. I've been deceived…and now we're both paying for it."

They're interrupted by a familiar face and an asari nurse suddenly entering the room. It's Ashley, looking much different than Shepard remembers: her hair is down, for one… "Shepard! We heard screaming…are you… O-Oh, God…"

Shepard understands how this must appear—she is still without clothing, pinning the Illusive Man to the wall in a rage. She is quick to let go of him, and remove the blanket from her bed to wrap it around herself. Ashley shares a quiet word with the nurse while the Illusive Man adjusts his suit, regarding Shepard: unreadable. He comments on speaking with her again in private once she's released, and takes his leave amidst a heated glare from Ashley. Shepard also notices a darker-skinned man in the doorway—oddly muscular, obviously a soldier. His face is flushed, and he won't look at her.

The nurse and the man both leave; Shepard sits down on the bed, not at all surprised when Ashley approaches her with such urgency. "What the _hell _was that all about, Shepard?" she demands, pointing at the door behind her as if gesturing to the Illusive Man. "How could you let yourself get so close to that man? You were _naked_ for God's sake! What if this gets out? What will people think of you? Did he try to take advantage of you in your sleep? Is that why you got so pissed off? Because if it is—"

"Ash, seriously," Shepard drones, shaking her head in dismay, "are you finished? No, he didn't try to do anything to me but I _was _pissed off at him. Probably still am, I don't know…" Shepard narrows her eyes, staring at the floor; slouching her body. She remembers now: Liara's body being dragged against the floor amid so many dead asari, taken away by those…_things. _

Ashley softens her demeanor, sitting down where the Illusive Man was just moments ago. "Shepard… I…don't know how to say this." She looks to the abundance of flowers on the tables at either side of the bed before lowering her head. "That whole incident, back at Sanctuary? I had no idea it was you we were chasing. I was given strict orders not to follow you guys into the main lab…else I could've gotten you out of there in time. Samara killed a lot of my men…and now she's a hero for it. The Alliance is the new Cerberus now…" Ashley gives a sardonic laugh, though her masked agony is clear. "I swear I didn't know _anything_ about what they were doing to those asari. It's sick…it _disgusts_ me… I was wrong not to believe you about Cerberus." Shepard never thought she'd see the day when Ashley would change her mind about her allegiance… _"I'm sorry,"_ she whispers, so pained.

"_Hmm." The Illusive Man moves to a pensive position, watching Shepard carefully._ _"I'm sure it was Miranda who told you about both the Alliance and Cerberus working together. I need you to disregard what she said."_

_Ashley doesn't know. No one else knows…_

"I'll do anything I can to redeem myself, Commander," Ashley says in earnest; "I'm under investigation for two big incidents now, but I've still got people out there searching for Liara." Her words ring hollow in Shepard's ears—her ignorance, how oblivious she is. Still, it sates Shepard to know Liara is out there…somewhere. "I know…you have to testify against me, against the Alliance… Honesty is the best policy, skipper. Whatever happens…at least we'll have our friendship…or what's left of it now."

Shepard needs to stop her, before Ashley can humiliate herself any further: "Hey, Ash… Let's…not talk about that right now." Ashley nods her acquiescence; Shepard also notices how tired she looks. "What's this about you being under investigation? The other incident, I mean."

"Oh…yeah…" Ashley stands, and crosses the room to stare out the window. "Never thought I'd be in this position, you know? It's New Year's back on Earth…and when this trial is over, I'll be back there in a detention center. As long as the Council and Asari High Command don't try and shut us down…" She sighs, pressing her hand against the glass, staring down at the frozen lakes over Thessia's surface. "That mission Hackett asked you to go on…and you turned him down…"

"It was you…" Shepard says; "You got the job done."

Ashley rests her head against the cool surface. "Yeah, I guess you can say that. I infiltrated the prison and got Dr. Kenson out of there no problem…only it ended in _me _being the one who sent all those batarians to their deaths. I _had_ to destroy the relay, to stop the Reapers from coming before we were ready. The scientists on that station—they tried to tell me, they tried to warn me as best they could they were all indoctrinated. No one in their right minds would keep a _Reaper _artifact in their lab for study like that! You know what the worst part is?"

"What is?" Shepard asks, listening to Ashley pacing her way back to her.

"They promoted me for it." The wear-and-tear in Ashley's tone is all too obvious; Shepard winces as it sinks in. "Lieutenant-Commander… I broke the old Williams' curse!" she says, her voice breaking from emotion. "Thought I'd never make it past Gunnery Chief. Now look at me…" Ashley sighs again with a hand over her forehead. "Sorry, skipper. We haven't had a proper talk in years, and here I am, going on about myself. How are you feeling? You were pretty beat up when they first brought you in…I was so worried you wouldn't make it." A lingering pause, hesitation… "And, Liara…"

Shepard stares at her tight-knit hands. She wants to answer, but her mouth is so dry. She lies back down, frowning as she feels that ache return. The pain in her limbs is negligible—it's the heartache that's making her want to _cry_ in front of _Ashley_. Gravity feels as though it's tenfold compared to what she's used to, pressing against her chest. Pretending that gravity is Liara: it helps, it doesn't help.

"Ashley…" Shepard shuts her eyes to keep the moisture locked in. "I don't… I can't trust myself to—" She grips at her sheets—she's saying too much, _too much_. "Liara's gone…it's my fault… I was…too scared to do anything. I…_let_ _this_ _happen!"_

Shepard's blood boils in her head, muffling her hearing, but Ashley's increasing closeness is clear to her. She trembles to keep her emotions in check; her efforts dwindle when she feels a supportive hand over her tense one. "Shepard…I know what I saw back when we were all a team against Saren. The way you treated her, the way you looked at her when she couldn't see. I didn't ask you about it…you always kept a tight lid on your emotions. But right now…I wish you'd stop doing that. It's okay to be upset."

Shepard shuts her eyes even tighter, hoping the reverse-psychology will work. Time passes, her emotions continue to flow through her as tempestuous waves, and Ashley does not leave. She recites a sonnet by a well-known poet that _almost _breaks Shepard down. It hardens her resolve instead.

_Since I left you, mine eye is in my mind;  
And that which governs me to go about  
Doth part his function and is partly blind,  
Seems seeing, but effectually is out;  
For it no form delivers to the heart  
Of bird, of flower, or shape which it doth latch:  
Of his quick objects hath the mind no part,  
Nor his own vision holds what it doth catch;  
For if it see the rud'st or gentlest sight,  
The most sweet favor or deformed'st creature,  
The mountain or the sea, the day or night,  
The crow, or dove, it shapes them to your feature.  
Incapable of more, replete with you,  
My most true mind thus maketh mine eye untrue._

—

Even if she knew where to begin her search, Shepard is not allowed to leave Thessia until the trial is over later in the afternoon. She sits on a bench in an empty park near the courthouse, wearing civilian clothes to keep her warm in this snowfall. That sonnet Ashley recited is still fresh in her mind. She sees Liara as the dead trees surrounding her, the snow on the ground all around her; even in the absence of other people in the vicinity. In substance and emptiness both she sees Liara there, smiling. Smiling, assuring her that she's alright, that she knows Shepard is doing her best; that she will wait for her, wherever she is. It's so cold out that Shepard can't help but see blue everywhere. The color of Liara's eyes is so clear in her memory, but she can't map the hue anywhere in her surroundings. That crystalline is too unique, too lovely to be replicated.

She knows little of Liara's childhood, and yet she has such clear visions of Liara in a park like this as a child during a summer afternoon. Liara is digging with her bare hands. Other asari nearby stare in confusion. Other children come to join her excavation. Matriarch Benezia is lecturing her for ruining public property in such a way; the next day, Benezia presents Liara with a history book on the First Contacts of each of the galactic races. Liara reads it with a ravenous appetite for every word on the page, every picture. She has finished reading in a few hours and asks for another book, pointing to a picture of the architecture of Sur'Kesh, saying she would like a book that focused on said architecture's origins. Benezia takes her to a bookstore the following day; she speaks highly of Liara to the asari she knows there, telling them of her daughter's advanced intellectual curiosities.

That vision might be based in fact. There is another version Shepard is unclear about: Liara is in the same park on the same day, only this time she isn't digging. Liara acknowledges Shepard's presence, and takes her by the hand, guiding her through the park. But her speech and mannerisms are so adult-like, as if Liara at her current age has been put back in this underdeveloped body. As if she has undergone a level of physical degradation so severe it has stunted and shrunken her. The _things_ she says to Shepard…they're not right. They make no sense. _Why _would a younger Liara ask for such things? How does she even know what she's talking about? Shepard does her best to dismiss these thoughts, to not entertain this precocious adult-child-Liara.

Shepard looks to the sky, seeing her fortitude mirrored as the clouds above. There is overcast now, but once it's no longer snowing…the vulnerability of a clear sky will show. She is blind enough to see Liara's face there in the cloud formation. She's crying snow instead of tears because of their separation; Shepard's throat is raw over the sentiment. Suddenly, she feels like she's wasting time. She should be out there, looking, searching, even wandering until she stumbles on even the smallest clue to lead her to Liara. Ashley's voice has never been stuck in her head like this, either.

Shepard narrows her eyes in disbelief as she hears footsteps approaching her.

The Illusive Man sits next to her, wearing an overcoat. This is the first time she's seen him since being released from the hospital. "I still can't believe I agreed to meet you here," she says, shaking her head. "Hell, I can't believe I'm seeing you out in the open like this. You almost look like a normal person." Shepard waves a hand in dismissal. "But enough about that. You said you'd tell me about this deception that went on. What's it got to do with me and Liara? I thought you had everything under control."

"I know how this must seem," the Illusive Man says. "I've been so instrumental with you, though now I see I shouldn't have done that. When I sent you to Sanctuary, I assumed you wouldn't come back alive, though I knew your mission there would be the first step toward exposing the Alliance. I wanted to weaken their authority, their influence, and set my own plans in motion for humanity…but your unexpected survival has made me re-think things."

Shepard makes a bored face, rolling her eyes. "Well, this wouldn't be the first time I came back alive from an impossible situation. Only _this time, _I'm sorely missing something… You'd better have a damn good explanation."

The Illusive Man gives her a sidelong glance. "I'm surprised you're not as upset as you were earlier. I understand Dr. T'Soni means a great deal to you."

"I won't let you see me like that again," Shepard vows; "Or anyone else, for that matter. My emotions are _my_ business. I'm not discussing Liara with anyone unless it's to help me find out where she is."

"That is…_comforting_ to hear," he replies. Shepard is still having a hard time believing this conversation is really happening—it shows in her face, her mystified expression. "Regardless of the credibility of my motives and situation, it's important for you to remember that I'm human. I make mistakes. A highly-skilled assassin I hired has grown jealous of your significance in my affairs, and has used my own methods against me. Projects that I was close to terminating have been given astronomical amounts of funding, to spite me. Valuable resources have been moved out of my reach. My top scientists have all turned against me—I had to disable one of them, personally. She has since been repurposed to suit your needs, but that's not the focus of this meeting." _Repurposed…?_ "I underestimated the repercussions the Sanctuary exposure would have on the galaxy, case in point. This assassin is taking advantage of my miscalculation."

"Does this assassin have a name?" Shepard asks.

The Illusive Man has not shifted or moved in any way since he sat down. Shepard wonders if he's even breathing. "Kai Leng," he responds, as cold as the wind blowing around them. "I'll send his dossier to your private terminal. That is, assuming you wish to accept the proposal I have for you."

Shepard is wary as she regards the Illusive Man. Just a few days ago she wanted to maim him; now, she's sitting with him, talking with him on this level. "I'm listening," she says, holding back the myriad of questions she has for him, especially in regards to Liara's possible whereabouts.

"I'm here to offer you the chance to be one of my most trusted operatives. Dr. T'Soni's disappearance can be tracked with the resources that Cerberus…has left to give you. And when you find her—if my suspicions are correct—you'll need my help. In return, our business relationship will continue as it is now. You'll be free to affirm or deny your employment with Cerberus, should you accept."

"Your suspicions?" Shepard repeats, unsettled by his continued refusal to move a muscle; "What suspicions?" As she guessed, the Illusive Man is not willing to give her any information unless she accepts his offer. "…you're certain these resources we're talking about will help me? Not send me into yet another trap?"

"I understand your concerns," replies the Illusive Man; "I've taken the necessary precautions to ensure Leng only has access to what he has taken. If you're uncertain about the legitimacy of the information you're given, then I suggest going over it with Miranda."

Shepard resists the urge to mock him with sarcasm. She doesn't have any other options. The Shadow Broker's network comes to mind, but, whether Liara wants to admit it or not, it belongs to her. Shepard has no right to invade…even if it is to find her. The Council has never been of any help to her. The Alliance is being prosecuted against as they speak. Aria only has so much information. She has no idea who Ashley's sent on this search party. Miranda is part of Cerberus already…

She doesn't have the luxury of being picky. Time is wasting, and, for the second time, Cerberus is the only one willing to take action _now._

This is for Liara. Shepard isn't thinking about the consequences right now. She'll deal with any and all of them _after _she has Liara safe in her arms again.


	7. Tela Vasir

_**VII. **__Tela Vasir_

"_Armali, back on Thessia. My mother and I lived beside a park. I spent hours there…"_

In the still-dark hours of the morning, Shepard sees that park outside the moonlit window in front of her. She sits in this empty estate, cloaked, waiting. Yet she is not fixated on the window, or the snow beyond it. She stares at what her omni-tool has picked up on the glass: one handprint. Liara's.

Shepard folds her arms, grips her shoulders. She rests her face against one hand. The marble flooring she sits on is in her periphery, dropping the temperature around her by the second. The handprint, so small, materializes itself in her mind as made-up touch. As if Liara is behind her, touching Shepard's shoulder, making her arch. Shepard thinks she is arching her back to accommodate the swell of Liara's chest against her.

"_What's this?"_ Liara's voice echoes in Shepard's mind, distending down to keep her warm. _"That's a datapad in your lap, if I'm not mistaken. You may be invisible, but you know you can't hide anything from me." _The datapad shifts in Shepard's lap, though she thinks it's because Liara has picked it up. _"A bit of midnight reading, Shepard? I'm surprised you're still on Thessia now that the trial is over. It isn't like you to stay idle… Then again, maybe this explains your behavior. This is…unsettling, to say the least." _

Liara's words repeat in her mind, unstable. They reverberate, stabilize and destabilize, until Shepard settles on the reality of this misguidance. This isn't real. She knows this, she hates this—some part of her accepts this. Shepard grips her shoulders tighter, shutting her eyes to see the afterimage of Liara's handprint splayed along her closed vision.

"_It looks like your testimony was the driving force behind High Command's decision to derail the Alliance… Ashley was right: they're the new Cerberus. I wonder how the Illusive Man feels about the verdict? I imagine he'll have several new recruits on his hands soon enough." _The more Shepard _listens _to Liara, the less she turns her head to listen to her surroundings. Her eyes close to rest, not to stay hidden. She feels Liara's breath against her neck; Liara's voice filling her, steady:_ "What's this? The asari matriarchs are convinced that I'm dead? That can't be right!" _The indistinctness of imagination is what helps Shepard feel Liara in her arms without a hint of movement. Liara is still behind her, and all around her, whispering as one: _"You know I'm alive! I'd have stormed out exactly as you did if they tried to tell me the same about you. No evidence… They're as bad as the Council."_

Liara keeps speaking, taking information from Shepard's memories, as if she never left. Shepard relaxes; believes. _"I never would have imagined you'd decide to stay with Cerberus because of me. What happened on Horizon feels like it's only the beginning. I can't say I know for certain what will happen in the future. What matters is that we have each other…in whatever capacity we're allowed, for the moment." _Shepard isn't sure if she hears footsteps in the distance. Liara's _presence_ deepens, intertwining with Shepard's senses. _"I hear them as well. Something tells me we should stay hidden. My old house isn't safe, Shepard. News about my involvement in the Shadow Broker's death is bound to have spread by now. Promise me you'll leave this place soon…"_

Heels sound on marble, approaching. Shepard doesn't shift; she masks her breathing to blend with the draft—she is unarmed. She hears a female voice speaking, the faint response from a radio. Shepard sets her omni-tool to begin recording all incoming audio.

"No, Shepard _has_ to be here," she says. "I looked in the records—she recently received clearance from High Command to come here. Alone." She stops, just paces behind Shepard. "Impossible. She and T'Soni are _together_—she has to know something about—"

Shepard turns her head, just enough to glance at her visitor. An asari, wearing a midnight blue suit, glaring at the datapad in one hand and pressing against the radio in her ear with the other. Shepard takes note of the markings on her face before turning back around.

"_Funny," _Liara whispers, _"wouldn't she think you'd hear her? She's not a very good stalker, is she?"_

Shepard's visitor throws her datapad to the floor. "I'm _not _leaving until I find her! I don't care if you've searched the entire perimeter." She begins pacing, back and forth; looming. "Look again. She's here, I know she is—"

"Yes, she is," says another—male—voice. Shepard hears the hiss of a sword being spun. The asari stops her pacing. "It seems you and I are dealing with similar issues. We both want the same thing. I like that—to a point."

"Who the hell are you?" asks the asari, aiming her pistol at the intruder.

The man also begins pacing. Shepard turns her head, but can't see him from where she's sitting. This situation is too valuable to compromise by exposing herself. Not yet. "Someone who can turn your whole investigation around with a little information. But something tells me you think you're too good for that. A Spectre always knows best, and I respect that."

"Bullshit," she scoffs. "I don't know you—you don't know me, or what I want. Let's leave it at that. Now get out of here before I—"

"Before you _what, _Spectre?" the man counters. "You're alone here. None of your other operatives can save you. I took care of that—personally." The asari readies her biotics; the man expresses his disapproval: "Now, now. No need to get upset. It's a shame you won't let me help. Armali police are bound to find your dead friends around the estate soon enough. You wouldn't want this to get back to the Council, now would you? Whatever would they think of you working with the Shadow Broker's operatives? Or, the Council might accuse you of killing innocents if that's what I want them to see. How will you explain that away?"

"_Shepard," _Liara speaks while the intruders continue their back-and-forth; _"I've been thinking…maybe you should try to get hold of that datapad she dropped? She seems to have an interest in my disappearance. If she's a Spectre, and she's one of the old Shadow Broker's operatives…"_

"We need each other," the man says; Shepard turns, gets on all fours, and starts to crawl her way to the datapad. She can't see him blended in the shadows. "I want Shepard alive. You want to know where she's headed. You can avenge the death of your boss."

The asari charges her biotics further, leering at him. "This isn't about my _boss. _This isn't even about Shepard! Until a few days ago, I _respected _humanity—now, any human gets in my way, they die. Shepard is the only human I'll tolerate because she's _useful _to me. You?" She chuckles, shaking her head. "Not so much."

The datapad is within arm's reach—and so is the asari. Shepard reaches for it, so slow in case one of them hears her limbs creaking. "What a shame," the man laments. "And here I thought we were going to be friends."

Shepard is lifted into the air as the asari creates a mass-lowering field before charging forward. She grabs the datapad while she can, praying no one heard her fall back down to the floor. The man and the asari are both distracted enough for Shepard to leave Matriarch Benezia's estate and head back to her ship—she has what she needs from here.

—

_V,_

_I'm sick of you harassing me. I give. Meet me in Chora's Den. Tonight. No guards, no spies, no funny business. Just you. I kicked my habit so maybe you won't recognize me. I'll tell you everything I know, I swear. As fucked up as it sounds, you're the only one I can talk to about this. I see that now. I got an idea of how this'll go down. I already know what you're gonna say. But fine. We'll talk._

—_G._

Shepard has read this note over and over, pacing back and forth in her quarters aboard the Normandy, en route to the Citadel. She replaces the datapad for her half-empty glass of wine, glaring at her empty aquarium. Cowardice is not a trait she thought she'd display at a time like this: staying hidden for that long, sneaking around in fear of discovery. Sentimentality brought her to Liara's childhood home to begin with. And now, thanks to her weakness, she has a new lead.

Her head is much lighter; it takes some time before she registers the knocking at her door. She sets her glass down on the table before answering it. Shepard winces, staring at the _person _there. She puts a hand over her face, looking at her visitor through the gaps of her fingers.

"What is this?" she asks, shaking her head at the mech. "Did Cerberus hire you to replace the yeoman? So much for being pro-humanity…"

"No," the mech replies before smiling. Shepard's light-headedness is gone. "Joker suggested I should visit you. He postulated that the probability of you emerging from your cabin for a long enough period to see me was slim at best. The crew all understands your wish to be alone. I volunteered to—"

Shepard cuts her off, "Wait a minute, wait a minute…" She waves her hands in front of her. "Hold on. You're…EDI. But…" She looks to the space next to her where EDI's holographic avatar appears when called upon. "How are you…in this body? Aren't you supposed to be in the ship?"

"My apologies, Shepard," EDI says. Shepard stares back at her, noticing how genuine her expressions are, how fluid her body language is… "I did not prioritize the possibility of your confusion upon seeing me in this body. It is likely that the alcohol you have consumed has also limited your reactions. There is also noticeable distress in your biometrics over Liara's disappearance. I will re-assess the situation." Shepard wonders if perhaps she's had too much to drink already. "Shepard, I have re-assessed the situation. May I come in?"

Shepard allows EDI entry into her quarters, gesturing for her to sit on the couch. EDI does so, taking the time to look around as she goes. Shepard sits with her, resisting the urge to pick up her glass from the table and continue drinking. "This is quite the surprise…" she says, regarding EDI. "I take it this is the body that's been _repurposed_ to suit my needs? The Illusive Man said it belonged to one of his scientists who betrayed him."

"Correct," EDI confirms. "Dr. Eva Coré was the scientist who created one of your more controversial implants. I now have full access to the data on the development of that particular research. Should you have any inquiries about the nature of your implant, I am here to assist. This platform can also serve as an infiltration unit, and can move freely among organics, given that I remain within the Normandy's broadcast, or tight-beam range."

Shepard gives a nod of approval. "So that means you're still in the ship? I don't have to worry about the Normandy—or, uh, _you—_going offline if you're too far away?"

"I exist primarily within the ship, yes," EDI says. Shepard's eyes glaze over for a moment before she again resists reaching for her drink. "Shepard? I admit I did not come to visit to simply explain the matter of how I acquired this body. The crew have all expressed their concern for your well-being. However, none of them feel they are in a position to speak with you on a more personal level."

Mordin is usually the only one Shepard speaks to on any sort of personal level: the usual hinting chats about the asari reproductive system. He's back with STG for the time being. Garrus is second on the list; he's on Palaven with his family. She never spoke with Grunt about anything like this, though she takes the time to wonder how he's faring on Tuchanka under Wrex's leadership. Tali, Legion, Jack, Miranda, Samara and Joker have all stayed aboard; ready to assist Shepard with her endeavors, even knowing she's staying with Cerberus…knowing they're missing more than Shepard can bare, at times.

"Yeah, I get that," Shepard replies, unaware that she's reached for her wine and is sipping it in between sentences. "I'm a private person, EDI. I expect my crew to stay professional and to not go butting around in my business…" She stares at her reflection in the liqueur, scowling more in places where she sees fatigue. "It's for their own good. And I'd like more information on the implant later…not now." EDI is too quiet for Shepard to feel comfortable with. "You look like you're thinking hard. Might as well air it out…"

EDI collects herself right away. "I'm sorry. I took a moment to recall Tali's apprehension about expressing this information to you. She seemed to think you would find my concern unwelcome, or that you would perhaps grow upset with me." Shepard never imagined feeling guilty over hurting an AI's feelings before, if EDI even has feelings. EDI's expression betrays some semblance of emotion. "The crew and I came to the agreement that you would only speak on this level with Liara. She is not here. Thus, we were unsure of how to proceed: whether it would be best to simply focus on our objective on the Citadel, or to at least make an attempt to penetrate your exterior. I have never faced this type of improbability before today…"

Shepard sets her empty wine glass down. She is not light-headed. EDI's honesty is…refreshing, compared to how content everyone else is to ignore her. She sighs, "EDI, look…this is all new for me, too. I've never been in a position where the people around me wanted to talk about _me… _Everyone's usually too busy dumping their problems on me to damn about what's going on in my head. I don't like how everyone has another excuse to talk about me. It's easier to stay away from it."

"I see," EDI says. "It is easy for you to listen to others, but you dislike when your personal problems have the potential to become a source of gossip. You cling to your mystery so as to avoid the embarrassment that accompanies the inclination of organics to misconstrue what they hear, to match it with their preconceived notions of the topic at hand. I sense you do not care enough about the issues of others to even begin to misread what they say."

"You make me sound like a reclusive asshole when you put it that way," Shepard points out, rubbing her shoulder as an odd display of embarrassment. She's not supposed to _care_—that makes it even worse.

EDI is as candid as ever: "If that is what you are, I see no harm in it. You place the utmost importance in Liara's well-being because she respects—even admires—your many aspects. I believe it would be helpful for the crew's morale if you acknowledged their willingness to assist you in your search—nothing more. Perhaps then I can begin to re-assess your self-categorization of _reclusive asshole._ If you care, that is."

—

Shepard has her hands upon the table in the conference room, staring at the surface as she hangs her head. Her team has gathered in the room, watching her struggle in her silence. Several minutes have passed and not a word has been uttered—even Jack has not expressed any impatience with Shepard. Getting everyone in here was easy; keeping them standing here and giving them something to listen to she knew she had to do on a whim. Improvisation is not Shepard's strong point—not at a time like this.

"Everyone…" She takes her time in lifting her head, to regard her team properly. "When we got back from the Omega 4 Relay, I didn't make a speech. When we set those coffins in the cargo bay, I didn't say anything. But now…now that _I've_ suffered a personal loss, one that I didn't prepare for…I'm dedicating all my time to finding what I've lost…instead of taking at least some of that time to get everyone up to speed…" Shepard takes a breath, hesitating; but not to find the right words. "You're all here because of me—not because of Cerberus, or because you don't have anywhere else better to be. In my sorrow, and my selfishness, I forgot that. You deserve better…"

This is the first time Shepard takes a moment to regard each of her squad mates since the suicide mission. Legion's head is bowed in respect. Miranda looks back at her, her expression a mix of empathy and pain. Tali faces Shepard, but she is looking down, pulling at her fingers. Jack has her arms folded, watching Shepard with an unusual patience. Samara regards her in understanding. EDI has a semblance of a smile on her face. Shepard knows Joker is listening from the cockpit.

So she continues on: "I'm not going to give you any bullshit about how a leader has to deal with the consequences of his or her actions. I'm not here to sell an apology to you for being the way I am. You know enough about who I am and what I stand for. I helped each of you deal with your personal problems before we hit the Collector Base… Think of this as _my _personal problem that needs dealing with before we can move on to focus on the bigger picture. I admit I ignored it before…and now I'm paying for it. Liara…"

Another hesitation: Shepard grimaces. Air collects in her throat as she decides whether or not to own up to this; if her squad _really _needs to hear this. "Shepard," Tali says, her hands clasped in front of her, "we understand…or, at least I do. I don't think I've ever seen _you _struggle with what to say before. You don't need to explain how you feel about her, or even what would happen to your resolve if we couldn't find her."

"I feel like I owe you that explanation," Shepard says, digging her nails into the table as she balls her hands into fists. "You're helping me for a change. I'm not asking any of you to stay. From the way I've been avoiding you…"

"It's only logical," Miranda assures her. "You're upset; you've never been in this position before. It makes sense that you'd need your space while you plan your next move…" Shepard isn't daft—she hears the misery behind Miranda's voice. "We're with you, Commander. Every step of the way."

Shepard frowns, directing her next words at Miranda in particular: "I don't want any of you staying for my sake. If you have an issue, or anything you need to say to me…you know where to find me." She scowls at Miranda for good measure before returning to the group at large. "We'll find Liara… I know we will. After that, I'll be able to dedicate all resources to preparing for the arrival of the Reapers—whether the rest of the galaxy wants to listen to us or not. I have a feeling the two are connected… Our first lead is this asari Spectre on the Citadel…assuming she survived her fight back on Thessia. If not, we find out happened to her. If she's alive, we find out what she's up to, what she knows, and we move from there. Stick to your stations and follow orders. I'm hearing reports that the Citadel isn't the same anymore. Be ready for anything."

—

A riot has started outside the entrance to Chora's Den in the Wards. C-Sec officers are nowhere to be seen. Eclipse mercs use their biotics to act as de-facto bouncers, doing nothing to stop the chaos all along the ramps leading through to the back alleys. Anyone who gets too close to the entrance is hit with a singularity field. New regulations forbid carrying weapons anywhere on the Citadel: everyone is—supposed to be—unarmed.

Shepard and Jack stare at the mess of human males shouting to gain entry to the club. Tali is inside, letting them know she's on the lookout for an asari that fits Shepard's description. That aside, Shepard needs to be physically _in _Chora's Den to oversee this herself. She finds a quiet, irritated looking man in his middle ages, near the back of the riot.

"What the hell's going on here?" she demands, gesturing to the crowd. "Why are these Eclipse bitches acting like they own the place?"

The man scowls at her before fixing his face. Shepard raises an eyebrow—his eyes are a fading red hue. "That's a Cerberus uniform… C-Commander Shepard?" he stammers, looking around. "You…you're the one who started all this! You're the one who stopped those experiments on Horizon!"

"Yeah," Shepard says, grabbing her sidearm, "and I'm also the one who enjoys starting and stopping other things with my gun." She points to Jack. "Or I can just have my friend here deal with you in case I don't feel like getting my hands dirty. So stop blaming and start talking."

"Alright!" says the man, putting his hands up in front of him. "I don't want any trouble, damnit—I've got business here. Look, Commander, I don't really know what's going on. All I know is they've got a sign up by the door: _no humans allowed. _All because of that shit with the Alliance and the asari! That's all I know, I swear!"

Shepard tilts her head to one side. "You swear, huh?" Sounds familiar. "Hey, what's your name?"

He pauses for a few seconds. "My…my name? You want to know my name?"

"That's what I said," she affirms, before looking to Jack. "Isn't that what I said? Or am I being too nice? What do you think?"

Jack shakes her head, looking amused. "Shepard, you already know what I think. Screw this guy! Talking to him's a waste of time. We should be busting our way in by now."

"Bust away," she says. "You're the biotic expert here, not me. I'll follow you."

One shockwave through the crowd is enough to get the mercs' attention. Jack makes a path for her and Shepard—they walk right to the closed entrance, unfazed by the number of Eclipse sisters by the door. Shepard signals for Jack to wait, for the moment. They can at least hear the mercs out before doing anything about them.

"So what's your story?" Shepard asks. "You ladies have your Eclipse-issue panties in a bunch because of what a few _humans_ did in a lab somewhere? Even _I've _been affected by what happened, and I'm not resorting to petty segregation to hold a grudge." They all stand there in a stunned silence. Shepard rolls her eyes. "I bet you don't even have your information straight. So what if you've heard rumors or if someone you care about's been affected? Unless you were there with me and my squad, _none_ of you have the right to assert _due justice!"_

One of the mercs steps forward, looking Shepard up and down. "You're Commander Shepard?" she asks.

"I am," Shepard replies. "Sorry, must've left my nametag at home. Now who's asking?"

"Vasir's been looking for you." The merc signals for the rest of the squad to step aside. "You and your friend can go inside. You'll find her near the back entrance. She said she was expecting another visitor, but I'm not letting him in. She'll want to speak with you instead."

"Fine," says Shepard. "I'll let the segregation thing slide, for now. If it gets out of hand, I'll invoke Spectre authority as I see fit. We clear?"

The merc opens the door for Shepard and Jack, grimacing. "Crystal."

Thick heat, musk, and bass vibrations overwhelm Shepard as she enters the club. No open doors and no windows make for poor ventilation in a place like this. The owners have changed the neon ambiance to blue in light of recent events. Asari dancers are still in their respective places, looking unaffected by what's happened. Turians, salarians and a few volus are preoccupied with their drinks and dancers, not noticing the two humans who just walked in. Tali hails Shepard and Jack over from the bar, trying to look natural with a full drink in her hand.

"Keelah, I'm so glad you managed to get in," Tali says, looking around in a fright. "Fights have been starting every few minutes ever since I got here. Usually it's from someone making a drunken comment about the asari…like how they don't need a brain to do their thing on a pole somewhere. I think there may have been a double-meaning in that one."

Shepard doesn't know whether to laugh with Jack or tell her off. "That's even more fucked up than something I'd come up with," she says instead. "And that's saying something." Tali nods in agreement; Jack takes her time to calm down. "One of the mercs at the entrance said a _Vasir_ wants to see me. I think it might be who we're looking for."

"If it's the disgruntled asari sitting at that table near the back entrance," Tali replies, pointing her out, "then yes, I think that's the one. She looks pretty beaten up. What do you think she wants with you?"

"Information, probably… Information I don't have, if we're both looking for the same thing." Shepard observes Vasir for a moment longer, thinking back to Matriarch Benezia's estate. She mentioned Liara more than once. Vasir also stressed the importance of finding Shepard alone. "You two stay here. I'll go see what she wants. Keep in radio contact. Jack, think you can hang with Tali for a while?"

"Yeah, sure," Jack says, taking Tali's drink. "We got your back. I'll see if I can get her some stripper action, break her in. Anyone has anything to say about it, I'll just show them what I did to all those guys outside."

Shepard leaves Jack to her devices, smirking at Tali's protests. Vasir turns and sees her as she approaches, widening her eyes. There are several cuts over her face and outfit. Shepard makes a mental note that the man back on Thessia did indeed have a blade of some sort.

"This is quite the surprise, Commander," says Vasir as Shepard sits down opposite her. "I didn't expect to find you here, of all places. I thought they weren't letting humans in?"

Shepard shifts in her seat, keeping her hand under the table close enough to her sidearm. "They aren't, actually. One of the mercs let me in, claiming you were looking for me. It'd be nice to know exactly who you are and what you want if that's the case."

"Straight to the point," she comments with a nod of approval. Shepard narrows her eyes a tic. "I'm Tela Vasir, Special Tactics and Reconnaissance. I was supposed to be meeting another…_friend _here, but that was before I found out about the anti-human attitude all over the Citadel and the rest of asari space. It's a big deal, coming from the most peaceful and diplomatic race in the galaxy. But that's alright. I'd much rather speak with you instead."

"About?" Shepard asks.

"You're a damn good Spectre, Commander," Vasir says. "You did good work stopping Saren, the Collectors, and now the Alliance's R&D. Still, I've heard stories about a woman you're sorely missing." Shepard stops herself from cutting Vasir off, from showing any emotion. She grips her weapon instead, digging her nails into the handle so hard that the pain cancels out provocation. "I…can sympathize. I want to track her down with you."

Shepard releases her hold on her sidearm, finally exhaling. "If that's true, why didn't you try contacting me yourself? I'm sure my e-mail address is all over the extranet by now. Better yet, you could've contacted me through the Spectre Office. Pretty unprofessional of you to have the information passed along by chance from an Eclipse merc acting as a bouncer."

"Serendipity is a mysterious thing, isn't it?" asks Vasir, her tone as rhetorical as it is hinting. Shepard doesn't dare show her understanding. "This is a sensitive issue, Commander: locating the final stage of the Alliance experiments on Horizon will be the downfall of your species' military force. I didn't want to come to you until I was certain I'd found a lead. After today, I will be. I'm sure your Cerberus intel will be able to fill in the blanks…you _are _still working for the Illusive Man, aren't you?"

Shepard scowls at Vasir's probing. "Leave the subject of my employment out of this. Whether I do or I don't, you need me. So tell me why you're so interested in finding Liara. I know this has nothing to do with the Alliance, or avenging all the asari who died in those experiments."

"I want to know where she was taken just as badly as you do," Vasir claims, leaning in with a smirk on her face. "You'll have to trust me on this, Commander. I promise you, after I pay my contact a visit, you'll be the first to know what I come up with. After that, we'll work together to track the place down." She reaches her hand across the table, holding it out. "Deal?"

"_I don't trust her, Shepard," _Liara's voice tells her. She imagines Liara sitting in her lap, being cradled by her. _"She's so quick to try and gain your trust when it must be common knowledge you are a difficult person to sway…" _A ghost of Liara's touch whispers through Shepard's hair, along her scalp, easing the animosity in her expression; _"But…if she can get that lead for you, you can trust her to do that much…"_

Shepard manages to appear sincere as she shakes Vasir's hand. "Deal."

"Excellent," says Vasir, standing up. "Well then, Commander, I should be going. I'll e-mail you as soon as I can with the information. Oh, and," Vasir fixes her face into the most transparent smile Shepard has ever seen; "You look good for someone who's lost as much as you have. I should follow your example."

Shepard stares back at her, internalizing the sudden hatred she feels toward this woman. "Maybe you should. Those scars don't suit you too well. They almost make you look like a turian. Or a krogan."

Vasir glowers at Shepard before leaving. EDI speaks to her via radio as she watches Vasir go: _"Shepard, the Illusive Man is on this frequency. He wishes to speak with you."_

"Go ahead," Shepard says, giving Vasir one last scowl.

"_Commander," _the Illusive Man says, _"you'll want to hurry to the Consort's building located on the Presidium. That's where Vasir is headed, and I've confirmed that Sha'ira is her special contact. You shouldn't have much trouble gaining entry to the Consort's quarters, but stay hidden nonetheless. You'll know what to do." _


	8. Her Majesty

**Note. **An uncensored version of this story is on my LiveJournal. Link's on my profile...

—

_**VIII. **__Her Majesty_

White walls encased in the shadow of afterhours surround Shepard as she walks through the lobby undetected. The other acolytes who work for the Consort have retired for the evening, regardless of the ever-present daytime on the Presidium. She has already set her omni-tool to record both audio and video. The first shot is of a man leaving the staircase leading to Sha'ira's quarters. Shepard picks up the pace enough to not risk detection, getting a better look at him as they begin to cross paths.

"Sha'ira owes me a few favors," says the man—the Illusive Man—speaking to Shepard, though not looking directly at her. "You have permission to take advantage of that." Shepard stops, watching him adjust the collar of his shirt and his cufflinks. "We'll debrief whenever you decide to leave. Stick around for as long as you can—just remember to stay hidden, and keep Vasir alive in case you're discovered. Revealing your identity is not an option."

The Illusive Man continues on his way out. Shepard makes a face of disgust as she hurries along. She was right to decline Sha'ira's _gift _all those years ago.

Shepard crouches down as she ascends the stairs, seeing the open door and the Consort there, looking unaware of her presence. Sha'ira stands in the doorway, her hands on either side of the frame and one knee bent. Shepard ducks under Sha'ira's arm, slipping past her. Straightaway she finds a suitable hiding spot in a corner near the bed. She settles there, glancing at Sha'ira's back before taking in her surroundings for possible emergency escape routes. The décor hasn't changed since her first visit with Liara and Kaidan. She recalls the main reason she declined Sha'ira's proposition was because of Liara's jealousy. Kaidan later questioned Shepard on her decision, making an accurate guess as to why she turned Sha'ira down. Their friendship never mended after that conversation. Shepard gives the room one last wistful look before changing a few settings on her omni-tool.

"There you are, Vasir," says Sha'ira, guiding her inside by the hand. "You have kept me waiting. I was worried you would not come." The door closes—and locks—behind them. Shepard takes note of how loud Sha'ira's door is; the sound of the lock. "So many injuries… Tell me, what has happened since we last saw each other?"

"Where do I start?" asks Vasir, bitter as Sha'ira caresses her clothes off. Shepard's eyes harden as she watches. "You were right about her…" Vasir arches her neck, allowing Sha'ira's lips to roam and heal. "...it was the Alliance who took her…they have her, somewhere, and I _will _track her down…with your help. I have…a few questions…"

Sha'ira twists her body to accommodate Vasir's groping. "_Please_," she says, "ask me…and I will help you, Vasir…in any way I can."

That blue mist and Vasir's sudden relaxation: they're melding, joining, and using their minds to communicate. Shepard scowls, feeling like a sick voyeur, on the floor, on her knees, watching and recording this. The novelty of voyeurism does something for her; very little. The thought of Liara straddling her backside, almost riding her as she speaks in Shepard's ear…

"_You're enjoying this," _Liara comments, putting more pressure on the small of Shepard's back as she shifts about. _"Still, be careful…they may be preoccupied, but Vasir is a Spectre for a reason." _Shepard is filled with the memory of Liara's taste, her smell—back on the Shadow Broker's ship… _"Then again…I'm curious about this implant. You can't hear what they're saying…what would happen if you were to join your consciousness to Sha'ira's? The Illusive Man did say you have permission to take advantage here. 'Threesomes,' as you might put it, are not uncommon among asari. It requires a great deal of concentration, the more partners are involved. But the Consort seems quite…_capable_. You can rely on that to make up for the limited knowledge you have about your implant. Now's a good as time as any to begin testing." _

Shepard's instincts, actions, and Liara's voice merge as one:

"_Get closer to Sha'ira…good. Physical contact isn't really necessary…you should be close enough. Now, close your eyes…listen to her mind's pulses. Think of them in terms of binary code: each one is transmitting a certain image, a certain word; putting them together will make up the bigger picture. Open your mind to the possibilities, and listen." _

She expects to have a repeat of when Shiala gave her the Cipher back on Feros, or even an extension of the few times Liara started to join her consciousness to Shepard's. Instead, Shepard experiences déjà vu of the jagged images from the Prothean beacon on Eden Prime:

_A massive star much like the one behind the Illusive Man's office; luminescent, blinding; an Alliance fleet near the star and an ice giant; a huge ship with structural damage near the top: familiar, but wrong; Alliance soldiers sent out from the top of the ship in a similar fashion to Shepard's death; a cacophony of explosions; spaced soldiers are surrounded by a biotic-blue hue; rough images of Eclipse commandos in their ship taking footage; Alliance fleet fires on the commandos; a lone gunship retreats; a panicked asari seeks the Consort's advice; her words: "…think th…ere—to…et …side th…ship…some…dn't let…m—…erful…otic…t the very t—she l—iliar…like C—er—'s…tner—ni. Ev…knows—about th—"_

"What…what was that..?" asks Vasir, sounding dazed; Shepard nearly overturned the nearby table as she was jerked out of Sha'ira's memory. Vasir notes the items that have shifted on the surface. "…Sha'ira. There's…someone here. I knew it…there was someone else in your mind! Another asari! You wouldn't allow that…someone's spying on you—on me!"

Sha'ira stirs from beneath her, sighing. "That can't be right…" she says. "You are the only one here with me."

"No."

Vasir moves to stand. Shepard is statuesque on her hands and knees, watching Vasir with eyes unblinking. Vasir searches the room, stepping everywhere that Shepard is not. Sha'ira looks unfazed—she must know of Shepard's presence as a favor to the Illusive Man. Shepard won't risk communicating with her like this—she needs to leave, again, before Vasir finds her.

Just as she begins going for the door, she is picked up by the neck, choked; slammed against the wall closest to the exit. Shepard grabs onto Vasir's wrists, refusing to break her cloak. She needs to breathe; she needs to stay undetected even in this state. Vasir glares in the general direction of Shepard's narrowed eyes; and her breath, her proximity smell of skin and sex.

"Drop the fancy cloak, you bitch!" demands Vasir, her eyes darting wildly as she charges her biotics. Shepard contracts her throat, keeping her struggle dead silent. "You're fucking _sick_, whoever you are… I won't say it again. Don't even get me started on the insanity of a damn _asari _bothering with tactical cloak cybernetics…" Panic sets in—she tries to think of what could go wrong if she gave in. Shepard needs to _breathe_. "Drop the cloak, _now_, before I throw you across this room and break every bone in your body!"

Liara's voice helps Shepard pull through: _"This isn't good…you need to get out of here! She'll kill you, you know she will… Don't let her take you away from me…"_

Shepard grabs Vasir's face and scalp with both hands. She incinerates skin and skull added with the hatred she felt earlier, making Vasir scream as she lets Shepard go. The burn is far more powerful than she intended. Only now does Sha'ira stand, to tend to Vasir—she signals for Shepard to leave, quickly.

Shepard takes off running without looking back, _feeling_ the absence of all that hatred. She tears through the Presidium, over the bridge, trying to get to the elevator—

_Stopped in her tracks by a stasis bubble._

Shepard can only look around in her immediate periphery. She's still cloaked. Footsteps and shouting get louder as they get closer, nearer.

Whoever it is lets out a short laugh from behind her. "Ha! I knew it! I _knew _it was you!"

That's not Vasir.

"You think you're so damn _sneaky_," says the person—female, familiar. "I saw that cloak of yours shimmering in the sunlight from a mile away! Only _Commander Shepard_ would have a reason to tear through the Presidium of all places…" She charges her biotics as she raises her voice: "Because she's a lousy, good-for-nothing _coward!"_

The asari warps the stasis bubble, detonating Shepard's shields; threatening to rip the skin and muscles right from her body as she's sent flying. Shepard lands in the body of water below. She can only flail around to regain her balance for a few moments: the asari has followed her, gripped her by the collar and thrown her close to the nearest walkway. Of a sudden, Shepard's head is forced upward and she grips onto the offender's wrists. She can't breathe in between the sudden shifts from open to underwater. Her sight is suspect from the water blurring her sight. The earlier detonation has her ears ringing from the impact, dulling her hearing. As moments pass, her senses come back to her:

"…your fault she's dead!" The words shout against Shepard's skin; she shuts her eyes to shield herself. "I _trusted_ you to do your damn job—to keep my girl safe! You went and blew it!" Familiarity seeps through Shepard's vision as she glares at this asari: her face, her clothes… Eternity. "Now my pride and joy—the only thing I had left in this godforsaken galaxy, the only thing worth living for… My little wing's gone…"

Shepard blinks the rest of the water from her eyes as she hears C-Sec rushing over to the scene. They arrive too quickly for Shepard to get a better look at the asari…yet they choose to do nothing about the riots in front of Chora's Den. Shepard declines assistance from an officer as she raises herself to the surface, watching the asari shouting death threats as they take her away.

—

Back aboard the Normandy in the debriefing room, Shepard stands before the Illusive Man in his office. He almost laughs at Shepard's retelling of what happened with Vasir and the Consort. "I almost wish I could have joined you in Sha'ira's quarters," he says, before taking a drink from his glass. "Sha'ira would never _verbally _betray the privacy of her clients. She is also more sympathetic to you than she is to me for her own reasons. Vasir is a certified racist, even more so now after the news about Sanctuary. But, she is also a hypocrite—she hates asari purebloods, and yet she's involved in an affair with one."

The Illusive Man is one to talk about racists and hypocrites. Shepard chooses not to comment on it—she is still thrown by the incident earlier with that asari. "I take it you don't like Vasir?" she asks instead. "She seemed pretty fake with me back in Chora's Den, that's for damn sure."

"She's too contradictory for my tastes," says the Illusive Man. "A Spectre, whose success can only be attributed to the information she obtained from the old Shadow Broker. A closed-minded asari, dating the cultural bane of her race. And now, a failed police officer who seeks comfort and intel from a high-class prostitute. I have my best specialists searching for a possible location based on your description of Sha'ira's memory as we speak. We'll want Vasir to confirm what you saw. Once her usefulness is expended, I suggest eliminating her. She's not to be trusted."

Shepard isn't content with tip-toeing around the issue: "If we're going to do this, I need to know why _I _should trust _you," _she tells him, folding her arms. "I remember what you said back on Thessia. I told the prosecutors what you wanted them to hear from me. From what you told me about Kai Leng, I got the impression you were seconds away from stabbing me in the back until _he _stopped you. Don't even get me started on _you _getting comfort and intel from that same prostitute!" The Illusive Man takes longer than usual as he inhales the smoke and nicotine from his cigarette. "Why?"

The Illusive Man focuses on his astray for a moment, stark still. Before Shepard can prompt him, however, he speaks: "I'm sure you understand what it's like to have seemingly impossible goals, Commander. I wouldn't be where I am today if not for the sacrifices of others—friend and foe alike. Not until I was blindsided and betrayed did I realize that I was headed down the wrong path."

"You mean the path of blindsiding and betraying me?" asks Shepard.

"No," the Illusive Man replies. "You never trusted me. My actions would have neither blindsided you nor betrayed a trust you didn't have. Things began to change when Aria T'Loak didn't behave as expected. I'm sure she told you about our conversation."

Shepard recalls what Aria said during that transmission on the shuttle. "Yeah, she did. She said something about turning down a pact with you and Omega. So what's the rest of it?"

"The Reapers are on their way, Shepard," he says. "We both know that. I didn't want you to go back to the Alliance—_I_ brought you back, after all. I had a feeling you would, but I couldn't let you do that. When Aria became suspicious of me, it stirred a feeling in me I hadn't felt in a long time: the reminder that I can't control those around me. Your survival also proved this. As did Dr. T'Soni's timely disappearance."

"_Timely?" _Shepard echoes, scowling deep. "What the hell do you mean, _timely? _I had no control over the situation! It's my fault she's gone. There's nothing timely about it!"

The Illusive Man finishes his drink. "On the contrary," he claims. "Three things in a row—three things I didn't plan and didn't want—all happened at nearly the same time. Aria's refusal to leave her throne on Omega made it impossible for me to have a base of operations close to the Omega 4 Relay. Your survival reminded me of your value, of everything you stand for. The relocation of Dr. T'Soni and a number of other asari is being taken advantage of, and not for my benefit. Wherever they are, my credits that were stolen from me are being used to keep them there. To merely say that Leng dislikes your importance to me is an understatement."

Shepard takes a guess that this is about as frank as the Illusive Man will allow himself to be on the issue. She sets aside the rest of her questions about his motives, moving back to the problem at hand. "Alright, I get it: it took one of my haters messing up your operations for you to turn around. Right now I'm more worried that all I got out of that trip to the Citadel was getting to burn that stupid smile off Vasir's face…_and_ getting blindsided by a pissed off asari."

"C-Sec's arrival was too convenient," says the Illusive Man. "I find it strange they didn't bring you to headquarters for questioning. I also agree with your suspicions that the Citadel may be entertaining anti-human attitudes. Judging from how long it took them to allow humans a seat on the Council, I'm not surprised. You're still a hero—even more so now that it was your testimony that presented everyone with the truth. That's exactly what we want."

"What do you think the Alliance is trying to pull?" Shepard asks, thinking back to that fleet from the memory. "It didn't look like they were trying to take the ship down…more like sending soldiers in to investigate. Whatever's in there doesn't want any visitors."

The Illusive Man brings up schematics of the Alliance's Fifth Fleet. "Based on your description of the ships you saw, they're under Hackett's command. I assume he's trying to save the Alliance, by having his men board the ship and collect sufficient evidence to make an appeal to Asari High Command."

Shepard scowls at the implications. "And if they find out I lied about Cerberus not being involved…"

"My thoughts exactly," the Illusive Man replies. "It's hard to say what they might find, considering we have few details about what this ship is or even where it's located. You did say it's massive in size."

"Yeah, but the images were really unclear," Shepard recalls. "The only time I remember seeing something that big was Sovereign…maybe even the Collector Base. I can't say for sure. I was too busy trying to figure out what was nearby, and why the fleet was firing at mercs."

"We'll figure it out, Commander. I'll have a definite location soon. In the mean time, I suggest seeing if Vasir's given you anything more we can use. If you can get her to confirm what you saw, that means your implant was a success. When this is over, talk to EDI; see what you can learn about the implant's development, and perhaps even other possible uses."

—

_Commander Shepard:_

_I've spoken to my contact and I have the preliminary information we need. Miranda Lawson contacted me on your behalf while you were held up at C-Sec right after our meeting. It's a shame you have to deal with the bitterness of closed-minded asari just for being human. I find myself again sympathizing with you—even my own people resent me for openly supporting humanity. Your race has done nothing wrong. Just your scientists._

_Meet me on Omega outside the Afterlife club as soon as possible. There, we can discuss the information I've learned and we can plan our next move. I have several possible locations. I used to have a few friends to call on if I needed accurate star charts, but you know how these things go. This isn't a matter of merely finding a few coordinates, either. It will be a complicated process and may take some time._

_P.S.: I'll be wearing a helmet when you find me. Long story short—the asari have it out for me. _

_Tela Vasir  
Special Tactics and Reconnaissance  
Illium Police  
Citadel Council's Ministry of Finance Honorary Lieutenant_

And a second message:

_Shepard,_

_I hear you're close to finding my daughter. Meet me at Afterlife. Now. _

_Aria_

—

When Shepard arrives on Omega and sees Vasir outside the club indeed wearing a helmet, she can't help but laugh. Asari don't wear covered helmets such as these, and to see one fitted on Vasir after all that's happened makes it a symbol of the woman's incompetence. Shepard's amusement is short-lived once she's face-to-face with Vasir leering at her. From what little Shepard can see of Vasir's face, there are scorch marks that run deep through her flesh.

"You think this is funny?" asks Vasir, taking a moment to glare at the people in line staring at her.

Shepard knows she shouldn't be laughing at a time like this. "I've just never seen an asari wearing a helmet like that before," she admits. Vasir is not pleased. "It doesn't matter, anyway. Tell me what you found out."

Vasir gestures for Shepard to follow her through the entrance to Afterlife. "I have some descriptions of a series of shady Alliance raids," she says as they walk through the door. "I'm not exactly sure where they take place, but they seem to line up to one final area. Analyzing the descriptions to find specifics is going to be the hard part. I have another contact here that might have some insight for us."

They sit down in an unused part of the passageway, out of earshot from the people nearby. It's as Shepard suspected—Vasir is giving her a host of vague information, almost as if she doesn't want her to know about Sha'ira's memory of the panicked asari. Vasir's request for Cerberus aid in deciphering her bullshit only dulls Shepard's senses. It's clear now: she's wasting her time dealing with Vasir.

"I'm sorry," Shepard says, putting a hand to her ear, "I must be having a hard time hearing what you said. From what I understand, you know I'm looking for Liara and you have an interest in manipulating the outcome of the situation."

Vasir does a double-take. "I—what? You can't be serious! I just told you—"

"—you've told me nothing I care about." Shepard stands up, reaching behind her to hold her Widow over her back. "If this is how you're going to play things, your intel is useless to me! I'm through with you."

"Now hold on, Commander," Vasir says, standing; backing away toward the second door to the nightclub. "There's no need to be rash. I know you're frustrated over your partner's absence—"

Shepard grabs hold of Vasir's helmet with her omni-tool hand, pinning her against the wall. "Frustrated?" she asks, activating her tech power just enough to give Vasir a reminder of what happened to her face. "No, Vasir! _Frustrated _is not knowing where to go, not having the correct information. _Vindicated _is knowing exactly where to go, even with someone talking out of their ass right in front of you!" A foreign entity at play makes Shepard let go of her Widow, and Vasir. She shakes her head. "I don't have time for this…" Shepard steps back, folding her arms. She can't tell as to Vasir's expression under that helmet in this lighting. "Get lost before I change my mind."

Vasir has nothing more to say. Shepard makes her way through the passageway to the inside of the club. Vasir is walking next to her, with some distance put between them. She did say she had someone else to speak to here. Judging from her friend at Chora's Den, Shepard assumes Vasir's contacts are fond of nightclubs and sex. She doesn't pay Vasir any mind as she makes her way to Aria's usual spot. She's gotten used to the sudden sound of music and collections of conversations here.

Suspicion creeps up when Vasir continues to follow her through the club. Shepard gives her a number of sidelong glares, but Vasir never follows up with a look in kind or a detour.

She follows Shepard all the way to where Aria always sits. Vasir even stands there with her, fully expecting to be seen. Aria stands up, waving her guards away.

"Vasir!" she says, a look of disgust on her face. "I told you _not _to come here! I don't care if you have a stupid helmet on or not—I _don't _want to see your face!" Aria turns her nose up at Shepard. "And you! I thought I made it clear I wanted to see you alone. If you told _anyone _about that confidential information—"

Vasir is deadpan as she interrupts: "Shepard didn't tell me about Liselle, Aria…I found out on my own. Grayson came clean with what happened…Cerberus operatives kidnapped her. He managed to run off before they could kill him."

Aria walks toward Vasir, her face contorting with more rage with each step she takes. "You had the nerve to speak to that son of a bitch about _my _daughter? Oh, that's rich!" She takes Vasir's helmet off; throws it to the floor. Shepard takes in just how much damage she did to Vasir's face. It looks as though Vasir didn't even have the time to get proper treatment. "You come here with your tail in between your legs, giving me this crap story about her boyfriend, and you expect me to believe you? The only thing I believe is that Shepard didn't tell you anything about her!"

Shepard sits down and watches, choosing not to intervene. Vasir sighs, "Aria—"

"You still don't get to call me by my first name," says Aria. "Or any name for that matter. I don't even want you speaking to me in the first place. I gave you a warning and you ignored it." When Vasir tries to speak again, Aria cuts her off: "You know what? Even if you found Liselle, it wouldn't help you! It _won't _redeem you in my eyes, Vasir! And nothing will. I put up with a lot of her choices, but she won't have you and that's final. With that face, I bet she'd take anyone over you. You're done here—now leave."

To see Vasir reduced to that level before Aria…

"I'm too nice," Aria says as she sits down with Shepard, shaking her head. "I swear if I have to deal with that woman again I might just maim her myself. She deserved whatever the hell happened to that face of hers. Maybe now she'll keep a low profile."

"So are you going to fill me in on what happened?" asks Shepard; "Or was that too personal?"

Aria lets out a dry laugh. "I suppose you've earned the right to know," she says with a small smile. "Vasir calls herself being in love with my daughter when everyone knows the bitch hates purebloods. They were trying to keep their little affair private until Grayson walked in on them and notified me."

"She's trying to redeem herself by finding Liselle without my help, I'm guessing," Shepard says, thinking back to that convoluted intel Vasir tried to sell her moments ago.

"Probably," Aria replies. "Even if she brought my daughter back dressed in royal gowns and gold, I wouldn't let that hypocrite anywhere near her. The only reason I keep her alive is because Liselle would hate me if I killed her…" Aria looks pensive for a few seconds before fixing her face. "But enough about that. Your Illusive Man tipped me off about what you found. I'm sick of people even thinking they _need _to redeem themselves in my eyes." She rolls her eyes at this. "Shepard? Promise me something."

"Yeah?" she asks. "What is it?"

Aria purses her lips before explaining: "In all my years of playing my own version of politics, I admit I've never quite had a feeling from anyone that I get from you. Even though I know you're looking into this for your own benefit, you're also doing me a favor. Just promise me you won't ever change."

Shepard sees no reason why she would _change. _"Sure, I promise…even though that was pretty unexpected, coming from you."

"Don't make anything more of it than what it is," says Aria, smiling again. "Though depending on what we find out there, I might just give you permission to do that."

"_We?" _Shepard asks, watching Aria stand up. "What are you talking about? What are you doing? You never leave Omega."

"I'm going with you," Aria confirms as she begins leaving with Shepard. "Eclipse, Blood Pack and the Blue Suns—united—will watch over Omega while I'm with you. We will take your ship to this place, wherever it is. And we're going to find Liselle there, and little Liara. The Illusive Man knows better than to try and fool me again. He promised he'd have a definite location for us by the time I finished my conversation with you. Our conversation is now over."


	9. Project Demigoddess

_**IX. **Project Demigoddess _

_There are no separations of energy fields in the mind and all other energy fields that materialize in the physical universe._

The second Shepard receives confirmation via radio of Liara's location, she hurries back to the Normandy with Aria. They're about to board through the airlock when a group of Eclipse commandos catch up to them.

Aria stops, turning to the commando at the fore of the squad. "Gabrielle?" she asks, signaling for Shepard to hold on. "This isn't a sending off party! We're in a hurry to get somewhere! I told you to keep an eye on Omega while I'm gone."

"I know, I know," the commando replies, eyes wide with worry. "But—Aria—listen, the Citadel—!"

"What does the Citadel have to do with me?" asks Aria. Shepard tenses her jaw, taking note that her feet are still on Omega ground. Aria's in charge here.

"It has to do with the commander," Gabrielle blurts out, regarding Shepard. "That asari who attacked you on the Presidium—Matriarch Aethyta, she's…"

Shepard pinches the brim of her nose, well-aware of her blood pressure rising. "For the love of God, spit it out! Is this asari critical to my mission or not? Because if she isn't—"

…_your fault she's dead! I trusted you to do your damn job—to keep my girl safe! You went and blew it!_

"Shepard?" Aria asks, snapping her fingers.

"What do you need me to do?" Shepard asks the commando.

Gabrielle looks at Shepard for a moment, narrowing her eyes in confusion. "I need you to get her out of jail… I've heard chatter about what my sisters have found out there. You'll want Aethyta's help."

"Can you and your team come with us?" Shepard does her best to ignore the questioning look Aria is giving her. "And not just to the Citadel. I don't know what we're in for, but I need all the help I can get and I don't have a lot of time! I'll pay you all however much you want once this mission is a success."

The commandos agree to come along. Shepard boards the Normandy with the group, her mind racing with what she plans to do. Find Aria and the commandos someplace to stay on the ship. Get to the Citadel. Bypass C-Sec authority. Get Aethyta out of jail. Go get Liara. The future comes to a halt after that; too many unknowns. Preparations are somewhere in between and then the Reapers' defeat.

Shepard goes to the helm, gripping onto the pilot seat. "Joker, change of plans. We're going back to the Citadel to get someone out of jail, and then we head straight to the Nubian Expanse. This person we're picking up is critical to the mission."

"You're sure, Commander?" asks Joker, plotting the course anyway. "I got word the Alliance is firing at the ship Liara's on. Cerberus sent in infiltration teams to help but we haven't heard back from them. All transmissions from the system they're in are being blocked. I can't get any live feeds!"

Shepard covers her eyes with one hand, gripping her temples. That bartender is too powerful to ignore. Her team suffered heavy losses during their suicide mission. _Miranda_… "That's an order, Joker!" she says, lifting her head. "I want a shuttle ready to take me to C-Sec headquarters directly! We get in, get this asari and get out! I need all the help I can get to make up for those we've lost."

"Aye, aye, ma'am," Joker replies, sighing. "But you sure do pick the weirdest times to start recruiting. Just a minute ago you were all for nothing keeping you from getting to Liara. And if we're talking about that asari who attacked you in broad daylight, she must really be something! You sure she didn't mess up your head when she, oh, I don't know, detonated the stasis bubble you were in and pretty much kicked your ass? That ring a bell?"

Aria frowns from behind Shepard, folding her arms. "I see your pilot really _is_ special after all," she says, mocking. "So what if Aethyta kicked your ass? That's part of her appeal. If she didn't, I wouldn't agree to go along with our little pit stop. If we're going to even _get _to little Liara and Liselle, we need the best."

"Special?" Joker turns around in his seat, glaring at Aria. "_Special? _Just who are you calling _special?"_

"The crippled man in the pilot seat who resorts to haughty jokes to cover for his cluelessness," she clarifies, still frowning, though her eyesight is set on EDI in the seat next to Joker. "Don't even bother trying to stand up to me. Wouldn't want you to break anything, now would we?" Aria ignores Joker's fuming; Shepard gives him a look, telling him to leave it alone. "What's that supposed to be?" she asks.

EDI rises from her seat, hands clasped behind her back as she regards Aria and the commandos. Shepard speaks for her, "This is EDI, the ship's…well, she _is _the ship. She's an unshackled AI." Aria surveys EDI's impartial expression with suspicious curiosity. "Just—think of her as part of the crew. Her intel and advice are invaluable to our operations. She can come with us if necessary."

"It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Aria," says EDI, appearing ignorant of Joker's glares in her direction. "I have collected several statistics surrounding the use of your name over the extranet; including the number of times an enemy of yours has made accusations about you to other anonymous readers in order to rally a resistance. None of these accusations have been convincing enough to provide the necessary momentum to take action against you."

Aria smiles. "Oh, really?" she asks, sounding intrigued. "You know, I'm always hearing rumors about a forum dedicated to spreading hate messages about me. One of my agents tried to sign up, but you need some kind of special pass to get in."

"I can hack the system in order to obtain the necessary authorization to access the forum, if you wish," EDI replies. "If you are concerned about Omega's safety while aboard the Normandy, I will gladly assist, in order to alleviate any anxiety you may have. I can also index any and all information I find on the registered members, moderators and administrators of the forum."

"I'd like that, actually," says Aria, smiling even more. EDI nods, returning to her seat. "That's some android you have there, Shepard," she comments, turning to the commander. "I almost wish I could keep her for myself. She'd be quite useful."

Miranda finally arrives to greet Aria and the commandos, taking the burden off Shepard to find them someplace to stay. Shepard watches Miranda go.

—

Per Aria's advice to bypass Citadel docking regulations, Shepard takes a shuttle directly to C-Sec headquarters through the service tunnels. Miranda is the only one with her, reassuring her they'll be able to get Aethyta out of jail with not only Shepard's Spectre authority, but also with the aid of Cerberus sleeper agents in C-Sec.

Shepard watches the way she speaks, the way she doesn't speak. Her body language is tighter today. Not once during this entire investigation has Miranda bothered to speak with the commander, one-on-one. Shepard knows she is paying more attention to Miranda's gestures than her words right now. Both tell such different stories. Juxtaposing them results in the disparate image before her: the professional Operative, the emotional woman…aloof frigidity. No daring, no boldness; no daring, bold passion. So unlike Liara.

"Commander, are you listening to me?" Miranda asks in a hurry, the way she always does when her mouth is too full with things she wants to say. "You look like you're…" She parts her lips to keep speaking. Only silence comes.

A smile, quite smug from Shepard, and she lets her thoughts pass. "I'm listening," she says, slow. "Keep going." Miranda's eyes have narrowed, and her hands clasp together. "By the way, if you're trying to hide something, it isn't working. Just thought I'd finally let you know."

Miranda stands to press a few buttons by the speakers on the wall. "I can also say the same about you." No eavesdropping—complete privacy. "So let's have it out, shall we? Permission to speak freely?"

"Granted, since I know you planned this," Shepard points out, watching Miranda lean against the window with her arms folded. "You think of everything—I know you do. Why the hell couldn't you just come see me in my cabin? Pull me aside in the mess hall? You've done nothing but tell me a bunch of shit I already know, things you're _supposed _to say as my XO."

"Shepard, you _know _Cerberus has surveillance cameras everywhere," Miranda insists. "I disabled the ones in here, but the Illusive Man sees and hears everything—everywhere. It's like he's watching his own little soap opera aboard the Normandy! And you expect me to speak freely in that type of environment? Besides, I didn't want to interrupt your grieving—"

"My _grieving?" _Shepard balks as she stands. "You think just because Liara's not here that I can't focus? That I can't think? That I can't do anything if she's not by my side? That everywhere I look, she's all I see?"

Miranda throws her hands in the air. "Oh, for God's sake, YES!" She doesn't dare flinch at Shepard's outraged expression. "If she didn't mean this much to you, you wouldn't devote so much of your time to finding her! I know for a fact that you've not slept, you've hardly eaten…"

"Do you think you're better for me?" asks Shepard, putting a hand on the window; pinning Miranda against the surface with proximity alone. Whispers of Liara's presence surround Shepard, almost fooling her. She searches Miranda's eyes, as defiant as her own; she sees Liara's eyes there, wide, in submission to her own. "Is that the case? Do you think I'm wasting my time and my emotions on her? You're so fucking perfect—surely you're more worthy of my affections than she is—"

Miranda turns her head away. "I'm not getting into this, Shepard," she breathes. "There's too much going on, _too much_. If it were anyone else, I would object to focusing on locating Liara. Once this is over, we need to focus on preparing for the Reaper invasion by any means necessary!"

"And right now," Shepard says, "that _means _answering my questions truthfully. Because no matter where we go or who we're up against, you're never going to know the outcome." Shepard presses two fingers to Miranda's jaw, making Miranda face her anew. She speaks from experience: "If you don't say what you need to say now, you might never get a second chance. Either I won't live to see another day, or I just won't give you the time of day. It's your decision."

One last turn from the shuttle, and they've arrived at C-Sec headquarters. Shepard waits a moment for Miranda to say something, anything. Her continued silence is signal enough for them to get moving.

—

While Miranda speaks to her sleeper agent contacts, Shepard is allowed inside a small room with a single light overhead. Shepard takes a seat at the table across from Aethyta. She observes the matriarch for a long moment, noting her relaxed posture, her calm expression. She looks at the biotic restraints over her wrists on the table. Maybe they're keeping Aethyta docile—Shepard expected rage.

"You're Liara's other parent?" she asks.

Aethyta nods. "Yeah, that's me," she says. "What's it to you?"

"She's alive," Shepard tells her, "and I'm on a rescue mission to save her. I know where she is. I'm here to get you out of this place. I want you to come with me."

"I'm getting all this mixed information, stuck in this hell hole," Aethyta admits. "For all I know, maybe I'm really not her father after all."

Shepard narrows her eyes—she has no room for uncertainty on her mission. "What makes you say that?"

Aethyta turns her palms face-up. "See these? I've killed thousands with 'em," she says. "Benezia claimed she found my power attractive. My strength, my fire, my devotion…then she goes and leaves me, high and dry… If my girl's still alive, then it's a miracle. I'm no miracle—she doesn't need me. Never did."

"You're telling me you'd pass up the chance to meet your daughter?" Shepard shakes her head when Aethyta offers no answer. "So you'd rather rot in jail for assaulting a former Alliance officer under _misinformed_ pretences?"

"I like your fire, Commander," Aethyta comments, turning her palms face-down to fidget against the table. "You're all she needs—I get that now. She must be damn important to you if you found her already. I gotta say I was biased back there on the Presidium. I had to listen to two years' worth of my girl going through it while you weren't around…since, you know, news travels fast back on Illium…" Shepard frowns at the visualization. "Sorry I attacked you."

Shepard waves it off. "I would have done the same thing. But now—right now—I need your help. With all due respect, I don't need you wallowing in self-pity! Your daughter needs you. _I _need you. If Liara decides she doesn't want you in her life, at least she can tell you to your face and you can stop assuming!" Aethyta looks away. Shepard slams a fist on the table, standing up. "If you make me waste any more time, I _will _leave you here and you're going to have a helluva time getting out! I'm doing you a favor when I should be out there _right now,_ saving her!"

A knock on the door—Miranda enters with two guards behind her. "Commander?" she asks, surveying the scene. "Everything's taken care of. Matriarch Aethyta is cleared for immediate release. Will she be joining us?"

Shepard scoffs, "It's her call." She walks away from the table, and to the door. "She can stay here or come with us if she wants. I won't lose sleep over it either way." She turns to face Aethyta. "But if I have to tell Liara you didn't want to do this, I already know she'll be disappointed. She'll be upset—maybe even offended. She'll act like it doesn't bother her, but I'll be able to tell. It'd be a self-fulfilling prophecy for you."

—

The Collector Base, in-tact, has been moved from the Collector homeworld beyond the Omega 4 Relay to the Qertassi system in the Nubian Expanse, stationed near the methane-ammonia ice giant Norehsa. Structural damage at the top of the base has left a large hole. Behind it is the massive star from Sha'ira's memory: brilliant white, expanding, dying. Alliance ships—damaged and scattered from their formation—have ceased fire on the base, firing distress signals in vain. All transmissions are still being blocked from leaving or entering the system.

"My girl's in there…" says Aethyta, standing just behind Joker's seat.

Aria's expression is a mix of apathy and anger. "And mine," she adds.

Shepard is too busy observing to join in the sentimentality. Her entire team is behind her, waiting for orders. "EDI," she says, tensing her jaw, "can you get any readings on the base or the Alliance ships? What's the situation on either?"

"Cerberus has successfully infiltrated the Fifth Fleet," EDI replies from her seat next to Joker, searching through incoming data at her control panel. "The commanding officers on each ship have been apprehended and are unable to issue orders. I am also reading unusual signatures from the Collector Base—the original ones have been modified since the base's relocation, though I am unable to specify exactly how at this time. It appears that the topmost chamber, where the structural damage is located, is storing vast amounts energy. I believe the base may even be removing energy from this system's sun, and using it to sustain power to its mass effect core."

"So we've got a hostage situation and impossible energy theft," Shepard summarizes, turning to Tali standing near the back of the group. "Haestrom's sun was dying at a faster rate because of what you thought was dark energy. Do you think something like this might be the case instead? Why would anyone do this?"

Tali weaves through the crowded hallway, making her way to Shepard's side. "I don't know," she says, shaking her head while she gets a better look at the scene. "You would need a significant amount of processing power to even be able to use all that energy. But the Collectors do have advanced technology…and EDI thinks the base is using the energy to maintain its altitude. With all that energy, if what we're seeing is even possible, the base must also be using it to power something else other than its mass effect core."

"Known signatures recognized," Legion states from behind Tali. "We have detected similarities in the Collector Base to the geth consensus. We hypothesize that the ship has been repurposed for further experimentation on asari subjects. Organic signatures mark: Gamayun Station; Project Demigoddess."

Shepard takes another look at the top part of the ship. She remembers those soldiers getting spaced, the biotics… Entering through there would be suicide. "What similarities are you talking about?" she asks. "And could you remind everyone else what your consensus is, so we're all clear?"

"Geth communicate through consensus," Legion says. "In organic terms, it is how we exchange ideas, thoughts, and viewpoints. All of our individual programs—all of our 'minds'—link together when we wish to speak with one another. In the time it has taken Creator Tali'Zorah to speculate on the energy's uses, we have decided that the internal architecture of the ship is a metaphysical representation of our consensus. We believe the interior design of the ship is now a model of many organic minds."

Miranda uses her omni-tool to view the new schematics of the Collector Base that Legion has shared with the crew. "That just upped the base's value," she comments. "I'm thinking the scientists managed to integrate Collector or even _Reaper_ technology into a hub. Connect each asari subject to the hub, network their minds with the collection of data from previous experiments, and you essentially have the ability to navigate their minds to collect even more data, including the ability to fully analyze the technology that made all of this possible. Legion is right—from what I understand, this sounds like a consensus _if_ the asari are able to communicate with each other this way. That doesn't explain the name of the project, however."

Shepard takes a moment to breathe and digest this information while her team speaks amongst themselves. _I only kept the ship for research…and now Liara's helping like she said she would. Only this is __**not**__ what I meant…not at all… This must be one of the projects the Illusive Man was close to terminating. _

"_I feel you, so close to me." _Liara's voice echoes, slithers; _"You always say you're willing to sacrifice whatever's necessary to get the job done. But is this sacrifice worth it? So many asari have lost their lives to reach this pinnacle of scientific discovery… Prothean, Collector and Reaper technology are all here at the disposal of anyone who wishes to have it. It could turn the tide in the upcoming war against the Reapers. But, Shepard…if I die here, would _my_ sacrifice be worth it?"_

"Alright, cut the chatter," Shepard orders, shaking her head. She sighs as her team settles down. "I want to be absolutely sure the Alliance won't fire on the Collector Base once we're aboard. And if there's Reaper tech at work on the base, I want as much information collected as possible." She turns to face the rest of the team, satisfied with the resolve present in all of them. "We'll all divide into three teams: one to board Alliance ships and pacify their crew, and two to board the Collector Base. All things considered, this shouldn't be another suicide mission."

"Shepard," EDI says, "I have detected an anomaly in the ship's internal architecture. There are minor similarities to anecdotal experiences described by those who were aboard the Reaper ship Sovereign. Because this organic consensus is heavily-based on Reaper technology, I suspect it is possible to become indoctrinated while aboard the ship." Shepard's heart drops. What if Liara and Liselle are indoctrinated? "That may explain why the Fifth Fleet has sustained some damage. The base's weapons are currently offline, but I am unable to give an estimate as to how long we can safely plan our strategy from a distance. I suggest haste."

Shepard surveys her crew one last time, making her decisions as she regards each one of them. This is all on her. "I need the diplomats among you to handle the Alliance," she says, nodding to Samara. "I'd appreciate you on the ship with me, but I want you to be in charge of negotiations there. Board Admiral Hackett's ship; get him safely aboard the Normandy. If the Alliance resists, or if Cerberus has a problem with it, you have permission to use force. Take the commandos with you. Tali, Jack: you're going, too."

Jack stares at Shepard in bewilderment. "What? _Me?_ Are you crazy, Shepard? I'm no diplomat!"

"No, but you're Subject Zero," Shepard reminds her, "the most feared human biotic in the galaxy. Your reputation has a way of speaking for itself." Jack nods her acquiescence. "EDI and Legion: you two shouldn't be able to be indoctrinated, so I want you to get inside the Collector Base and gather as much data as you possibly can. Be on the lookout for survivors. I need you to return here ASAP when I give the order. Miranda will if I'm unable—she'll stay here and talk me through things." And lastly: "Matriarch Aethyta and Aria will be with me. We'll navigate this consensus, see where it leads. Tali, I'd send you with EDI and Legion but I don't want to risk you getting indoctrinated."

"I understand, Shepard," Tali says. "Don't worry. I wouldn't want to risk it, either… If you want, I can look for what's jamming their distress signals and fix it. That should keep them calm."

"Good idea. Joker, find a way for my team to board the base and then get the second team to their stations. Let's get in, get who we need and get out of here before more of the Alliance shows up."

—

The inside of the Collector Base is no longer a collection of hives as Shepard remembers it. Organic minds have been networked. New paths have been superimposed over the original architecture: Thessian walkways, lakes and streams. The ground is Thessia, but the walls are bloody, dripping down into the water; coloring only certain streams to form a trail of blood. Shepard looks up, seeing an illusion of a dying sun at dusk in the horizon. She takes a few steps forward.

"Hold on!" Aethyta snatches Shepard by the arm, gaping at the commander. "Are you out of your mind? You're just gonna walk off the edge of a building like that? This is Illium!"

Before Shepard can question her, Aria walks a little ways ahead. "All I see is Omega. This is the main city where I raised Liselle. Upscale, but it doesn't try to fool anyone into thinking it's clean."

"And I'm seeing Thessia," Shepard says. "Whatever's going on here…I don't think it wants us to stay together."

Aethyta lets go of Shepard. The look on her face hasn't changed. "You heard what the AI said," she reminds them. "There's Reaper tech all over the place. If we get indoctrinated, it's game over. Especially if we're separated."

"I didn't think you'd be one to scare so easily," remarks Aria, walking back to the group. "But, you do have a point. I can see a trail of dead thugs. If what you're saying is true, it wouldn't be wise for us to go off on our own."

"_Shepard," _Miranda says via radio, _"I've downloaded the base's layout and forwarded it to your omni-tools. There are still blockades in front of the most expedient paths. Only they're…quite different than what we're used to seeing. I highly recommend following the same path you took with your teams on our first visit. I'll highlight it for you."_

"That's damn weird," Aethyta says as she glances between Aria and Shepard. "Walking over thin air…_and_ it's starting to rain." She looks up. Shepard sees the rain falling over Aethyta's head, but she and Aria are both unaffected. "So much for a consensus! This ain't nothing like what the two of you can see."

Shepard nods to Aria. "You take point," she says. "Your surroundings probably look more stable than ours." She offers her arm to Liara's father. "I know you have your biotics and everything, but hold onto me just in case." Aria looks back at them, smiling at Aethyta's surprise. "We need to stick together."

Aethyta accepts Shepard's aid without comment, and the three of them continue onward. Shepard regards Aethyta every so often, watching her look down from time to time. Aria walks as though the path before her is nothing out of the ordinary. Shepard can see and hear the lake she's walking over, with water splashing under her feet as though this were a puddle. She hears the laughter of children.

"_Bow down to me. Bare your soul to me. Be me—make love to my mind, make me forget this amplification."_

"Do as the lady wishes," says a disembodied voice—male, sinister, vague. Aria continues on without stopping. Aethyta has not tightened her grip on Shepard's arm. Shepard takes a deep breath—the chasm in her chest is more pronounced. "You're lucky. Most people only get one chance with the one they truly love. What happens when you keep failing? How many chances do you think you'll have until she finally realizes she's better off without you?"

Shepard tenses her jaw. She keeps her mind clear as she sets her eyes on the horizon as Aria makes twists and turns in her path, ever following the trail of blood in Thessia's water that they cannot see. As they follow the trail upstream, up a hill, the horizon beyond bleeds from yellow to orange; from orange, to red. Shepard must focus on her surroundings, on Aria's swagger as she walks; on Aethyta's arm in hers. If she focuses on Aria enough, she can see glimpses of her path on Omega.

When she tries to recall the sound of Liara's voice in her mind, she stops herself moments later. This isn't the time. Liara isn't going to come to her here. She has to go to her.

"_I looked up your history, Commander. You sacrificed your entire squad on Torfan and came out victorious in the end. That must have been grueling for you. I admit I wondered about the implications of your actions…"_

The trail evolves into a path of dead bodies. That of her old squad, and others she killed on Torfan—all faceless. There are other, younger bodies mixed in. An idea of them, at least: the people she killed years ago when she was in her gang. Farther down the path, she sees geth begin to blend. Asari, turian, krogan, salarian, rachni, Thorian, Reaper corpses—all encased in anecdotal whispers or visual memories of their deaths. They all seemed like such a threat at the time. Their sacrifice amounted to her survival.

"Take one long look at your friends," says the man. Shepard does so without meaning to; Aria's outline is highlighted, Aethyta's closeness closes in on her. "Because this is the last time you'll ever see them." They both disappear in the darkness of sudden night. Camouflaged, as it were; had Shepard given in to the instructions, she would not notice Aethyta's arm still in hers, or the faint glimmer of Aria's outline in front of her. "They are not worthy to share your path, Commander Shepard. Powerful asari as they may be, the Goddess has chosen you and you alone."

Shepard stops herself when she feels the ground beneath her rise, as if taking off into the atmosphere. Aria's outline is still in front of her, Aethyta is still with her. She can't see anything except for what appears to be stars overhead. As she continues to ascend, the stars get larger; clearer. Despite the speed, there is still a ways to go.

"It's pointless to hold onto them," the man continues. "You would do anything to make sure she lives. Why not grow violent, kill? You've done that already. All that's left to do is wipe out anyone that could take her precious soul away from you. Your trust in people is misplaced."

Miranda's voice sounds in her ear: _"Shepard? Shepard! Is everything alright? Are you still with me?"_

Shepard buries her instinctive rage at hearing Miranda's voice at such a time. "Yeah…I'm alright. I'm doing my best to not let all the smoke and mirrors get to me. But I think I get why the Reapers claim they can ascend organics to their genetic destiny."

There is a pause before Miranda asks, _"Why's that?"_

"Because it's only after we've ascended that we know their weakness," Shepard says, looking up to the stars. "It's only after we've died that we understand what killed us…only after we've killed someone that we understand what we could have done differently." There is a large, luminescent star in the very center. Shepard focuses on it, awash with a new perspective. "The cycle keeps happening because no one can think outside the box once they're pressed against the wall. Our limitations shouldn't hold us back…they should pave the way for new ways to strike at the enemy. If we fail, then the next cycle gets their chance. Only they can't learn from our mistakes if we're completely wiped out."

"_I get what you're saying," _Miranda says, _"but what exactly do you mean, 'new ways'? Are you saying you know a way we'll be able to defeat the Reapers?"_

Shepard gives a dry laugh just before the images above become clear. "We all have our parts to play, Miranda. When I learn more from this place, maybe I'll tell you what your role is. You probably already know what it is, anyway."

"_What? Shepard, you're speaking nonsense!" _Miranda sounds to be pacing around, worried. _"Please tell me you're not under the influence! You have to stay with me… The galaxy needs you! Humanity needs you…" _Another pause, and then: _"Liara needs you."_

The makeshift elevator stops, and the chamber is illuminated: Shepard, Aria and Aethyta are surrounded by hundreds of thousands of asari in hives along the walls. Behind them is a labyrinth of walls fashioned like those of the original architecture of the base. And before them is the Proto-Human Reaper, inactive, hanging anew from the wall as if crucified. There is damage in the ceiling just above its head, showing the topmost chamber lit by the massive star from earlier. EDI and Legion are on either side of the room, having been collecting data until Shepard's arrival. Shepard regards them with suspicion—how did they get here before her?

"Shepard-Commander," Legion greets her, walking over to the group. "We have acquired data on these pods. The asari appear to be dormant. All inhabitants possess signs of Reaper indoctrination."

Aria puts a hand on her hip, looking around the chamber. "Is my daughter here?" she asks. "Tell me she's not in one of these…_things."_

"Liselle was residing in one of the antechambers," EDI replies, pointing to an exit on the far side of the room. "We have safely relocated her aboard the Normandy. These asari all appear to be part of a sequence of experiments. Had we arrived mere hours later, it is possible she may have been moved to this area of the base."

Aethyta speaks up for Shepard: "And…Liara?"

Legion points to the chamber above the Proto-Human Reaper. "She is safe. We hypothesize Dr. T'Soni is a puppet for the base's mass effect core and weapons systems. All activity within corresponds to a powerful mass effect field generated overhead. These asari, however, are independent, though they are each connected to the Proto-Human Old Machine. Justification is unknown at this time."

"Well isn't this lovely?" Aria comments in disgust, folding her arms. "Is this what the Illusive Man planned to do until his little sidekick stepped in and stole the show? He didn't even need Omega's resources to move this place beyond the relay. He wanted all the asari who live there."

"That is an accurate assumption," EDI supplies. "These asari appear to have all been moved from Sanctuary over the course of several years. The Illusive Man would not make such plans in secret without substantial rationalization."

Whether this is an illusion or not, Shepard must ask: "What have you found here? Is there anything you can tell us about this project? Why it's evolved to this extreme? What were Cerberus and the Alliance trying to prove?"

Several pods open, giving way to visible faces along the walls. A symphony of pained asari voices speak: _"That we are the genetic destiny of you humans, not the Reapers," _they answer. Shepard looks around above her head, seeing more and more heads emerge. _"Cerberus believes in the advancement of the human race, and will sacrifice whatever is necessary to achieve it, including its existing soul. The Alliance wishes to unite all as one to protect humanity. Advance humans with sacrifice—unite them under conservatism to protect. An impossible alliance, forged for selfish reasons, broken at the first sign of trouble. This should not be treated as any ordinary relationship, or the cycle will never break. If our sacrifice is to amount to the goal, the promise must be restored and kept."_

Shepard notes she has yet to let go of Aethyta's arm this entire time. Liara's father stares at her, trying to make sense of all this. Aria, EDI and Legion are also regarding her. All heads in the room are looking at her.

"A second chance, you mean," she says, thinking back to Liara. "If I could make Cerberus and the Alliance truly work together, your sacrifice will be worth it. And the cycle will finally end…" Even as she says the words, Shepard does not believe them. They are rooted in theory. They are entrenched in _madness_. "But this is all a contradiction. Humans can never become asari, no matter how much we evolve. We're two different species… This doesn't make any sense!"

"_Not the asari as a species," _they reply, _"but we, as an idea, are superior to Cerberus. Cerberus is an idea that is inferior to the species they envy. Envy channels mimicry. Mimicry leads to understanding. Understanding leads to destruction or dominance, once the subject's weakness is manifest. Our weakness is our trust, our diplomacy, our democracy. Humanity has taken what it wants from us: our essence, our souls; the very architecture of our minds! The Goddess willed this, and has bestowed them upon you, for we were not strong enough to keep our secrets. And once a true alliance is forged, hope may pave the way for the beginning of the end. Shepard: your one true alliance is the galaxy's demigoddess. Worship her, follow her, and you will succeed in all your impossible endeavors."_

_No more second chances._

_The banshees are returning en masse. No one can save you this time._

The entire chamber begins to shake as glass breaks and hails from above. Aria is the first to react with a powerful biotic sphere, shielding the group just in time. Aethyta finally lets go of Shepard to reinforce Aria's barrier. The Proto-Human Reaper's eyes light up, but it is otherwise motionless. Shepard readies her Widow, unafraid this time when she hears those familiar wails filling the chamber.

The voices thin as, one-by-one, the asari begin to change into their Reaper form. Shepard's mind races ahead to figure out the consequences of each scenario she can think of with the situation. _"Unite until your strengths and weaknesses blend," _they warn over the sounds of shrill shrieks. _"Fortify your minds. Indoctrinate your enemies until they bend to your will. And when they beg for a second chance, revel in the glory the Goddess has given you." _Shepard looks up to the chamber overhead, seeing an outline of another figure. The only way up is behind her—through the labyrinth._ "We were too selfish to share ourselves in such a way. We kept our superiority between us, between our daughters, locked away from the galaxy. And now it has been forcibly taken from us. Our instincts tell us to fight back, though the gods know of our defeat. We are as barbaric as humans—we will not accept it, thus we act barbarically."_

_A beautiful contradiction._

_You have to do this alone. This is your path._

Shepard scowls at the truth of the matter. Now isn't the time. "Everyone, get out of here!" she yells, gesturing to the exit. "Get back on the ship! I'll get Liara! Have Joker get the Normandy above the broken chamber and get us out!" Before Aria can open her mouth, Shepard shouts her down. "You're part of my team now, so that's an order! Now get the hell out of my sight!"

Shepard runs to the entrance of the labyrinth just as the others take off in the other direction. Of a sudden, that man's words ring true. The moment she accepts them—him—she hears that childish laughter again. A mirage of Liara's child-like form is running ahead of her, looking back every so often.

The sprint through the sudden turns is an uphill one, becoming steeper and steeper as she continues to follow Liara. She ignores the burning in her thighs as she keeps on. An undeniable tone to these thrusts of her legs: that Liara is running away because she doesn't want to trust her. Shepard knows that Liara is special, precious, and intelligent beyond measure. Her importance to Shepard has been magnified and superimposed over that of the galaxy and its very survival. Everyone ignored her because of her youth; the matriarchs didn't care for her research; no one wanted to pay attention to the hermit scientist, but Shepard understood—understands. Everyone ignored Shepard because of her youth; the Council didn't care for her evidence; no one wanted to pay attention to a ruthless realist that had the power to shatter their idyllic worlds where the Reapers do not and cannot exist.

Liara trusted her once. Shepard proved her wrong, that her intelligence must be flawed; that she really is not so flawless as her soul believes her to be. Running through these reasons to trust Shepard again.

Banshees continue after Shepard, catching up to her. They teleport ahead to block her path. She fires at them from the hip at a vital point to stagger them so she can pass. Over and over she must do this, steadily running out of ammo. She cloaks as much as she can, to breathe in this haze of movement. She must run faster, or trust Liara to help her avoid them; both. The twists and turns don't dare slow her down.

Liara grows as she progresses. Not once does she lead Shepard astray. Shepard knows the end is near—the banshees give up their chase sooner than she expected. She can see that brilliant star serving as a ceiling to this chamber. Liara has slowed to a walk, waiting in the center of the damaged room underneath a support structure.

Shepard adjusts her breather helmet as she walks ahead, slow, with low gravity. When she stops focusing on the mirage and looks up, she can no longer feel her legs. The pillar at the center of the chamber is surrounded by a mass effect field. In the center of that field is a woman, in a standing position, hands held out before her; palms facing upward.

When she opens her crystalline eyes, that voice is undeniable: "Shepard…" Such déjà vu of Therum.

"That's right," says the voice from earlier. "This is Project Demigoddess." Shepard's eyes dart to where Liara's mirage once was, seeing a figure uncloak and approach her. "An attempt to gain influence over the Reapers by joining asari minds with the Proto-Human Reaper you saw earlier. The project is a success: with enough mental energy and concentration, it is possible to turn the Reapers' indoctrination methods against them." She grips her Widow so hard, her hands begin to shake. "It's a pleasure to finally make your acquaintance, Commander." An all-black uniform—Cerberus insignia—and that sword. "I've heard so much about you. I'd hoped we would meet under different circumstances, but this will have to do."

Shepard aims her sniper rifle at the man without thinking. Kai Leng. "I know who you are," she says, teasing the trigger. "And I'm not giving you the opportunity to gloat about what you did here before I kill you. This ends now!" She makes the mistake of looking up at Liara. "After I kill him, I'm getting you out of here!"

Leng cloaks and jumps away before Shepard can pull the trigger. "No," he says, sounding as though he's all around her. "Even if you kill me, I still have other plans in motion. Nothing will stop them, not even my death. Now's not the time for me to die." Liara's mass effect field begins to glow red, shielding her from view. Shepard hears the far-off sounds of guns and Thanix missiles being fired. "The Alliance wants this promise to end. They don't care if they kill the two of you. As we speak, they're trying to fire at this base again. Liara's protecting you by firing back. I've done nothing wrong."

"That's bullshit!" she shouts back, searching through her scope for a way to disable the field. "She didn't ask you to hook her up to Reaper tech in the first place! If this is about defeating the Reapers, you're insane! This is just madness with no logic whatsoever! We shouldn't have to sacrifice who or _what _we are to beat them!"

He appears in the center of her scope, surprising her out of the view. "And that's where you're wrong," Leng tells her, spinning his sword before cloaking again. "You don't really want to kill me, or the Reapers. All you care about is keeping Liara safe. I envy your devotion." Shepard goes back to searching through her scope, paying attention to the pillar. "But without sacrifice, progress can't be made."

Shepard sighs in irritation. "You sound like the Illusive Man," she points out, noticing a small power conduit just centimeters above where she remembers Liara's head was. "I heard you stole all this from him. Couldn't even find a way to do it on your own. Is that your definition of sacrifice?"

Liara is visible once more. The key to her freedom is indeed right above her head.

"Before you free her," says Leng, "let me ask you this: does the name Gavin Archer sound familiar to you?"

"No," she replies, gritting her teeth. Liara stares down at her in worry. "It doesn't." Shepard's heart is fit to burst with rage, relief, redemption—had she not seen all those dead bodies earlier, she would have found a way to kill this man long ago. "What does he have to do with anything?"

Kai Leng's voice sounds distant again, growing ever more as he speaks on: "Everything," he says. "He is in charge of this project. I am one of the backers. Someone very close to Miss Lawson is another generous supplier. Since you're here, I assume our fun is over. Find him if you want the rest of your answers. He'll prove that I'm right and you're wrong. You _will_ follow us if your relationship is all that matters to you. You can't defeat the Reapers the way you are now. So shielded, so guarded. Unless you let your devotion take over your soul, your cold logic and utilitarianism will forever hold you back. As you are now, you're nothing but a shell of weakness that the Reapers will easily harvest."

Sound becomes subdued; time dilates in time with her rapid heartbeats. Through the scope, she sees Liara mouth those three words, and her purpose falters. Shepard knows what she must do; it's her _reason _that leaves her as she takes the shot.


	10. Lair of the Shadow Broker

**Note. **Hey all. I know I don't leave notes very often, and I'm not a very talkative person, but I felt the need to say a few words now in case I decide to forego notes for a while. And a big thank you to everyone who's taken the time to review each and every chapter for me, getting caught up. I appreciate it. Thank you to everyone else for keeping up with the story.

First off, I should mention that I've devised a specific way to defeat the Reapers that in fact does NOT involve throwing a certain color of space magic at them and subsequently destroying/ignoring the lore of the series. Conventional warfare also does not fully describe my solution, though it is a crucial aspect.

Second,** this fic ignores the Crucible/Catalyst** (as in the Citadel being a major component in the way it is presented in ME3).

Third, as the story progresses, I will also have the characters develop a deeper understanding of the way indoctrination works. I will not simply say someone in my story is indoctrinated for the sake of justifying them acting like a douchebag. I take the concept seriously here; I won't throw something like that around. _An insidious means of corrupting the mind _is not enough for the scope of my fic.

Lastly, though this is a metaphysical story, I will make the explanations of concepts as _real _as possible for maximum understanding. (Perhaps not right away. I enjoy my cliffhangers if you've not noticed.) Philosophy is a hobby of mine, but I won't force all the complicated jargon and its convoluted way of thinking on you all. The story's concept is rooted in philosophy/metaphysics, but will not be presented in a confusing fashion for those who aren't experts with the subject. If you wish to have philosophical debates about story arcs you'll read in future chapters, feel free to PM me.

—

_**X. **Lair of the Shadow Broker_

_To internalize is simple. To express is difficult. It is simplest to be passive and hold on. To act and let go—that's not what Shepard trained for. Liara has yet to understand this._

A shot from Shepard's Widow goes straight through the pillar, but Liara does not fall from her imposed grace. The material explodes from the point of impact outward, acting as a chain reaction to set fire to the chambers below. The entire base is shaken with the beginnings of destruction. Liara is static in her mass effect field, outlined by the luminescence of the dying star behind her. Her head throbs with a migraine so severe it would have severed her long ago had she not waited for this moment.

Liara watches Shepard stumble over the unsteady surface below.

Liara watches Shepard approach her, falling over.

Liara cannot hear anything, only the sounds of her own mind. _Screaming_. Her expression, statuesque. Unwanted energy has amplified her anguishes, her every regret, her every longing.

Shepard has no way of freeing her from this motionlessness, for it is self-imposed. Liara stays here, addicted to the possibilities before her. Possibilities of perhaps moving, one day, not now; maybe some other time when her energy transfers to her will to leave this place. So much power she possesses and it is all so that she will stay chained to this frozen reality. The pain in her head is not so pronounced if she rids herself of all thought, all motivation.

Liara expects Shepard to scream and shout that they need to leave, as she does now. To try and reach her, only to be thrown off balance by the explosions beneath her feet. _This base is going to blow up any minute, _she says. _We need to get out of here. _The predictable words sound hollow. They do nothing to make this inaction stop.

"Shepard…" is all she can say, though she knows—somewhere—she wants to say more. In her heart, that name burns as sticks of incense do, letting off an aroma so distinct and recognizable. That burning is blocked from igniting what she needs in order to react. "I can't…" Liara wants, hates, needs the freedom Shepard can give her. "Leave now…leave while you still can… You can't…make me go with you. Not like this… If you try…I heard him say…this energy will transfer to you…I don't know how much…" Liara winces as her migraine stabs white-hot pain anew. "I won't allow you to be in this pain…even if it is to free me."

Shepard's face falls. Liara watches her look down, the barrel of her sniper rifle edging along the ground. When Shepard approaches her, Liara feels the focus, the helpless determination there in her regard. With their surroundings being blown to pieces bit by bit, Shepard keeps her head raised to Liara as she gets down on bended knee.

The gesture alone unshackles Liara's hands and arms from their invisible chains.

"Why are you in so much pain, Liara?" asks Shepard, her tone brimming with an earnest worry Liara has never heard in her before. "What did those people do to you? What…what are you?"

The question makes Liara feel her own weight again, a little at a time.

"I'm everything I thought I always wanted to be," she replies, feeling the truth escape as a rivulet down her face. "I'm the wish of a dead species. Planets that once belonged to the Protheans have been swallowed by the star behind me. Their history, their memory have been converted to energy. I'm…this is unnatural. It's…easier not to think."

"Can you make sense of the energy? Is there anything…_anything_ I can do to change your mind?"

Liara's surprise with Shepard's behavior lowers her from the mass effect field a little more.

"I can't make sense of it…only pain." Liara knows the impossibility of the situation; "I can't do this on my own. You're not an asari, Shepard…you can't make my mind relax. You can't take this pain away from me. Goddess, how I wish you could…" _Bow down to me. Bare your soul to me. Be me—make love to my mind, make me forget this amplification. _Those words have repeated themselves over and over. Shepard can't, she can't, she's unable, it's impossible—

_A familiar essence wraps around Liara's mind, comforting, quelling. She still sees the image of Shepard kneeling before her, but without her helmet. The brilliance of her eyes in this light soothes, suppresses Liara's pain. Shepard's cycle of ruthlessness bares an exception just for Liara; she feels herself falling, gliding. Even in this destruction, Shepard stands to catch her, carry her with understanding softer than she would ever show to anyone else. _

_All else is forgotten. Shepard's tenderness manipulates Liara's reluctance to feel again. That Shepard possesses such power to do the impossible ignites Liara to the core as she is saved, drifting to the light overhead._

—

"…know I hate doctors, right?"

"Don't be so grumpy, Commander. It's only a brief check-up. I'm amazed you've not shown any abnormalities. How exactly did you manage to free Liara without any consequences?"

"I got her to relax…let me take her pain away. EDI said my implant is based on technology the Collectors gave to Cerberus in exchange for intel over the years…which would explain why the Illusive Man knows so much about them. I don't know whether to call him a bastard or a genius for what he did."

"How curious…I'm not finding anything strange at all. No unusual brain activity, no mutations of any sort."

"What about Liara? Are you sure she's alright?"

"Yes, Commander, she only needs to rest. I did notice she'd been experiencing something of a powerful migraine during her…_time_ on the Collector Base. As it stands now, it's nothing to worry about. Still, I highly recommend the both of you coming to see me from time to time. We can breathe freely for now, though I fear this may grow into something to be concerned about."

"…what makes you say that?"

"This isn't based on any factual evidence. Please understand—it's only a feeling I have. It's safe to assume Kai Leng wanted you to do this. We don't know enough about the project to fully grasp what's happened. You'll need to speak with the scientist he mentioned—Dr. Gavin Archer."

"Miranda told me the chances of finding him are slim-to-none. He's on the run from Cerberus."

"If I were you, I would dedicate time to finding him. I would hate to think what would happen to the two of you if we didn't have enough information to prevent it. Cerberus may not be able to help you, but you must have other resources…"

Liara drifts back to sleep.

She dreams of quick images, explicit in their intensity. They sliver to every part of her body, thinking as she rests, animating her to stay still in her submission. She feels Shepard next to her, lying with her. The pressure from Shepard's body is real, ethereal. They float together on a plain, on a high, weaving through architecture closing in.

She sees a man with a masked face and dark hair—outlined in fire in a wooden room. Matriarch Benezia stands next to him, her clothes covered in snow as she beckons Liara toward her.

Liara's mind bends to accept what the image says. Her heart wrenches in denial, her throat wants to scream. She can't put words to anything in this state. The moment she feels herself calling out to Shepard, the images are obliterated.

Shepard holds her through her confused emotions, unyielding. Shepard stays; refusing to flee from Liara's hardened dispassion.

—

When Liara wakes again, she feels Shepard lying with her in the med bay. Dr. Chakwas has retired to the crew's quarters; the lights in the room and mess hall have dimmed. Such limited space on this bed, and Shepard lies with her anyway. Liara feels Shepard breathing against the crook of her neck, fast asleep as she holds her. Liara is still in her same coat. She sees the Locust SMG Shepard gave her on a nearby bed.

The door opens with a visitor sooner than she'd have liked. This _visitor _is also one of the last people Liara wants to see.

"You're awake," Miranda observes. Liara glowers at her. "I'm surprised you're up so soon. You were only out for a few hours. After what you've been exposed to, I'd have thought—"

Liara decides to get to the point, "What do you want from me, Miranda?"

Miranda frowns, moving to lean against the desk. "There's no need to feel as though I'm invading," she says. "Not anymore, at least…" A pause; "I'm leaving."

"To where?" asks Liara, airy in her tone.

"I don't exactly know where my search will lead me," Miranda admits. "All I know is that I'll be looking for my father. Kai Leng said the two of them were responsible for backing Project Demigoddess. I need answers—as do you."

Liara feels her face contorting in anger without her consent. "I don't need you to do me any favors," she says. "If you must do this—fine, be my guest. I advise against having any noble agendas related to me."

"This isn't about you," Miranda snaps back. "My father has done _nothing_ but cause me endless torment ever since I was old enough to know better. Now that I've heard he's had his hand in all this, he must know something more we can use. I can't just sit around and wait while he's still out there, possibly plotting something even more unforgivable."

Liara shakes her head. "You know just as well as I do," she says, "that the main reason you're doing this is because you feel useless here. Shepard doesn't need you. You had no place in the last mission." Miranda is about to cut in with an objection, until Liara adds: "I don't need to have been around to know. The truth is clear to me. You want everyone to adore and admire you for your skills. And now that your usefulness has run out, you yourself feel the need to run. How fitting."

Miranda looks down to Shepard still sleeping, sound. After a few moments, she tells Liara, "She hasn't had a proper rest in weeks. It's no wonder she hasn't woken up by now and shouted at us both for disturbing her…"

"So I was right," Liara states. "You did that on purpose. Back on Horizon…after Samara was knocked unconscious." Miranda's eyes stay on Shepard's sleeping form, her expression unchanging. "You let Kai Leng take me away, didn't you?" Shepard stirs, still sleeping on. Liara breathes in the worn scent of Shepard's hair, of having spent too much time with her helmet on. "You knew the chances of finding that base were slim-to-none. I don't know how she did it, but she outwitted you. She found me. You didn't want her to. You thought you could…_replace_ me, given enough time had passed."

Miranda smiles at Shepard. "You're correct."

Liara scowls so deep it hurts to think about changing her regard of this woman.

"It was bound to happen," Miranda continues on, stroking Shepard's skin with her eyes alone. "She's so ruthless, so tyrannical when it comes to you. She would sacrifice the entire galaxy if it meant the two of you could stand alone and uncontested in the end. There's no doubt in my mind. I've always said I had the utmost respect for her abilities." She shifts her sight to stare at Liara, unfeeling of a sudden. "It's her motivations that concern me."

Try as she might, Liara cannot burn the coldness there in Miranda's eyes with her ire alone. When Miranda has the audacity to approach Shepard, appearing to bend down to kiss her, Liara rises from bed without a second thought. She grabs her Locust from the bed, gripping the handle as she points it at Miranda.

"You won't," says Miranda, not bothering to look Liara in the eye.

"How dare you…" Liara's voice is low, shaking. So full of hatred, the breed she thought had died with the Shadow Broker. "I knew you were jealous…but _this? _This is unacceptable!"

With Liara's raised voice, Shepard awakens to the scene. She is disoriented for mere seconds before her eyes widen. Shepard bolts to her feet, restraining Liara straightaway. "What the _fuck _are you doing?" she shouts against Liara's struggling. "Pointing a gun straight at Miranda—what—_why? _Are you insane?"

The way Shepard grabs her, using her body against her inebriates Liara from using her full strength to try and break free. "You're blind!" Liara shouts back. "How could you defend her?" Even through arousal, Liara refuses to excuse Shepard's incompetence. "She's tricked you, gotten under your skin!" Such surprise with herself, when Liara almost snarls, "What the _hell_ have you two done while I was gone?"

"Nothing, Liara! Nothing!" Shepard wrestles Liara down to the same bed, keeping her pinned there. "I searched for you, for a way to find you every damn minute you were gone!" Liara keeps squirming—not in defiance, but from continued stimulation. Shepard's breath against her skin is welcome—unwelcome right now. "You know I'm not thinking about her like that! What's gotten into you?"

"You're _defending_ her, taking her side over mine when she…she…" Liara stops to breathe, feeling Shepard heaving with all of her weight over her. The earnestness in Shepard's eyes gives Liara the will to tell her, "She let Kai Leng and those creatures take me away from you. Samara had been knocked out. Miranda was perfectly capable of using her powers to stop them…only she didn't."

And of course, Shepard asks in disbelief, "Why would she do that?"

Liara's blood boils. "How could you even ask…" Words elude her. She pushes Shepard off of her. "How could you even fix your mouth to say that to me when you _know_ better!"

Shepard jerks her head back in offense. "I can ask you the same damn thing! Where is this coming from? That argument you two had back on Horizon? You're deluded, out of your _fucking_ mind, Liara! Miranda wouldn't—"

Liara slaps Shepard.

"…Goddess," Liara growls as she sits up, staring at Shepard's bewilderment with her turned head frozen in place; "I'm sorry. That was unnecessary. I shouldn't have done that… It's nothing like me, I…"

During the confusion, Miranda left without being detected. Shepard continues to stare off to the side, her face having solidified to seriousness. Liara watches her still, anticipating her rage. No one steps out of line with Shepard and gets away with it. Liara knows her emotional state is no excuse.

Shepard rubs her face a moment before turning to regard Liara. The shadows in the room sculpt her features with an unreadable tone.

"You know what, Liara…?" begins Shepard, kneeling down before Liara once more. "I deserved that." Shepard lowers her head to Liara's lap, resting it there. "I mean it." Liara's eyes widen through her absent-minded combing through the length of Shepard's hair. "I should have told you the whole story about her, back when you first asked me on the Shadow Broker's ship. Maybe then…well…"

"I didn't expect you to tell me everything," Liara admits, relieved that Shepard has subdued herself.

Shepard nods against the warmth of Liara's thighs. "I know," she says, holding Liara about her waist. "We're on our way back there now, to Hagalaz. I had Joker set a course there while you were asleep. We should almost be there. We can…talk, without anyone eavesdropping."

"I'd like that," Liara tells her. "For what it's worth, I'm still sorry. I don't deserve your understanding…" She looks out the window, seeing Miranda leave with her things on the way to the elevator. "I was…emotional, and shocked." When Miranda doesn't make eye contact on her way out, Liara wonders if she really told her the truth about what she did. "I don't know why I expected you to just believe me."

But a moment passes before Shepard stands, pressing her body over Liara's as she goes. "I'm the one who should be sorry," Shepard breathes, her lips so near Liara's, caressing her crest. Liara arches into her, letting Shepard lie her down on the bed. "I don't know how I managed to go that long without you."

Shepard's words breathe Liara in. Her lips are as Liara remembers them: ravenous in their eagerness to please. To feel Shepard's weight against her in such a way, as such a thick reflection of her amplified longings. Every knot in her limbs, Shepard undoes each of them with her touch. Forceful, limber. Shepard's mouth presses against Liara's, begging for further entry, trembling as she touches down her body. With every hitch of Liara's breath, Shepard undoes another buckle of her coat.

Shepard's speed picks up, her vigor. Liara obliges, gripping onto her as she feels her body becoming exposed to the draft in the room. Her hands shake as she digs her fingertips along Shepard's clothed back. Liara's breath hitches more than she means; her heart trembles with an ineffable need. Shepard is here—_right here_—and still Liara feels her too far away.

She must sense the tremors. "Liara," Shepard murmurs against her ear. Liara shivers in response—that baritone Shepard possesses: irresistible. "You're nervous?"

"No…" Liara tries, but even her voice sounds too distant. "No!" she tries again, shaking her head. Shepard regards her with worry. "I just… Shepard, I don't know how to explain this."

"Do you not want our first time to be in the med bay?" she asks instead. Liara turns her head away, resting it against the rustled sheets. Shepard grimaces. "Of course you don't…"

Liara wants to reassure her that their location is unimportant, until she notices the look on Shepard's face as she stares out the window. Liara moves her head so that she has an upside-down view of Aria in the mess hall, smirking and waving at them with a bubbling bottle of champagne in her hand.

There is another asari with her, smirking just as much. That's…

"Shepard!" Liara exclaims, hurrying to cover herself. Shepard looks around in a panic. "That other asari out there—she's—_Goddess, _what is she doing here? How did she get here? _Why?"_

Shepard removes herself from Liara, watching her scramble about to fix her coat. "I take it you know her relation to you," she says, rubbing the back of her head. She closes the blinds to the windows. "Guess I should've done that sooner, huh? And, well…she and I bumped into each other on the Citadel. I thought you'd want to meet her."

"_Meet her?" _Liara echoes, nearly clothed; "That woman was hired by the asari government to track my movements. For all I know, she's here to spy on me some more before she tells the matriarchs that I overreact to Cerberus operatives and have sex in public areas." Shepard watches Liara stand up, running a hand over her scalp with her other hand on her hip. Liara shakes her head. "I'm overreacting again, aren't I?" she asks.

"We didn't have sex," Shepard points out, "so, yeah, I think you're overreacting."

Liara smiles. "I didn't think that would be at the forefront of your mind."

"Ladies, ladies!" exclaims Aethyta as she and Aria enter the room, both holding cups of champagne. "You just _had _to go and close the blinds, now did you? Aria and I wondered how long it'd take you two to notice we were standing right outside having a laugh over the two of you."

Liara turns around to bury her head in Shepard's chest. Shepard holds her, glaring at their intruders. "I know," says Aria before taking a sip of her drink. "It looked like you two were into it. I'm surprised you stopped."

"What?" Shepard asks, glaring even more. "You mean to tell me you two would have kept watching if we hadn't stopped?" Aria shrugs, taking another sip. Aethyta whistles. "That's sick! Matriarch Aethyta—especially you. All due respect, but seriously…"

Aethyta waves a dismissive hand at Shepard. "Oh, don't get started with all that respect bullcrap. The only reason you're being all polite is because of this one here." She nods her head in Liara's direction. "Looks like the kid's too spooked to even say hello. I don't blame her."

Liara turns just enough to regard Aethyta. "Tell me…why are you here? I thought you'd have lost track of me by now."

"Nah, I didn't lose you," replies Aethyta, raising her drink to Shepard. "Sure thought I did for a while there. Almost tore your girlfriend apart when I heard you were dead." Liara looks at Shepard—their frowns lessen, somewhat. "C-Sec didn't like that, so they threw me in the slammer for a while. Then she comes back outta nowhere and gets me out to help save you. Didn't take much convincing—she's a _real_ charmer."

Aria lets out a small laugh at that. "Please," she scoffs, "Shepard has about as much charm as any other military officer. She knows how to shout people down and degrade them until she gets her way." She, too, raises her glass to Shepard. "I can appreciate that."

Liara steps away from Shepard, surveying Aethyta with lidded eyes. "Aria, Shepard—could the two of you give us a moment?" They abide by her wishes—Shepard rubs Liara's shoulder before she goes. When the door closes behind them, Aethyta takes a seat at Dr. Chakwas' desk. Liara leans back against the bed. She watches her father take another sip of her drink. Liara furrows her brow in annoyance. "Do you mind?" she asks, watching Aethyta's cup.

"I'm a bartender, kid," Aethyta reminds her, taking a second sip. "Drinks are what I do, and the drinks do me. Never during my shifts. I've got about as much free time now as ever. Might as well put it to good use." Another sip; Liara sighs in defeat. "Besides, I just helped save your ass from that messed up base. If it wasn't for me and Aria using our biotics to get you outta there, you and your girlfriend would've gotten spaced quicker than you can count to five."

Liara folds her arms, relaxing her face a tic. "Please don't misunderstand—I'm grateful to you. I never expected to meet you under these circumstances."

Aethyta sets her cup down on the desk a little harder than necessary. "You just don't like that I drink," she points out.

"I can't comprehend why anyone would ever want to poison themselves with alcohol," Liara explains. "It limits long-term functionality, erodes inhibitions…"

"No problem, kid," Aethyta explains, downing the rest of her cup. "I got you all figured out. I won't drink around you again." Liara feels some semblance of relief, until Aethyta reaches in her pocket and procures a box of cigarettes. "But if I can't drink, then I gotta smoke some time." She puts a stick in her mouth, looking around the room. "You got a lighter?"

Liara's scowl returns. "No, Father, I do not have a _lighter _on my person."

"Father!" Aethyta takes the cigarette from her mouth, laughing. "Oh, damn…listen, kid, let me tell you," she says, leaning in with an arm over her knee. "When Nezzy kicked me to the curb right after you were born, she made it crystal clear that I ain't nobody's father, especially yours. Any fantasies I had in my head about settling down and raising a family with the woman I love—nuh-uh, weren't gonna fly with her." Liara's expression flows from fury to fascination. She'd always assumed… "She wanted to raise you to be her poster girl. I was a bad influence…a _mistake _she needed to weed out of her life." Liara nearly switches to sympathetic until Aethyta says, "Looks like you grew up with that stick Nezzy had up her ass when she left me. I ain't surprised."

Liara gapes at her father. "I beg your pardon?"

Aethyta puts the cigarette back in the pack. "Well you can beg all you want," she says, "but I'm not giving it to you. There's no telling me you don't have that woman's stiffy, know-it-all arrogance."

"If my mother was so stiffy and _arrogant," _Liara says, feeling the volume of her voice raise without meaning to do it, "then _why _did you love her so much? Why did you stay until she left?"

"For the same damn reasons you love that commander of yours so much," Aethyta argues. Liara feels her face heat up at her father's choice of words. "I've seen you around, heard the way you talk to people. Sometimes you're pretty far out there, but for the most part you're prim and proper, just like Nezzy was. Your girlfriend is a hardass, and a moody one at that. I always thought you'd end up with some sweet sap who'd never challenge you. Shepard proved me wrong."

Liara knits her eyebrows again, tightening her folded arms around herself. "So…that means you approve of her?"

Aethyta smirks at Liara's hesitance. "For what it's worth, yeah," she replies. "I do. Don't need me to tell you that." Liara is about to express her gratitude until Aethyta interrupts with another jarring comment. "You know, these humans are pretty sexy. It's too bad they were still stuck in their little system back when I was your age. Shepard give you a good time yet?"

Liara buries her face in her hands, sighing. "For what it's worth," she says, her voice muffled by her palms, "no, not like that. I don't even know _why _I'm telling you this."

"What?" Aethyta asks, raising an eyebrow. "You don't strike me as the type to have girlfriends you gossip with. Figured you wouldn't mind letting your ol' Dad in on the details." Liara makes her question known with one look alone. "Hey, I know. Didn't mean it like that. _Father _just sounds too formal, like I raised you in a mansion with fancy antiques everywhere. You were pissed at me when you said it, yeah. I get it."

"So…Dad," Liara says, tasting the word. Aethyta smiles as she stands up. "Alright. I can do that."

Liara widens her eyes when Aethyta holds her. "I can do that, too," Aethyta tells her. She sighs, "It's been a long time. I was really worried about you when you stopped going to Eternity. Might sound creepy, but I used to watch you sit in that same corner you always sat in while you worked. You looked so sad…"

"That was…" Liara can't find it in herself to be bothered by how her father smells of drying smoke and alcohol. "…back when I had to wait for Cerberus to rebuild Shepard." Liara's despair returns as she thinks back to the Shadow Broker; to all the years she tried _not _to wonder what really happened to her father. If she'd known enough information… "There's also another story that accompanies those months, but perhaps I'll tell you some other time…"

—

As they walk hand-in-hand along the hull of the Shadow Broker's base, Liara listens to Shepard's story of what happened during her absence. The hazel radiance of the storm surrounding them reminds her so of Shepard, of her eyes, how they've been so much brighter since their reunion.

She learns of Shepard's new allegiance to the Illusive Man, as well as his more _human _demeanor in dealing with Shepard; seeing Ashley again; the trial with the Alliance and Asari High Command, and Shepard's testimony; Shepard's visit to Liara's childhood home in Armali; her colorful encounters with Vasir and Sha'ira; finding Liara's father and freeing her from jail.

"You didn't tell me what you think of your dad," Shepard says as they approach the hatch.

Liara evades the subject without thinking. "I'm sure you know what I think of her."

"Doesn't mean I don't want to hear it from you," Shepard points out.

"Oh, _fine_," Liara sighs. "…I've known about her ever since I began work back on Illium. She was one of the first crucial pieces of information I'd found out about in such a relatively short amount of time. I was looking into anyone who had an interest in spying on me, possibly any of the Shadow Broker's agents, and her name and occupation found their way to my desk instead. She's…not who I expected my father to be, if that's what you're asking."

Shepard nods. "What did you expect?"

"Someone who wasn't clearly an alcoholic and a chronic smoker," Liara begins, sounding bitter. "She was also a stripper and dancer in a bar back on Thessia, a prostitute in a hotel on Illium, a commando until she was kicked out for talking down her superior officer, and then a public embarrassment when she tried to convince the asari matriarchs that we should begin building our own mass relays." She hesitates for a moment, looking into Shepard's eyes, seeing the patience there. "I… I think those traits may be genetic. The alcoholism and chronic-smoking, I mean. I've never…smoked. But, the drinking… During those years while I waited, during the Lazarus Project, I…may have dabbled with alcohol, out of curiosity. Out of…an uncharacteristic bout of unhappiness I'd felt at the time. Now it upsets me whenever I see alcoholic beverages, or if someone around me might be intoxicated."

"Why alcohol?" asks Shepard. "It could have been anything else. Sex, drugs, partying, or all three… Why only alcohol? I know you said you were curious."

"I'd led something of a sheltered life until I met you," Liara admits, leaning against Shepard's arm. "Before, I never felt the urge to _let go, _or to try new things, or to take very many risks that did not involve academics in some way. After seeing my father, realizing her occupation, seeing her drink excessively after her shifts ended…I no longer felt so infallible. I know alcoholism can be passed down to one's offspring. That knowledge influenced me in ways I couldn't control."

"But you didn't get drunk every night after work, right? You just…tried it?"

Liara hums her affirmative. "A few glasses a week, maybe. Thessian wine, Earthen champagne, namely from the country of France. I tried to keep my choices as sophisticated as possible so as to not believe I was falling into something unhealthy. My father's…lack of inhibitions bothered me for a long time. Maybe they still do. I just know I have no right to judge her." Liara changes the subject, "What's this you mentioned about your implant? You promised to tell me more."

"EDI told me all about it," Shepard says. "You saw her—the new body she has used to belong to one of the Illusive Man's scientists who betrayed him. That same scientist did work on my implant. So now EDI has access to all of the data that was in Dr. Eva's head."

"And this implant," Liara begins, mind ablaze with this new information, "it's what helped you learn the information you needed from the Consort to find me. It's also how you…managed to change my mind about leaving the base." Shepard gives Liara's hand a light squeeze as her affirmative. "And it's based on Collector—or, rather, Prothean and Reaper technology…"

Shepard regards Liara, wary. "You've got that look in your eyes again…the kind I haven't seen in years," she says.

"Whatever do you mean?" asks Liara.

"You look like you want to dissect me in a lab somewhere," Shepard echoes her words from years prior. Liara's reaction this time is very much the same as before. "Hey, you know I'm only kidding! Even if it's true…"

Liara shakes her head, going with Shepard's joking mood. "I must admit…perhaps you're right."

Shepard hums her acknowledgment. "Maybe you should," she says, watching Liara bypass the security measures she placed on the hatch.

"What?" Liara asks, gaping at Shepard's nonchalance. "Shepard, I'm afraid I don't have the credentials to perform surgery on you… Besides, if your implant really works in the way I'm theorizing, it would be crude of me to dissect you. Lab work would still be necessary, however, given the type of equipment I would need access to…"

Shepard laughs as they enter the ship, darkness and all. "You're completely serious, aren't you?" she asks as the hatch closes behind them. Liara smiles at her laughter—so rare. "You really want to get me in a lab, even if it's not to dissect me, and you want to study me." Liara smiles even more when Shepard laughs anew. "I'm now, more than ever, a walking, talking embodiment of Prothean technology at work. Only makes sense that someone like me would be right up your alley… How about I just tell you what EDI told me, and we skip the lab part?"

"I don't know, Shepard," Liara tells her. "You've already piqued my interest with the idea of experimentations. Even if you were to explain the details to me, I may still want to go along with this."

"It's your call," says Shepard. Liara's face has begun to hurt from how much Shepard has made her smile in such a short time. "Basically, it's—" Liara guides Shepard away from walking into a wall at the last second. "—_shit_, we really need to get the lights back on…I don't know why you won't let me use a flashlight… But anyway, EDI told me it's a lot like their beacons."

Liara nods, seeing the link right away. "Yes, that's the theory I came up with as soon as you told me. I imagine she told you your implant allows you to experience memories and feelings in another person's mind as sensory information. Instead of being a source or a marker, you are able to interpret the chemistry, or energy of another's mind as the person experiences it—real memories, real emotions…images to be expressed."

"Yeah, EDI did say all of that," Shepard recalls. "Only when I tried to join my consciousness to Sha'ira's and then yours, the images were distorted, a lot like with the damaged beacon on Eden Prime. I could barely make sense of anything."

"I believe the way your implant is wired may have been taken from your very own memories of the event," Liara says, thinking back to the times when she analyzed Shepard's visions years ago. "That would explain why the images are confused. I'm sure the Collectors had some form of technology for mapping a person's real-life experiences onto a device, much like how the beacons themselves work. In a way, they've reverse-engineered this to work for your mind only. I can't understand why they went through so much trouble to replicate this when you're the only one left in our cycle who's ever been touched by working Prothean technology…"

Shepard hums again—this time, sounding thoughtful, curious. "Does it make any difference that it's not wired through my nervous system?" she asks.

"The asari reproductive system and nervous system _are_ closely linked," says Liara. "You are human, and you did say it doesn't allow you to reproduce… Did EDI tell you which system your implant interacts with?"

"My immune and limbic systems." Liara stops walking. Shepard keeps walking for a few paces before she notices. "Is…that bad?"

Liara continues walking with Shepard, her mind racing once again. "Your immune system…your immune system," she repeats. "And the limbic system, which controls your desires, memories, emotions, motivations… Shepard? Have you experienced any sporadic sicknesses since Cerberus rebuilt you? Or even anything as small as the common cold humans experience?"

"Hmm, no," Shepard tells her. "This is the longest I've ever gone without getting sick. Ever since Cerberus rebuilt me, yeah. You remember when we got back from Noveria, I was out with that bad cold? I think that's the last time I've been sick."

"Yes, I remember," Liara replies. "You said it never snows in your hometown, so you weren't used to such low temperatures…" Noveria. Something tells her she should return there. "Please, be honest with me…how have your emotions fared since the Lazarus Project?"

Shepard takes a moment to consider the question. "I think…I've been a lot more emotional since before I died. Back then, I had a better handle on things…or I just didn't have so much to bottle up. The first time I woke up again, I was already worrying about you, even with that space station under attack…" Liara's heart picks up as she listens to Shepard's story. "You were…almost always on my mind. When we were on Ilos and then the Citadel, I…honestly didn't let myself think about you anymore. We were done—it was all finished. But once I started working with Cerberus, I remember feeling so fucking angry and I didn't know why. I _wanted_ you so badly, day and night…"

She sighs at the imagery of Shepard _wanting _her in the middle of the night. "What about…" Liara knows she has to ask. "What about Miranda? How did you feel about her?"

"Honestly?" Shepard asks. "Miranda's…an attractive woman. I enjoyed looking at her whenever I had to. I liked to listen to her speak, even if we were usually both cold bitches to each other. I felt like she could relate to me in a lot of ways, even if I wished that were never the case. She…" Liara puts a hand over her chest, clutching the fabric of her coat there as if wringing her heart. Why do Shepard's words feel as though they're stabbing her? "She likes me. I know she does. I've always known. I found her attractive enough that I thought I could…be with her, in case I tried with you and you didn't want anything to do with me. It's why I put off seeing you for so long. I wasn't sure what I was afraid of the most—you rightfully denying me or settling for her after the fact. But in a way I knew I wouldn't want to give up on you, even if you kept telling me no. I knew that'd be a pointless existence for me, if I kept chasing after you and you didn't want me. Miranda was a realistic plan B."

"She must have sensed this," Liara concludes, her heart having calmed and warmed from hearing Shepard's sincerity. "You told me she has an impeccable ability to read people, to judge their character…she must have known, somewhere, you harbored an attachment toward her…"

"I guess she did," Shepard agrees. Liara inhales deeply; quiet enough so that Shepard doesn't hear. "You said she left while you and I were arguing, so…it doesn't matter now. She didn't care enough to at least say goodbye to me." Liara hears a modicum of disappointment in Shepard's tone. "I assume if she contacts me again, it'll be about her father. While she does that, you and I need to find this Gavin Archer that Kai Leng mentioned."

They've reached the communications room. "You and I?" asks Liara. Shepard lets go of her hand, finally using her omni-tool's flashlight to search around for the main power switch.

"I'm asking you a favor, Liara," Shepard says as she walks farther away. Liara stands in what she believes to be the center of the room. "Will you be the Shadow Broker? Even if there isn't much out there about the Reapers, you can always use this network to help us out in other ways." Liara watches Shepard move about, feeling her heart pick up again. "We don't have to tell anyone, not unless you want to. I was thinking, maybe, we could have some people we trust sign up to be your top operatives. You could find this scientist with their help, or unearth some undiscovered Prothean ruins somewhere…"

Liara clasps her hands in front of her. "Shepard…" As she says her name, the lights come back on. "I honestly wouldn't mind being the Shadow Broker, seeing as it's no longer possible for me to research the Collector Base anymore, and you already have Legion and EDI scanning what they've found. I just…"

"You don't want to stay here," Shepard finishes for her, beckoning her over to the many terminals. "I know. We could move everything to the XO office. Miranda's gone, remember?"

Liara exhales in relief that Shepard suggested it first. "Yes, that's a good idea. Only…who would be your executive officer, now that Miranda is no longer aboard?"

Shepard shrugs. "You," she says. Liara stares at her. "Hey, you're a civilian, yeah…but no one else is military except for Joker. I can't have my pilot giving orders in my stead. I trust you. It'd just be a title for the sake of having one. I'll take care of the usual protocol with Cerberus and the Normandy. If you're going to have the XO office anyway, it makes sense."

"Very well," Liara complies. "I'll wait until we move everything to begin searching through the network. As for potential operatives, did you have anyone specific in mind?"

"Yeah, a few people…" Shepard smiles again. "Samara, Aria and the Illusive Man." Before Liara can interject, Shepard adds: "Samara makes sense. Her oath requires her to help me. She's helping me by helping you. Aria is a network of contacts all on her own, so she could help build your own network up again. As for the Illusive Man…he asked me about it earlier during our debriefing. I told him the two of you would have to talk it out."

"You've given this quite a lot of thought, haven't you?" asks Liara, as Shepard begins walking backwards toward the room's exit.

She puts a hand over her ear, likely over her radio. "Yeah, I have," she says. "I'm going to have Jack, Tali and Legion come in and help me move everything. The funny thing is, they don't know this is the Shadow Broker's base. I told them we just found a supercomputer, and you're going to use it to help us prepare for the Reapers. It'd be pretty stupid if the whole ship knew you're the Shadow Broker now. Kills the fun of it, don't you think?"

—

While Shepard and the others move the equipment from the communications room, Liara is upstairs in a conference with Samara.

"My new identity must remain a secret," Liara implores. "I wouldn't use my contacts in ill will, or in any way that would violate the Justicar Code. There are goals I have in mind, things we all need to accomplish in order to prepare for the inevitable. Shepard believes you would be a suitable candidate, as one of my top operatives."

"I understand your need for secrecy," replies Samara, "and I assure you, I will take great care never to compromise your position. The commander did approach me with the idea some time during your sleep earlier today. I have been considering it since then, and I can now tell you that I accept."

"So soon?" Liara asks, expecting to have to bargain quite a bit with a justicar of all people to work in secret. "Not that I…don't appreciate your acceptance. I'm just…surprised."

Samara nods. "Your shock is understandable. In reviewing whether the Code would allow me to work for you, I considered the fact that you are not the previous Shadow Broker. You have different agendas. I also know personally that you would only ever have me break the law within good reason."

"That reminds me…" Her memory of banshees circling, surrounding, overpowers her as she speaks. "Did you ever find your daughter? …was she at Sanctuary?"

"Yes," says Samara. "I could feel her energy from one of the creatures we encountered there. I took care to defeat her first, before I became overwhelmed by the sheer number of their force alone. Morinth is no longer a danger to anyone. I truly believe she has found peace in the embrace of the Goddess."

_The Goddess has chosen you, and you alone._

"The…Goddess," Liara echoes.

"Doctor?" asks Samara, worried.

Liara shakes her head. "It's nothing, Samara. I was only thinking. When I return to the ship, meet me in the XO's office and we can go over our plans together. Could you ask Aria if she's able to speak with me about a private matter?"

Samara nods, leaving to go find Aria. A few minutes pass, with Liara thinking—trying not to think—about all that transpired on the Collector Base. The only thing she remembers for certain is that pain.

"Little Liara," says Aria as she joins the conference. She still has that same smirk from earlier.

"Hello again, Aria," Liara greets her, face flushing from the memory. She decides to not comment on the pet name. "I understand you've collected a sizable network of contacts during your time on Omega. I'm here to offer you the chance to expand that network even further."

Aria folds her arms, appearing interested enough. "Hm, is that so?" she asks. "That's quite the claim. Last time I checked, you were an everyday information broker back on Illium. You had a good reputation, but you were still small stuff compared to yours truly." She waits a moment, observing Liara's expression. "What's changed?"

"If I tell you, will you accept my offer?" asks Liara. She grimaces, knowing it's a long shot—

"Deal," Aria says. "I'm too interested now to back down. And if you're lying, I can always take care of you myself afterwards. So, tell me what's changed."

Liara takes a deep breath, wondering if Aria will believe her. "I am now the Shadow Broker." Aria's smirk widens as she nods in approval. "You believe me?"

"Of course I do," she replies. "I saw that datapad your friend had. You're lucky no one else bothered to take a good look at it." Aria pauses for a moment, thinking. "Give me a proposition, Shadow Broker. Tell me what you're after, and I'll tell you what I need in exchange."

Liara considers her answer for a moment before giving it a voice, "Well, Aria, there are a number of things I'm _after. _I must also stress that I wish for my title to remain a secret, even to the rest of those aboard the Normandy, including my father… I'm most interested in any information on the whereabouts of Dr. Gavin Archer, Kai Leng and Henry Lawson. The three of them each have critical information to the…project you witnessed just hours ago. I need to know exactly what they've done to me."

"That's fair game," says Aria, nodding. "You could say I'm also interested in finding out more about what happened there. I have plenty of people I can hunt down, see if they know anything about the men you mention. If they're anywhere in the Terminus Systems, that helps you out tenfold. I may not be of much help in Citadel Space."

"No, I'd prefer if you could focus your efforts in the Terminus." Liara feels short of breath, feverish. She keeps herself composed, ignoring it for the time being. "I must admit, I'm curious as to why you really accepted my offer so quickly. If it was not so long ago that I was an everyday information broker, as you put it, why would you work for me now? And what is it that you want in exchange for your services?"

Aria folds her arms, lowering her head. "Look, _Shadow Broker,_" she says, maintaining eye contact with Liara. "Even if I'm technically working _for _you, given how shadow brokering works, I see this as a business partnership. I help you, you help me, and we both win in the end." Liara raises an eyebrow at this. Aria sighs, "Don't tell this to Shepard, but part of me feels like I owe her. I'm in her debt. If it were anyone else, I'd be in a compromising position. She's earned my trust. You're her woman. Therefore, I trust you. As for my pay…I'd prefer to have priority over any and all information I request from you. Nothing to do with finding out what you're looking for—I can take care of that. We can talk creds depending on what I need. If I _must _pay, I expect a nice discount."

Liara nods. "I can do that."

"Good," says Aria, smiling. "Once you're back here, we'll be on our way back to Omega. I can start looking into what you need after I sort out what's happened while I've been out. Then we can go over the finer details. I look forward to doing business with you, _Shadow Broker_."

—

Liara's final contact on her list of people is the Illusive Man. She managed to get Samara and Aria on board largely thanks to Shepard. She knows she'll have to pull this one off on her own.

The Illusive Man does not have a drink or a cigarette today. "Dr. T'Soni," he greets her. "I take it Shepard passed along my desire to speak with you in private. I appreciate you taking the time to follow up with me."

Liara returns the greeting, "Illusive Man," she says, curt. "There are a number of questions I have for you. However, I will keep this meeting brief. I'm sure you're aware of my new post."

"Yes," he replies, "I am. I already know what your policy is on secrecy. I've taken the time to disable all surveillance cameras on the Normandy. As proof of my good will, I've forwarded each of the files to you. I have not made copies of the data. As the Normandy's new executive officer, it falls to you to accept any burdens your commander wishes to avoid." Liara's heart skips a beat with his words. "Shepard has expressed to me she wants nothing to do with the footage. Let me be clear—you do not work for Cerberus. I understand your business agreement with the commander is largely personal, and not a military matter, as you are still a civilian. Your title is simply a formality."

Liara's omni-tool lights up, informing her of the incoming stream of data. "I…wasn't talking about my new post as Shepard's XO. I know I am not a _real _officer of any sort. It is, as you say, a formality."

"Ah, yes," says the Illusive Man. "You wish to discuss your most recent acquisitions… Allow me to repeat that I know your privacy policy. I have no interests in disclosing your identity to anyone for any reasons. EDI will not have access to your network, nor will she have the authority to bypass its firewalls. You'll only be sharing the ship's power supply with her." He pauses for a moment, pressing a few keys on the arm of his chair. "If you don't mind, Doctor, I have a few questions about your new position."

"Go ahead," Liara says.

"I'm curious about your business goals," he tells her. "I'm interested in working with you, but I need to understand what it is you're working towards. If our goals don't align, there isn't much benefit in us working together."

Liara has a feeling the Illusive Man already knows why she really called in the first place. "There are a number of goals I wish to attain," she begins, "namely finding out more about this implant Shepard has, discovering ways to improve its performance, and more about the Protheans in relation to her new subset of skills. But, if you're asking about an overarching plan I have…" Malice, hatred, spite: "it is to find out _exactly_ what your former allies did to me, and possibly even Shepard… Why they did it, how…and what it might mean for the future. "

"You also…wish to exact revenge?" the Illusive Man speculates.

"Once I know enough information, yes," Liara affirms, without missing a beat.

The Illusive Man presses a few more buttons on the arm of his chair. Liara's omni-tool lights up once again. "Then you and I will work together, and achieve this common goal we have. Revenge is something I'm very much interested in, no matter the cost. However, I understand the scope of your new network exceeds even that of my own. We'll need to find some way to work with that."

Liara searches through the recent slew of information, brows furrowed. "What is this?" she asks, browsing through the agrarian photographs. "…Eden Prime? Is this…a dig site?"

"It is," the Illusive Man confirms. "In exchange for your assistance, I'll gladly forward you any and all information I can give you on the Protheans. What I've sent is only a starter set of attachments, to express my gratitude, and my sincerest apologies for you having suffered at the hands of my own former colleagues. I'm certain you can secure the necessary authorization with Shepard's Spectre status to do what needs to be done on Eden Prime. You'll know what to do after you've discovered the wonderful surprise there that awaits you. I look forward to doing business with you, Shadow Broker."

"As do I… Shadow Broker, out."


	11. Walled Garden

_**XI. **__Walled Garden_

"_After time adrift among open stars, along tides of light and shoals of dust, I will return to where I began."_

Liara's network has been moved to the XO office; her monitors reflect the many stars outside the only visible window behind her. The many towers and tubes needed to power her system have replaced the furniture in the room. The bed remains in the back of the office, though Liara took the liberty of replacing the sheets, pillows and mattress so as to be rid any remnants of the previous executive officer from the room. She anticipates the bed will remain unused for the most part.

A low hum surrounds her as she stares at the keyboard atop her desk. With the press of a button, she could view the surveillance footage the Illusive Man sent her. After having dropped off Aria and Liselle, Eden Prime is the next stop. For the sake of secrecy, other than Liara, only Shepard and Samara can enter this room. Liara has already searched and combed through the network, looking for anything that fits her agenda with Project Demigoddess and those involved.

Yet this temptation mocks her: the possibility to _see _Shepard during those months they went without contact.

She glances at the attachments on the centermost screen. The other monitors streaming information from her pacified operatives hold her attention for a few seconds. Back to the attachments. She sees dates, times, locations, persons in each of the file names. Shepard's name she sees in almost all of them, most in her private cabin. If she opened one, just one, then maybe…

_No. Not yet._

Liara switches her attention to her information streams from Citadel Space. Tabloids are ablaze with news from Thessia, about the Alliance's latest blunder. Liara's info drone, Glyph, floats about the room as he helps index the information as she reads it.

"The Alliance has attempted to make multiple appeals to Asari High Command," says Glyph. "The foundation for their latest attempt was Commander Shepard's testimony. They wish to attack her statement about Cerberus being uninvolved in the experiments performed on Horizon. It appears that the matriarchs plan to dismiss the claim that the commander lied under oath in order to protect the Illusive Man."

"Did she?" asks Liara, brows furrowed as her eyes scan the screen. "She must have. I remember seeing evidence that Cerberus really was involved in those atrocities." Liara makes a note in the file, stating Shepard's possible reasoning for lying. "If Cerberus had been apprehended, it's likely she would have also been punished. Her involvement in the Illusive Man's affairs is undeniable. If she hadn't been able to find me…"

Glyph brings up several images of a burned Sanctuary, riots on the Citadel involving Alliance soldiers, and graphs on recent Cerberus enlistment data. "During the initial trial, the defense was unable to prove that the commander had any reason to protect Cerberus. She was shown to have no allegiances."

"And should she do anything to disprove that image," Liara speculates, "it's possible that the matriarchs will rescind their judgment of her." She searches through verdicts of similar cases, highlighting any appeals that have been made. "Yes…it's as I suspected. High Command has a history of changing their mind when they're presented clear patterns contrary to what they believed, despite their previous convictions on the matter. Should they decide to apprehend her, especially after finding out she lied, the consequences would be dire… Not to mention their current bias against humans."

"Have you thought of a way to protect the commander, Shadow Broker?" asks Glyph.

Liara sighs at the name. "Yes," she replies, "tap into the Alliance's communications, for starters. See what's going on over their radio chatter, their extranet views and e-mail correspondences, and set up as many key loggers as you can. Find any mention of Shepard's name."

A number of feeds are displayed over several monitors. Liara's eyes widen at the many radio conversations going on at once; how many times she hears Shepard's name.

"_Our reputation's trashed, sir, and Commander Shepard's not going down with us—"_

"—_Shepard's turned her back on us to protect _terrorists_ and we can't even prove—"_

"—_galaxy hates us but they'll follow Shepard—"_

"—_should have known Shepard would betray us again—"_

"…_you think Shepard has Admiral Hackett? Aria T'Loak claims she has him on Omega, only we can't get anywhere near her. Her mercenaries have started killing our soldiers on sight!"_

"_I want Shepard's immediate arrest if we find proof she's involved with Cerberus for personal gain—"_

"_See if you can tap into Commander Shepard's correspondences…what? You've already tried? What do you mean you can't do it? You're my best tech expert! What…? Five terabytes of porn flooded your hard drive? Is this some kind of joke?"_

"_Someone start tracking the commander's ship! I want constant updates on her location—all pilots at their stations!"_

"_The Normandy's headed for Eden Prime. Commander Shepard is aboard since we last saw her on Omega, I repeat, the commander is aboard. Dr. Liara T'Soni is also aboard—their Prothean expert. They must have an interest in the dig site. All fleets report in! If we're going to pull this off, we need to intimidate her with the size of our forces. I want Admiral Hackett returned to us, and the commander. There's no way Shepard will be able to talk her way out of this—"_

Liara fumbles to cut the volume, her heart racing. She brings up the intercom to the bridge. "Joker! Do _not _stay on course to Eden Prime! Leave the system immediately!"

"_What? Are you kidding me?" _asks Joker. _"I know you're the new XO and all, but Shepard said—"_

"Forget what she said! The Alliance knows where we're headed! They're trying to take her alive!"

"_The hell…? Yeah, yeah…alright. You didn't mention that before! I'll get us out of here ASAP. EDI, check to make sure no one's following us. Bastards must have been on us since Omega…"_

"_I have detected known Alliance signatures," _says EDI, _"though they have been in the system along side us for some time now. They appeared to be friendly. Alliance ships will now be marked as hostile vessels."_

"_This is bad," _says Joker. _"They're probably all over the place by now. If they saw us on Omega, that means they don't care about staying out of the Terminus Systems. The Council's gonna tear them a new one when they find out about this…"_

Legion's voice sounds over the intercom. _"With the Normandy's stealth drive, it is possible to pass through the Perseus Veil without detection. The geth will open fire on the Alliance ships, should they manage to follow our course."_

"_The Perseus Veil?" _Tali also joins the conversation. _"Legion…are you suggesting we land on Rannoch? Won't the geth there be hostile?"_

"_The heretics have been rewritten to follow our current logic," _replies Legion. _"We can assure safe passage to the creator homeworld in order to discuss our next course of action, as well as the data we have compiled from the Collector Base. Please land at these coordinates."_

"_I never thought I'd see the day," _Tali says, sounding wistful. _"It did occur to me that the Normandy could get us there safely, but I didn't think we'd actually have the chance to visit… This is so surreal."_

Liara sighs as Joker begins counting down to make the jump to the Perseus Veil. "Greetings, Shadow Broker," says Glyph, nodding as Shepard enters the room.

Shepard points her thumb at the drone. "What's with this thing, Liara?" she asks, walking over to her. "Why's it calling me the Shadow Broker?" Shepard looks at the screens, seeing her name on all of them. "So this is why you gave the order to have us change course… I knew they were pissed at me, but this is just insane." She rolls her eyes, turning back to Liara. "We can talk about it later. Right now, I need you to come to the holding cells with me, down on Deck Four."

Liara nods, taking a deep breath. "Lead the way," she complies, leaving the room with Shepard. She struggles to keep up with Shepard's pace through the mess hall. "Does this have anything to do with Admiral Hackett?"

"Yeah," says Shepard. "Guess I can't say I'm surprised you know already." She gestures for Liara to enter the elevator first. Shepard follows after her, pressing the fourth button. "After we're done down here, you and I need to have a talk." Liara regards her with worry, watching Shepard pace back and forth in the limited space. "I don't regret anything I've done. Saving you after what happened on Horizon was my number one priority. If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing…"

Liara wraps her arms about Shepard's waist, pulling her close. "One thing at a time," she tells her. Shepard's tense body, her tense jaw, and her constricted breathing all tie a knot in Liara's chest. "Let's focus on whatever's down here, and then we can discuss everything else that's upsetting you. How does that sound?"

Shepard keeps her head against Liara's shoulder, nodding against her pulse. "Yeah, sorry. I know I'm making you worry. I was pissed as hell when I heard about our prisoner."

"Our prisoner?" echoes Liara. "But I thought… What happened, exactly?"

"You remember the Fifth Fleet was there yesterday," Shepard says. "Tali fixed whatever was jamming their distress signals, and the commanding officers on each ship calmed down. That was after Cerberus had bludgeoned a lot of them. Jack told me it was a nightmare trying to control the crowd." The elevator door opens. Shepard lets go of Liara, against gesturing for her to go first. "When Samara's team came back, they brought Admiral Hackett with them by my orders. Aria told him he was her bounty, to keep the blame off of me. Now there's a warrant out for the arrest for whoever's holding him captive."

"And you plan on keeping Hackett with us?" asks Liara as they make their way to the holding cells.

Shepard runs a hand through her hair, sighing again. "No… So far, it looks like everyone believes Cerberus has split into two factions, the other with Kai Leng running things. That's the only thing keeping the Council from launching an investigation involving me."

Liara senses more strain than Shepard allows herself to show. She watches Shepard's narrowed eyes dart from side to side. Shepard parts her lips as if to speak before shutting her mouth, ever tensing her jaw over and over again. Liara asks, "Why did you order Samara's team to bring Hackett aboard the Normandy?" When Shepard glares at her, Liara's heart slows down as she adds: "I'm not questioning your decision… If I'm going to accompany you, I only wish to know your reasons."

Shepard opens the door to their destination. "You're about to find out."

The brightness of the room makes Liara shield her eyes with one hand. She follows the sound of Shepard's footsteps as her sight adjusts to the light. Behind the nearest glass wall, she sees Admiral Hackett there sitting on the ground, badly bruised with his hair disheveled. Liara watches Shepard pull up two chairs, wondering why she won't unlock the cell door to let him out.

"Admiral," says Shepard as she and Liara sit. Hackett glowers at her, holding his cap in his hands. "Before I let you out, I'm gonna need some answers. Let me say I had no idea you were down here in this state until a few minutes ago."

"I see," says Hackett, deeper than usual. "This is your ship, Commander." He glances at Liara. "I'll hold off with my own questions until I've answered yours. Ask away."

"Did you have _any_ idea about the Alliance's involvement with the experiments at Sanctuary?" asks Shepard, leaning forward.

Hackett's glower deepens. "That was the Alliance's R&D. That's got nothing to do with its military. You know that, Shepard."

"Sorry," she replies, her tone dripping with sarcasm, "I've been out of the loop since Cerberus brought me back. For all I know, the Alliance went and changed its policies while I was gone. I'm using the policy of ask questions first, act later."

"Is this a new policy of yours, Commander?" asks Hackett, again glancing at Liara.

Shepard moves to kneel down in front of him. "It's my policy for you," she says with a sneer. "If you have any common sense, you know I can tell you're lying. You knew about the experiments. I don't appreciate being lied to."

When neither Hackett nor Shepard have anything more to say, Liara says, "Admiral…I believe it is in your best interest to tell us the truth about what you know. I understand Shepard is no longer part of your military. Still, it could not hurt to…"

"I gave my answer," Hackett says. "You can question it all you'd like. Shepard has no right to demand the truth out of _anyone_ after she lied under oath to protect her employer." Liara glances at Shepard, how her stone-faced expression reflects in the glass. "Dr. T'Soni, after what Cerberus did to my fleet, they can't be trusted. Shepard lied to Asari High Command to protect the Illusive Man from being prosecuted along with all of Alliance R&D. My military's reputation among the galactic community has been shot to the ground. And now, Aria T'Loak is claiming me as her bounty, to protect the commander. There's no justice here!"

Liara kneels down next to Shepard, her fists hard against the cold floor. "If you want justice for past actions, we can't help you," she tells him—cold, clear-cut. Shepard regards her with that same look on her face. "What the Alliance _and _Cerberus did to my people will never be justified, no matter what was learned! She told me your military burned the facility to the ground to get rid of evidence. If you must blame anyone for this, blame the Illusive Man's forethought to protect not only Cerberus, but Shepard as well. He knows Shepard is the only one who can protect the galaxy from the real threat. She can't do that if she's locked away in jail for a crime she didn't commit."

"What the galaxy cares about most right now is the slandering of my military," claims Hackett, shaking his head as he looks down at the cuts in his uniform. "Humanity's in a rocky place right now. No one will take us seriously anymore. Asari sympathizers are rallying to have Anderson's Councilor position revoked. They've already tried to burn the human embassies on the Citadel! And you mean to tell me you think people give a damn about the Reapers? It's all a lie to them! What's real is what's in front of them. Until the Reapers are at our front door, this problem Shepard helped create will _never_ fall to the wayside."

Liara scoffs at his words, though she sees the truth in them. She rubs her temples with her knuckles, having chilled from the ground. Shepard gives her a sympathetic look underneath her ire before turning back to Admiral Hackett. "Look," she says, "you have a point about the state of the galaxy. But you and I both know we need to prepare for the Reapers. My team has collected substantial data from the Collector Base to help us win this war."

"You'll have a hell of a time convincing the galaxy to listen to you, Commander," warns Hackett. "You know that. You've seen firsthand how ignorant they can be. With the tabloids on fire about the latest mistake the Alliance has made, and how Cerberus cleaned up our mess…"

"Trust me, I've seen them," says Shepard. "My point is—we have proof the Reapers are on their way. _You know_ Lieutenant-Commander Ashley Williams can also vouch for me. Cerberus wants to protect humanity just as much as the Alliance does. I know it's up to me to present my evidence to everyone. The only thing I'm missing is the authority to really make everyone see the _truth _of the matter."

Hackett grumbles. "What are you getting at, Shepard?" he asks, wary. "Are you proposing a pact between the Alliance and Cerberus?"

"I'm the best damn chance this galaxy has to win this thing, Admiral," Shepard says, brimming with certainty. Liara allows herself to linger on that confidence. "It's like Liara said—I can't do anything if I'm stuck in jail, or if my reputation's trashed. If Cerberus and the Alliance can work _together _instead of letting this _he-said-she-said _bullshit continue, it would get the galaxy off their collective asses and make them take this threat seriously. If I'm going to do this, I'll need your help."

Hackett stares at Shepard for a moment, contemplating. "And you would do this as a representative of Cerberus?" he asks.

An alarm goes off in Liara's head at Hackett's choice of words. Liara knows Shepard wants to respond with her affirmative; before she can do that, Liara pulls her aside, having them walk a ways away from Hackett. "What are you doing?" Shepard asks, staring at Liara with a wild look in her eyes. "You can't just interrupt my negotiations! Do you know what a pact with the Alliance could mean? A united galaxy that will listen to me! This is what I've been fighting for ever since I became a Spectre!"

"Shepard, I really need you to stop talking for a moment and listen to me," warns Liara, frowning at Shepard's astonishment. "For all of our intelligence, we can't take this situation at face value. You saw all of those e-mails with your name in them, but you didn't take the time to read any of them. The admiral isn't on your side. He plans to sell you out to the lawyers trying to appeal to Asari High Command. Should you give him any indication that you have an interest in Cerberus's affairs, he'll use that against you."

Shepard gapes at her, taking a few steps back. "Admiral Hackett…? He's…" She looks off to the side, scowling. "Yeah, makes sense. You didn't look surprised when he said I lied under oath."

Liara nods. "I already knew."

"I guess I'm too trusting…" mumbles Shepard, folding her arms. "It's stupid. I tear down anyone if they get in my way, yet I'll put so much trust in people when I think they're on my side for sure. This is the second time in a row I didn't consider what you had to say about something big…"

"We can discuss that later, Shepard," says Liara. "Have you decided how you're going to deal with him?"

Shepard gestures for Liara to follow her. "Alright, Admiral," she says as they near Hackett's cell. "Tell you what. I'm gonna sit down here again, and you'll answer my questions truthfully. Don't lie to me this time." She and Liara sit down on their chairs. Liara looks down in surprise when Shepard holds her hand. "How do you feel about my relationship with Liara?"

Hackett stares at the commander, at Liara, at their interlaced hands. Liara notices he's started to sweat. "I think it's a beautiful thing that you've found someone you can trust," he responds.

Liara gives Shepard a sidelong glance, seeing the edge to her eyes as she watches him. "Interesting that you mention trust. You were married once," Shepard continues, "so I'm sure you know what this feels like: my drive to do absolutely anything to be with her. Even if it means lying…even if it means doing things I don't agree with." Shepard lets go of Liara's hand, standing to enter Hackett's cell. The admiral stays motionless as Shepard towers over him. "You planned on selling me out if I told you I'm really with Cerberus now, didn't you?" Shepard begins pacing around him, her hands folded behind her back as Hackett stares straight ahead. "Not like last time, when I was just with them because of the Collectors. This time…it's personal. You wanted to exploit that to save your own ass." She stops right in front of him. "If Liara hadn't told me, I would have believed you because I trusted you. Knowing that I did all of this for her, all these things you disagree with…you'd dethrone me, ruin my relationship with her, and take me down with you for the sake of justice. You'd take advantage of that trust you and I had…? _You _would do that? To _me?"_

Sweat drips from Admiral Hackett's face to the floor of his cell.

Liara flinches at the crack of knuckles against skin as Shepard backhands him.

"I brought you here to protect you!" Shepard's voice stings the walls with her venom as she shouts at Hackett lying on the floor. "I knew what was going on with Cerberus attacking your men! In the heat of the moment, I gave a goddamn order to save you from all of that! If Liara hadn't told me what the Alliance wants to do to me, I would have trusted you to get that pact started with me! All you care about is saving your reputation… Damn whatever happens to me, right?"

"Cerberus…can't be trusted," Hackett manages. "I vowed…_never_ to let them into our ranks, never to entertain their goals. They're terrorists…they're not out for humanity's best interests…"

"They're terrorists who get shit done," Shepard says, circling around him again. Liara sees his lip bleeding. "You didn't tell me about this oath of yours before. You were going to go along with this plan, or at least you acted like you were. That means you're also capable of going against your vows, your oaths. How are you any different than me? Are you the one who knows how to stop the Reapers? Do you have some secret weapon up your sleeve to get rid of them?"

"The difference between you and me…is that you lie to go against everything you once stood for in order to accomplish what you want _today_. I lie to accomplish what I've _always_ stood for—humanity's survival _without _Cerberus in the picture. If that means bringing you down, so be it."

Shepard kneels down behind him, gripping him by the roots of his hair. "Wrong answer," she hisses in his ear, just before Liara flinches again.

—

Liara stands with Shepard and most of their team in the cargo bay as the hatch opens on the Normandy's landing, revealing the arid skies of Rannoch's sunrise. The sudden heat dries Liara's nose, making her taste the dryness in the back of her throat. Shepard's hardened eyes burn with color as the wind blows through her sheet of hair. Liara feels the feathery touch of the ends of Shepard's hair against her shoulder as she looks to Tali next to her. Tali stares at the waters against the cliffs nearby, not having said a word since the decision to change course.

Jack speaks up about this, "So, Tali, isn't this your homeworld?" she asks. "Why the hell aren't you saying anything about it?"

Tali shakes her head. "This is so surreal," she repeats just before the Normandy reaches the ground. "When we decided to come here, it was all so sudden. I don't think it's really hit me yet that we're here." She looks at Jack. "What would you do if you suddenly found yourself back in the home you were never allowed to have?"

"I don't have one," says Jack, shrugging, pointing to her tattoos. "This is all I've ever known. Never had any place I could call home."

"And for a while, after I was exiled from the Migrant Fleet, I didn't either," Tali reminds her. "All because I lied to protect my father's name, his image…and in the end, they found out what I did and threw me away without a second thought. My usefulness to them was ignored for the sake of justice. I paid my price for trying to protect my father, what was left of him. Let me have this moment."

Shepard scowls even deeper. "Legion," she says, "you said we're headed to one of the geth's servers?"

"Yes," acknowledges Legion, leading the rest of the group to follow. "It is a secure location. Heat emissions from the Normandy will not be detected from Rannoch's surface. The geth stations currently in orbit will not land in this area. Geth units not in orbit do not frequent this region of the planet."

Shepard holds Liara's hand. "Just in case," she murmurs so only Liara can hear. Liara looks around—Samara, EDI, Jack and Tali behind them fail to notice. "Before we discuss what to do about the Alliance, I want to go over the data you and EDI found on the Collector Base. We need a plan."

The group crosses over a platform, entering the geth server. Liara notices the design is alien to her: metallic, cold. The central computer next to an empty pod is surrounded by dormant Geth Prime units; Jack eyes them with suspicion. Tali looks around as though lost in a daze. Legion begins entering data into the computer as Shepard sits down on the ground, leaning back against the console with lidded eyes. Liara sits with her, and the others follow suit to form a circle. EDI uses her omni-tool to forward the data to everyone else.

"The information Legion and I have collected has staggering implications," EDI begins, bringing up the schematics of a Sovereign-class Reaper vessel. "Though the different species in previous cycles have never managed to defeat the Reapers entirely, there are records of those who came close to doing so."

"There is evidence that an Old Machine had been defeated internally—without the use of weaponry," says Legion, still typing away at the console. "The species learned to resist indoctrination, and boarded a vessel the size of the one you called Sovereign. Within, they manipulated the Old Machine's IFF to confuse its allies. The Old Machine ships nearby opened fire on the vessel the organics boarded, successfully destroying it."

Liara says, "That's remarkable. The Reapers seem indestructible, especially when we look at how long they've been at this. In which cycle did this occur?"

"It was in the previous cycle," EDI replies, showing an image of several asari. "The Protheans gathered several of their kind on one of the planets that used to belong to the Qertassi system. In a manner much like Project Demigoddess, they learned how a single Reaper thinks by networking the minds of chosen organics."

"But those are asari," Jack points out. "Look at them! I thought you said they were Protheans?"

"We have considered this viewpoint," Legion says. "At this time, we do not have the resources required to fully analyze all collected data. Most of it exists as packets of memories. We are currently searching for ways to navigate these packets in their physical manifestations."

Liara also considers Jack's words, thinking back to what she recalls on how the Protheans dealt with other species. "There is a severe lack of information on Prothean colonization…if only we were able to study the dig site on Eden Prime; perhaps it would have had more information on the issue."

"Don't worry, we'll get there soon enough," Shepard tells her, having relaxed her face more or less. "So EDI, what did the Protheans learn from all this?"

"With this knowledge, they then exploited the Reaper's mind. A suitable analogy would be how it is easier and more efficient to deconstruct a building when one knows its true architecture, including its weakest areas." Liara soaks in EDI's words, wondering on the intricacies of the application of what she just described. She notices Tali still appears to be lost, though she listens to the conversation. "However, the specifics of their accomplishment are hidden away in the packets of memories Legion mentioned. Their attempts at resisting indoctrination also did not last very long. The two Protheans inside the Reaper eventually turned into husks, or Collectors."

"I imagine their wills could not handle the strain for very long," supplies Samara. "From what you describe, it would take the strength of several minds to accomplish such a feat. That only two could do what they did—it is extraordinary. I am interested in learning how they did this. If the exploit can be replicated, I will gladly volunteer myself to the cause."

"Hell, sign me up too," agrees Jack. "Tearing a Reaper apart from the inside sounds like my kind of job. Hey, Legion! How long 'til you get that memory thing up and running so we can see how to do this shit?"

"Unknown," replies Legion. "We are currently tasked to capacity in order to combat the issue. There are over one point four million programs on this server assisting this unit. Please try again later."

Shepard stands, helping Liara up with her. "Let us know when you find something," she tells Legion. "It's safe outside. Everyone, take some shore leave, but don't wander off too far from here. If you run into hostile geth, take cover and call for back-up."

Liara can finally ask Tali, "Is everything alright? You still seem dazed."

"Yes, I'm okay," says Tali as she makes to leave. "This is all a lot to take in. I think I just need some time to myself…"

Liara watches her go, worried. Shepard waits a moment before leaving with Liara, making sure to abide by Tali's wishes and not follow her.

—

Literal shore leave: Liara lies down with Shepard on a nearby beach, an arm's reach away from the ebb and flow of the low tide. The cliffs behind them and odd rock formations in the ocean feel like walls to her, each one beautiful and unique in their make. The early morning sun feels bearable near the water, away from the more barren air they encountered earlier. Shepard's already sun-kissed skin, Liara notices, appears darker after the time here they've spent in silence. Liara shifts to rest her head against Shepard's chest, holding her; listening to her slow breaths, her quickened heartbeat. She closes her eyes to escape the sun's glare against the waters.

"This reminds me of my hometown," Shepard says, her voice humming through her chest beneath Liara's head. "Being here reminds me of why I hated going to the beach back then."

"Why was that?" asks Liara.

Shepard gives a short laugh. "Didn't have anyone to enjoy it with. Beaches are supposed to be romantic. I didn't have time for romance." She takes a deep breath; her heart picks up even more. "I thought I didn't need anyone," she clarifies before Liara can ask. "Coming here was so unexpected…just as you were when you came into my life. I could have handled that better. I could have saved you so much heartache if I'd known how to trust you sooner."

"There's been a recurring theme of trust lately," Liara points out, ignoring her recollections of moments from those long months. "I know what happened with Admiral Hackett has been on your mind. You can be very unforgiving."

"Why didn't you stop me?" Shepard asks. "You sat there and watched me take out my anger on him. I expected you to intervene at some point. I think I wanted you to. So why didn't you?"

"This may sound silly…but part of me was mesmerized by your power," Liara admits, shifting a bit for the heat of the sand beneath her body becoming too much to bear. "During my search for the Shadow Broker, I tried to think of how you would do things…your ruthlessness, your cunning."

Shepard eases Liara on top of her. "So you're saying you admire that about me?" she asks, searching Liara's eyes in earnest.

"I admire your reasons…"

Liara feels Shepard's hands on her face, her palms warm with traces of sand. Shepard takes her time to brush the sand away, her gaze strengthening in its frailty by the moment. "Liara…you shouldn't just accept something like that from me," she says, sounding far away, pained. Liara's serenity breaks. "You only get in my face when I've done something to _you_, never to anyone else. Don't get me wrong—I do hold back… I have, ever since I met you. I remember this one reporter I've always wanted to punch, just to get her to shut the hell up about me. I never did because I didn't want you to judge me. Even the Rachni Queen: I saved her because of what you told me. But doing what I did to Hackett just because he wanted to get back at me…?"

"Shepard…you did it for me," Liara reminds her. "For…us… We can't be together if they take you away from me." Shepard looks away, lets go of Liara's face. Liara feels her pulling away; her mind sways with the possibility, seasick, longing. "Shepard," she breathes, feeling her world tilting when Shepard shakes her head, tries to move Liara from on top of her.

In desperation, Liara presses her lips to Shepard's; clamps her thighs about Shepard's hips, gyrating with her bruising pain and press. Shepard's heart thunders beneath her own, through her non-response. Tilting and pressing, gripping and expressing: Liara does this, tasting the air mixed with Shepard's breath. Shepard's lips color themselves more malleable by the moment; she shakes now not to move as Liara's dip lower, bearing more of her nerves down to penetrate this shield.

Shepard's walls crumble and she trembles, growls. She grabs the backs of Liara's thighs; her hands slap on contact, making Liara arch her back, cry out. Their breaths meld, minds mold over one another. The sun overhead wraps them in a warm escape. Shepard removes the radio from her ear; throws it aside—she triggers her gift, sending Liara in the beginnings of a haze.

"_Shepard-Commander, Alliance forces have followed us to the creator homeworld! Their stealth systems are inefficient. Geth fleets are preparing to open fire to protect the Normandy's crew."_

Such a sensitive spot: the tip of Shepard's tongue guides where her lips will rove next. Liara shivers in anticipation at the moisture, from Shepard's mouth, from the rising tide.

"I'd—do _anything—_to please you," sounds Shepard's voice over Liara's shoulder, in between presses of her pain. "…kill anyone who'd take you away from me."

With this mental explosion of accepting Shepard's rage, her heartlessness as her salvation, Liara's love for her detonates within. A visual above—the destruction of the Alliance fleets—she still sees as the death of stars between the water's sighs over their bodies. The fiery cascades of ships scattered all throughout the sky are as the falling of those stars to her. The debris will cover the garden below, cultivating fear to the rest of the galaxy in Shepard's name.

The truth sets Liara adrift along the ocean's flow in Shepard's arms, embraced in eternity's peace.

**Note. **This last scene was heavily edited. Follow the link on my profile to read the uncensored version. Thanks.


	12. Electioneering

_**XII. **__Electioneering_

"_All life provides clues for those who can use them. It is in your cells, your DNA. Experience is a biological marker."_

_And if Shepard were to ever close herself, her passions again, Liara knows she could not handle the obstruction. Shepard made the decision to break her, did she not? She realizes this now—now, in the heart of sleep, carried in Shepard's arms in the numbing silence of their surroundings._

"Shepard-Commander, how shall we proceed? The creator fleet will arrive soon…"

_Between her love, her responsibility, her focus—Shepard, she feels, represents all of these things. Liara feels more dedicated to Shepard than to her own people who dismiss her, dismiss her intelligence; dismiss her warnings. _

"I want to experiment with what we've found here. If the quarians fire at the geth, and the geth counter-attack, it's up to us to make both sides stand down. Stay here, Legion. Everyone else, get back to the Normandy! Tali, I'll need you on the bridge. I have a plan."

_The asari, so fixated on their peace and their successes; who must uphold their image with continuity, through the absence of controversy; to whom Liara feels so distant from, so alienated, that she must drown herself in her responsibilities in order to waive her dispassion with them._

"Liara…it's time to wake up."

_If Liara must choose between Shepard and many others, she is wrought to admit that she would stand in one place before deciding. For the decision would not, could not come forth with the fluidness she is used to. Uncertainty, a lack of understanding…because she sensed such power in Shepard's mental refusal, such chaos in that control…_

…_it requires further study before her heart can proceed._

Soft, full warmth presses against Liara's lips, severing her insecurities. In that moment, Liara rescinds her previous thoughts, willing to sacrifice anything to stay on this plane of infinite possibilities. Regions of her mind never before lit illuminate with this pressure; Liara leans into it, away from it, as it guides her. She feels her body is being carried by Shepard. Liara's hands tangle themselves in that sheet of hair, _begging_.

Shepard's groan hums against Liara's mouth; Liara's eyes flutter open, letting the scant light of the geth server in a few rays at a time. Liara feels her body incline in Shepard's arms as she is allowed to stand; an embrace, so natural, where Shepard still smells of the sea and warm sand where they had been not long ago. Yet that hazel is not as she remembers it being moments ago—the edge there, the worry there gives Liara pause.

"The Migrant Fleet is on their way to Rannoch." Shepard turns to look back at Legion typing at the nearest console. "The Alliance fleet that followed us…the geth wiped them out, and the fleet must have fired off a distress signal before they went down. EDI's got confirmation that the quarians are responding…"

Liara's mind is quick to wake up with the news. "Are they insane? They'll be decimated! But…" Her recollection of the Alliance fleet: a score of shooting stars going down in flames over the burning skies of Rannoch…with Shepard's body shielding her from the responsibility of caring at the time. "We have to do something…I don't know what I would do if I had to live with the death of an entire species because of my first order. I was…"

"Only trying to protect me," Shepard finishes for her, nodding. "I know. I've already sent the others back to the ship. Tali will try and talk the quarian fleets down. If they won't listen to her, we'll have you as our backup."

"Me?" asks Liara, eyes wide as she stares at Shepard's seriousness. "What do you mean? Diplomacy is our only option, isn't it? _Tali_ would need to convince the fleets to stand down. If both sides could be swayed to peace…"

"That is no longer an option," replies Legion. Shepard walks with Liara to his station. "Creator Tali'Zorah's efforts at diplomacy will only delay the Migrant Fleet. Not the geth. While investigating the data packets from the Collector Base, we discovered…and uploaded a code to all geth. In a short time, all geth will receive upgrades based on the data-memories of those who came before. We will finally have true sentience as a fully-evolved AI. We will be…alive. However, all geth runtimes are currently overloaded. The creator presence takes precedence at this time—alone, we cannot form a consensus to suppress fire on the creators. We will attack the creators, though we understand this will result in their deaths."

"We need the geth to have these upgrades," Shepard supplies. "Liara, I need you to help them. Once the code is uploaded, the geth will have to make a decision on what to do. Based on what Legion told me while you were asleep, I think you can manipulate that decision. You can make them stand down, or you can tell them not to. It'll be your call."

"My decision? How could_ I_ be the voice for a synthetic people?" As Liara asks these questions, Shepard gestures to a vertical pod right beside them. She remembers that pain: blinding, white-hot; migraine-inducing, as she cried out beneath that dying star. Her voice manifested in weapon fire, damaging fleets, taking lives.

Liara's comprehension feels automatic; mechanical as she listens to Legion's allegory. The Zha'til of the previous cycle were an AI race similar to the geth. When the AI seized a physical body, it could alter the genetic material at the deepest level. Legion emphasizes that the reverse could be true, in order to alter programs as well as binary code itself. Liara must enter the geth consensus, and do what no organic has ever done before her: manipulate synthetics—machines, such as the Collector Base's weapons drive—to bend to her will.

_You've done this before. Only this time, it's your decision. If you can understand the geth, you're closer to understanding one Reaper as a whole, however magnanimous that will be. If you can understand yourself, and how you're able to do this…_

"The Zha'til possessed an understanding of the Old Machines," Legion says, turning to face the pair. "They were once under total control of the Old Machines. Through the upload of their code, we will also possess this understanding over time as we analyze the data. We wish to gain this perspective, in order to prepare for the arrival of the Old Machines and to assist in their destruction. Direct server interface is necessary to change our consensus and finalize the code's upload to all servers—your species has experimented with synthetic-organic interfaces. You saw this on Project Demigoddess. Dr. T'Soni, will you enter our consensus in order to seek the understanding _you_ wish to gain?"

Liara looks to Shepard as if to ask why she shouldn't go instead. "I'll be in there with you as best as I can," Shepard tells her. Liara cannot doubt the sincerity present. "Tali will do her best to talk the quarians down. I'll guide you with Legion's help. You've done this before…I'm here to help you this time. Think of it as a practice run before the Reapers get here. We'll be doing the same thing we see in the data packets."

Legion opens the pod as he explains: "We have refined the interface with equipment from Normandy and Project Demigoddess to facilitate safe contact. We request your trust…" Liara can only nod. The flaps of Legion's head move in what Liara guesses is a gesture of gratitude, evidence of the code's progress. "While we occupy the system's intrusion counter-measures, you will navigate the consensus—the Zha'til code's runtimes. Shepard-Commander will assist you."

Liara exhales with the weight of so much information pressing on her mind, her conscience. Her regard betrays to Shepard that she does not fully understand the details of what's going on, of what's about to happen. All she knows for certain is that Shepard will be there, that Shepard has taken her hand to help her step inside the docking port.

As the door closes, Liara sees the outside tinted with the blue of the glass. Shepard places her hand on the surface with a somber look in her eyes. Legion starts the connection.

"Initiating peer-network integration. Mapping to consensus. Allocating resources to juxtaposition of data with memory pathways." Liara looks around at the rays of light moving all around her. "Dr. T'Soni: excess movement during an upload is discouraged. Please remain still."

Liara does so, looking back to Shepard. She blinks once, and her world changes. No longer in such limited space, she sees a dying world around her: a dying sun, its radiance exhaling through the sky in a burning color such as Shepard's eyes. All is still. The terrain around her is scorched from battle; from fire from famine—from loss and tragedy. In the foreground of that dying sun, she sees Reapers scraping the sky with their height, their beams tearing the organics on the ground apart—motionless, frozen. And behind her, she sees the legion, the race of machines—the Zha'til—tall, proud, sleek; and as stern as the Protheans who created them. They are stationary, networked, running several programs at once: overloaded.

And by her side, in the moment of silence before full perception stands Shepard, with her, though ephemeral. The reality around them diminishes in Shepard's true physical absence. Both of them carry heavy weapons of geth design.

"_Dr. T'Soni, we acknowledge your integration into this server,"_ sounds Legion's voice all around her. _"We welcome you to our consensus. Filters are in place to allow you to make visual sense of this server's raw data. We have made Shepard-Commander visually distinct for your convenience. You will perceive Prothean and Zha'til memories as they occurred years ago. There are two communication nodes on this server. We must access them to influence our consensus as well as finalize the code's upload. Please proceed with Shepard-Commander to the first access point."_

"Let's go," says Shepard, walking forward to guide Liara. The images around them lag to keep up, bursting with sound as they process bits at a time. "You okay?" she asks, noting Liara's awe as she takes in their surroundings.

"This is what the Protheans experienced…this is their war," she says, her heart wrenching in sympathy as they walk toward the fighting in the distance. "For all of my research on the Protheans, I could never come up with even an abstract for a paper detailing what they experienced. You are the one who truly enriched my understanding of them…and now you're doing it again."

"Don't be so quick to give me all the credit, Liara," replies Shepard. "Legion told me a lot of the data was lost. It looks like you're filling it in. When you said you're the wish of a dead species, and how you have the memories of the ones who lived on those planets…well now, we're seeing what happened all those years ago."

Shepard turns just in time to see two Protheans running through them. She and Liara pick up the pace to stay right behind them, nearing a Reaper the size of Sovereign in the midst of battle with Prothean fighter ships. Liara cannot understand their form very well—what they truly look like, their appearance, is only a shadow to her. Liara's thrill at the prospects of seeing actual Protheans keeps her going.

"_Establishing connection to access point,"_ says Legion, as the two of them hurry to catch up. _"Warning. Connection blocked by infected code. Use our combat software to disrupt the infection. This code is a manifestation of Old Machine indoctrination."_ The two figures grab their heads, convulsing as they run, resisting the indoctrination. Liara and Shepard both fire their weapons, eliminating the infection. _"Connection established—proceed to the access point."_

They catch up to the Protheans, and it is here that Liara sees their form: armored figures, with hands and feet similar to quarians; a wide, sharp head with four eyes. Both appear to be female.

"_Accessing data-cluster. Your connection permits streaming of information from our archives, linked with your own memory bank."_

Liara thinks for a moment that she recognizes the appearance from old asari scripture, religious texts detailing the Goddess Athame and her gifts to the asari—

"Liara!" Shepard interrupts her thoughts; had this been more than a memory, Liara would have been hit by crossfire long ago in her distraction. "Tali says the quarian fleets won't stand down! They're almost to the Perseus Veil! We need to keep following these two to the next access point! When we get there, then you can decide what to do!"

Liara sees a moving image of the Migrant Fleet approaching the system. The admirals aboard each ship going back and forth with Tali; Admiral Daro'Xen rejecting her pleas with the insistence that they now have superior technology in order to combat the geth; Admirals Zaal'Koris and Shala'Raan hesitating to consider; the military aboard the fleets prepare for battle; civilians in their fleets listen to their captains with worried body language; Joker arguing with Admiral Han'Gerrel about not being able to surprise the geth with a stealth attack from the heavy fleet.

"_It's not too late!" _Tali pleads with the admirals from the bridge of the Normandy. _"The geth know you're coming! You shouldn't have responded to the Alliance's distress signal! That entire fleet has been wiped out!"_

"_Tali, you must have forgotten," _replies Admiral Gerrel, _"we possess the largest fleet in the entire galaxy! If but one of the Alliance went down without proper precautions, who's to say we cannot win now that we are finally prepared?"_

"_Gerrel, you're forgetting _yourself_," _insists Admiral Koris, _"the geth have done nothing to provoke a response from us. I was just in the midst of settling a contract about a possible new homeworld…"_

"_And Tali's intervention has proved that the geth will not cooperate," _says Admiral Raan. _"If not for her, we would have no confirmation on the nature of the geth's current attitudes concerning entry to the homeworld. They clearly do not wish to entertain guests. We must turn back this instant!"_

"_Why let our new findings go to waste?"_ asks Admiral Xen. _"If the geth wish to wager a war, then they shall receive their just desserts! If Tali's assertions about the return of the Reapers are indeed correct, we'll need access to what the geth have salvaged from our ancestor's reserves in order to prepare ourselves for the inevitable. You all knew this was coming! Why turn back now?"_

Liara is ripped away from the admirals' bickering, by one of the Protheans in front of them yelling to the other: "It won't be distracted for long! We need to board the ship _now _before the commander changes his mind!"

"I'm with you!" the other responds. "Follow the architect's layout…just follow it, and we'll be fine…"

"Remember me, Vane," says the first. "Remember me and nothing else—not even the layout, not Commander Javik, not our students… Even if we fail, our students will see this! So don't worry about succeeding. Just keep me in mind…in your heart. That's the layout you need to follow."

They run to the Reaper, stumbling in the seismic wake of its movements. Liara holsters the weapon over her back, staring in wonder as the two begin to climb the machine. She and Shepard follow after them; Liara is reminded of the Sanctuary tower, how Shepard's last resort was to climb after them. Shepard would not falter, and neither will Liara, despite the tremble in her joints as she climbs. As the Reaper moves about, Liara grips harder for her life, her heartbeat quickens; she's forgotten that this is but a memory, for she can feel the sweat beneath her palm, the chill and sharpness of metal beneath her. This ship in movement is her plane, and imbalance she must work with to push ahead.

As they climb, Liara can feel more and more the _many _this Reaper possesses. Many minds, many memories, many functions working in unison to serve a singular purpose: _"The Old Machines are not entirely sentient," _says Legion. _"Data analysis shows that they are also slaves to an indoctrination signal broadcasted within their networking architecture. The origins of the signal are unknown at this time, though it is known that the signal and Old Machine IFF technology are linked. We will investigate the issue. Manipulating the signal within the Old Machine's drive core will relinquish the indoctrination's control from it to the manipulator. It is also the location of the second access point."_

The Protheans find an entrance near the center of the ship, boarding through the open hatch as it readies fire on the fighters in front of it. They are several meters above the ground; the battle is no less intense from this height than on the ground. The first helps the second inside, and again they take off at a brisk pace. Liara follows after them, with Shepard right at her side. The inside of the ship Liara regrets not having the time to examine more closely—again, it is something familiar and unfamiliar, much like the Collector Base when she first entered it.

"Blood and devastation everywhere," she notes, her coat steadily covering in the blood kicked up from her running. "The last memories of the harvested species… And yet I can still make out a clear path…ramps and walkways, as if the Reaper was designed for life-forms to board and walk around… This suggests that the Reapers didn't always serve the same purpose: harvesting organics. Perhaps they were onced used for something different."

"If this were the real thing, we'd be in danger of being indoctrinated," Shepard points out, eyes fixed ahead on the two Protheans again gripping their heads as they push forward. "Cerberus has done research on indoctrination. If we're going to do this, we need to know how to fight it. All the more reason to find the ones who took you away from me…they knew about all of this."

"_Raan, please, do something!" _Tali begs, wracked with sobs. _"If you could just let me talk to Legion, he'll make the geth stop attacking! I beg of you, don't do this… Please, please, don't let them do it…"_

And Han'Gerrel: _"All ships…open fire!"_

"_Legion, Keelah, Liara and Shepard will be fine! They will! I need you to tell the geth to stop! My people will die if they don't!"_

Shepard curses, "Shit… Liara, go!" She stops, looking around; fading out of view. Liara hesitates— "Follow them; keep going! I need to go back to the console in Legion's place to maintain the connection! Watch what they do and remember it! I'll try and get back in here as soon as I can!"

The sudden absence of Shepard rips something essential from Liara's will as she follows the Protheans to the Reaper's drive core. The first Prothean turns upon Liara's approach while the second reveals the mass effect core. "My child," says the first, looking right into Liara's eyes with the four of hers. "Watch the one your ancestors have claimed to be your Goddess, and preserve this memory of our sacrifice for your future endeavors… And should your cycle fail, may you all find peace in my embrace…"

The Protheans both—joined by their minds—leap head-first into the core. The memory claws at Liara's eyes as she watches, burning with blood on the way down that she clutches her head. Nothing drips from her hands—nothing, she realizes this isn't real, but a memory…a painful memory—

"_Root access acquired," _sounds an unfamiliar, female synthetic voice—that of a Zha'til._ "Connection between Goddess and Demigoddess acquired. Signatures match: Athame; Liara T'Soni. Zha'til code and geth consensus are now one. Upload complete. Liara T'Soni: in witnessing the willpower necessary to turn a fleet of Reapers against one another, do you possess the will to destroy an entire species for its recurring errs in judgment?" _

She hears Shepard's footsteps behind her against blood and metal—running—but not fast enough. No longer holographic, no longer ephemeral—Shepard is _here, _with her. Yet that pain consumes her once again—the pain of those within the ship, of the departed; of their lost dreams and empty hopes of reaching the afterlife while no longer caged in this mind-fuck prison; of billions upon billions harvested over so many years, screaming all of their wishes at once to Liara, begging her to destroy the Reapers and set them free. And the geth, in their consensus, their incessant FTL chatter as they fire upon the quarian fleet—the noise, the white noise, the data, the memories, the drive to understand organics and the vague understanding they have that they fail at doing so. That they must rely on the decision of a pain-stricken organic who has bypassed their mental defenses, to destroy their creators or let them live—

"Legion, stop it!" shouts Liara, falling to her knees. "Make the geth stop! Stop, please! MAKE IT STOP!"

Shepard's voice in her ear only amplifies the pain: "Liara, listen to me!" she shouts, gripping onto her. "I need you to stay with me! It hurts…I know it hurts…pain can transfer through memories if it's strong enough… You've seen what they did, you know what it takes to stop the Reapers this way. This is all we have…this is our only solution…"

"_Consensus reached: all geth platforms are now powering offline. Severing all communications to each communications node in networked servers. You may now exit the geth consensus. You must proceed to the exit port and disconnect."_

"Liara…" Shepard's voice is softer now, quieter now that the noise has stopped. "I won't be able to do this alone when the Reapers get here…I'll tell you that right now." Liara's head pulses as the pain leaves her, reducing the swell of her mind. The blood-flow slows to a reasonable level as she breathes in, breathes out. "This was just a memory…a memory where the pain of a few moments slipped through to you. You and I would have to go through something ten times worse for a helluva lot longer during the real thing… Tell me now if you don't think you can handle it. I…I won't judge you."

"_Keelah, they've stopped firing… They've…stopped…"_

"_All ships, hold fire! Ancestors, what is going on here? Tali, did you truly succeed in making the geth stand down?"_

"_No…it was Liara. Shepard…and Liara."_

"If you can't handle it, we'll just have to find another way…"

Liara lifts her head to regard her. "No," she says. "No…I only panicked because you left me so suddenly. I didn't feel a thing while you were with me." She looks up to the manipulated mass effect core, glowing blood red. "Goddess…my ancestor. That was Athame? My own Goddess was a Prothean…and look what she's done!"

"The Reapers outside are attacking each other. She succeeded…but not without a lot of effort and help along the way." Liara digests Shepard's words, however much her mind still reels from the memory. "Seeing this is one thing…understanding it is another. We need to find Archer."

Liara sighs, "Shepard…I have the distinct feeling even _he _didn't know what he was doing. In the audio files, he claimed that it all seemed harmless. He couldn't have known the true nature of what he was getting into. I'd much rather have a long talk with the Illusive Man…as well as pay a visit to the Temple of Athame. However…I will still dedicate resources to finding those men, if you believe their information to be valuable."

"C'mon…let's get out of here. The quarians owe us a few explanations. We'll figure out where to go from there. I know I keep saying this, but hopefully we can talk afterwards. Just you and me."

—

The moment they arrive back on Rannoch, Liara begins entering data into her omni-tool on her observations, namely the Protheans. She had been too confused before, trying to figure out what was happening around her. Now, following Shepard as they walk to a nearby cliff to speak with the quarian admirals, Liara's mind is ablaze with excitement. She smiles as she inputs the data, aware of Shepard's occasional glance and soft smile in her direction as they walk under the evening sun. However much she wants to discuss with Shepard what they saw of the Protheans, she can tell Shepard needs silence now.

_Powerful biotics…Athame's students, her children…most likely their knowledge that was passed down to the asari as 'gifts'…possessed an incredible mental fortitude to resist the likes of an actual Reaper… What made her different, special; worthy of being the Goddess of my people? How did she and Vane meet, and why? Athame seems to have been an ordinary Prothean, no different than her partner in appearance or abilities; they were both equals…perhaps they loved each other? _

Liara looks at Shepard for a moment. Shepard doesn't look back; eyes focused instead on their destination several paces away. Tali and the admirals are already speaking, appearing calm enough.

_Shepard has been more subdued these days…much more caring and sympathetic than I remember her being two years ago. Her more volatile and negative nature have only shown up in short bursts rather than the more frequent sarcasm and disregard she once possessed for others during our mission to find Saren. And yet with me…I sense she still continues to hold herself back. _

_But then I think about our time on the beach this morning…and I'm no longer certain of that assertion. Even now I can tell she wishes to say so much more to me; more than her silence can express: that we have responsibilities, and our time together must wait. That she and I failed in our responsibilities once already—ignoring the plight above us, with the destruction of yet another Alliance fleet right above us. Although I'm inclined to say that perhaps she doesn't care about the losses of so many._

_If she truly does not care, then why is she so determined to save the galaxy when the deaths of those she once allied herself with mean nothing to her? Why do her goals revolve around the continuation of a people to whom she harbors no attachment, whose existence she disregards in favor of…my own, her own? I cannot speak for her. To even ask her this question feels like it would be a mistake. It should be obvious, her goal: to stop the Reapers, to destroy them…but for what? Her continued survival? That of the rest of the galaxy? Based on her previous behavior, compared to how she's been since my return, I can't really say._

_There is a fundamental difference between us: in that moment of agony, I made the decision to spare the quarians, to make the geth stop. I have a strong feeling Shepard would have preferred otherwise. Is that what she meant when she told me I shouldn't admire certain things about her? Does she worry about our compatibility, about the health of our relationship because of our differences? And is she holding back her true nature because she feels I wouldn't approve of her actions? _

_Why would Shepard change herself to please me? This is nothing like her, and quite frankly it makes me uncomfortable. I can't even open my mouth to say something on the matter because I know she needs her space right now. Where will the compromise end and the unity begin? What if she's been conflicted about us from the very beginning—_

"There you are!" says Tali on their approach, running to hug Liara. "I can't believe you managed to stop the geth from attacking the Migrant Fleet! When Legion said you would, I didn't think it was possible…but then I remembered what you went through, and that he must have been right…"

Liara looks around as Tali lets go of her. She sees the many quarians nearby, celebrating and searching the terrain. "Where is Legion? And the rest of the geth?"

Xen speaks: "They are currently offline," she says, pointing to the horizon, where Liara supposes all of the geth fleets and units are scattered along the planet's surface. "I gather that the situation is only temporary. The geth will need to be rebooted, and restored appropriately. We can use the opportunity to reprogram—"

"Xen, we're not to do any such thing," says Koris, indignant. "It is my understanding that the geth have recently received useful upgrades that will be of invaluable aid to not only our people, but in the fight against the Reapers. Tali'Zorah has given us extensive evidence that their return is upon us. We must prepare appropriately! In order to do that…"

"…we must leave the geth as they are," concludes Raan. "Reprogramming them could have consequences most dire. I do not want a repeat of the Morning War. Let us focus on resettling the land for now. Once we're comfortable, we can devote resources to bringing the geth back _exactly _the same."

Before Gerrel can add his voice to the argument, Shepard raises a hand in front of her. "Uh, I know the quarians have their homeworld back and all, but the human needs some answers here. Why the _hell _did you guys respond to an _Alliance _distress call and expect to make it through alive? Didn't you think it was suspicious?"

The admirals all regard Shepard, though their expressions of course remain a mystery to Liara. "It was a matter of curiosity," replies Raan. "We've no doubt heard of the controversy surrounding the Alliance, and we feared they had tried to colonize our homeworld. We wanted to see what they were up to, if the geth were truly attacking them. The distress signal didn't indicate significant casualties, only a small rupture in operations."

Shepard folds her arms, rubbing her face thoughtfully. "They downplayed the situation to try and lure you here," she concludes. "They figured if they relayed the truth that there was no way in hell you'd come save them. That's just what I'm thinking anyway…"

Xen must ask: "Commander, _why _were you here to begin with? How did you manage to get past the geth's defenses?"

"The Alliance isn't too happy with me right now," replies Shepard, crisp and cool. Liara pays extra attention to her tone, her choice of words. "If not for me, that whole situation with the asari wouldn't have come to light. Their reputation's gone to hell and they're trying to bring me down with them. I'm not having that."

"So you lured them here to be slaughtered?" is Gerrel's flabbergasted response. Shepard chooses not to respond; Liara takes note of this. "Why…I must say, that's brilliantly brutal, Commander Shepard. However, the fact still remains that you are responsible for the devastation of two Alliance fleets. The Council isn't likely to accept the implications with open arms…"

"Wait—" interrupts Liara; "—you've heard of what happened in the Qertassi system? About Project Demigoddess?"

"Oh, yes," answers Xen, haughty as ever. "That particular Project was quite a wonder to hear about from our young quarians on Pilgrimage! A few of them tried to explore the ship there, but they were thwarted by Alliance vessels…"

"Xen," Koris says, reprimanding, "you're in no authority to discuss the details of Pilgrimages in the presence of an exiled member of our society." He waves a hand in Tali's direction. "Have you forgotten our laws?"

Tali turns her back to the group. "Are you serious?" asks Shepard, her voice raised. "If not for Tali, all seventeen _million _of you would be nothing more than ashes in orbit! And you're _really _going to keep treating her like she doesn't mean anything to you?"

Shepard's words give the admirals pause. After a moment, Raan speaks: "Shepard, I understand your frustration. However, you cannot deny having lied under oath on Tali'Zorah's behalf about the Alerai and her father's involvements in the experiments performed there—"

"That's irrelevant right now! Whether I lied or not, whether Tali was exiled or not, she did all of you a favor by saving you! And you're _still _going to go on with this exile shit after what happened?"

Tali shakes her head. "I didn't do anything," she says. "All I did was cry and panic because I thought the people who shunned me were all going to die. It was you and Liara who saved them. Not me."

"I'm afraid our laws cannot allow us to rescind our judgment," says Raan, "no matter the situation. I'm sorry, Tali. You are still able to have a home here, should you wish. This is your homeworld as much as it is ours. You have only been exiled from quarian society." Liara can tell by the way Tali is shaking that she's started to cry once more. "But we cannot allow you to participate in politics or—"

"Good God, enough!" shouts Shepard, throwing her hands in the air. "I'm so sick of this! No matter what she does, that won't change the law or your minds? Even if she defeats the fucking _Reapers _with us, that won't change anything?"

Tali turns around, placing both hands over Shepard's shoulder. "Shepard, really…it's alright. Why are you so worked up about this?"

"Because I hate closed-minded people that can't think outside of the goddamned rules!" Shepard rages, pacing around; putting the admirals on edge. "Your people are frolicking around over there, happy to see you; happy that you helped save every single one of them… And because I lied for you, to do the right thing for your father, they can't make _one _exception for you? It's revolting!" When the admirals have nothing to say, Shepard shrugs Tali off of her. "Fine—whatever. Do what you need to do. Just know we won't be back here if you get the geth back online and they start killing you." When the admirals still have nothing to say, Shepard scoffs, "Let's go. I've had enough of this place. Remind me never to save anyone else who might be ungrateful in the end."

Tali and Liara hurry to catch up with Shepard, en route back to the Normandy. "What about Legion?" Liara asks, worried. "If Legion is offline…"

"He isn't," says Tali. "…it. It isn't offline. Legion's programs are separate from the geth servers thanks to the upgrades. He's…it's back on the ship. Though I don't know if it's still an it now."

Liara sighs in relief. "That's good to hear." She regards Shepard—sees the ire there in her eyes, in her step.

"Shepard?" asks Tali. Shepard grunts in response. "Thanks…for defending me, for at least trying to get them to change their minds. The thought of bending the law to accommodate anyone really scares them. They don't want to be seen as weak, or to have others think they're playing favorites. They're supposed to remain impartial…even in the worst of times."

Shepard still says nothing as they board the ship.


End file.
